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Why do I feel all alone in a crowd?

Updated on January 12, 2015


Facing our internal struggles

It seems our biggest fight in life is staying strong and not giving in to our emotions when we are feeling sad and depressed. No one has the magic pill that will take our depression away but we can at least learn and understand why we feel depressed from time to time and try to deal with it as best we can through opening up and talking to someone whether it is a family member or a friend. If it is serious enough then we would need to consider finding a medical professional that can help guide us with treatment. We certainly can do something about it to help alleviate those feelings and replace them with happier thoughts. It may not be easy but it is necessary so we can see better days ahead. We all will face internal struggle and unhappiness, no doubt, because we have to face some rather difficult times that are just as much a part of life as are the happy and fun times.

Many times in life I have felt all alone even in the company of others. It just is the way life is. We come into the world alone and we leave the world alone and in between we live our life trying our best to fit in and find our way. Sometimes we feel all alone no matter how many people surround us. We have to feel good about ourselves and find acceptance, friendship, worthwhile interests and a self confidence that will help guide us in everything we do. In life it is hard to find perfection and no matter how hard we try we will make mistakes.

The important thing to remember is that making mistakes is common and a part of growing up. The more important thing to realize is that we should learn from the mistakes we make. Life is about learning and growing and self exploration. We may find that we are not all alike and many of us have differences that befit our personality and who we are. We must be accepting of others and never judge them unfairly if we wish to be treated with respect and accepted.

I have always lived my life with good intentions and treating others with respect and trying my best to be engaging, friendly and sincere. This is how my parents taught me to be. I was also very shy and insecure because I felt awkward as a teenager going through those inner struggles we all seem to go through at that age and I remember having only a few friends at that time. I was confident enough to hold my own on my little league baseball team and that was a boost to my self confidence and it enabled me to feel accepted and find some good friends and have fun playing a game I loved. Those times of playing baseball were probably some of the best times I had growing up and I can still remember my coach and our practices. I can also remember going out for pizza and soda after every winning game.

If only life was that simple! For me the hardest thing I had to face was confronting the death of someone close. I think this is the harsh reality of life and I think that this plays into our feelings and how we view life. Somehow knowing we will lose someone close to us makes us on edge. It is also a difficult reality finally realizing our own mortality which makes us feel very vulnerable and never certain of anything other than the fact that we will die one day. It seems we are fooling ourselves the way we live life because it is as if we feel we will never die or that we will never lose someone. It is very confusing and I can see this with my son who is autistic. He is now 16 years old and he was very upset about losing Pop who was very close to him and spent many weekends visiting.

For him this was something he could not understand and he did not accept it. He believed that Pop was away but would be back. It was very sad to see our son lose that special bond with his grandfather and I had a very difficult time trying to explain to him about death. I have to really think of the right thing to say and sometimes I really am at a loss but I try to say to my son the truth that he will understand and hopefully will come to accept as he grows. I try to provide reassurance to him that everything will be ok just like my parents did for me.

Another thing I try to explain to my son is that we will become restless and bored from time to time and that is when we have to really fight those bad feelings and think positive and find something to take our mind off the hurt we feel. We have to focus on good things and keep ourselves busy and find something to do that will make us feel better. We do not want to fall into a depression that will make us feel worse. We have to channel our energies into something positive and really push ourselves so we don't fall victim to our emotions. We also must find a friend we can talk to and form a bond with.

Friendships are so important and I really feel for my son because autism seems to impede the process of establishing social contact and forging friendships. I know from my own experiences of struggling with shyness how hard it is to make friends so I really need to help my son get through those difficulties and just try to teach him to believe in himself and that he has so much to offer in the way of friendship. He must really make change which is so hard for an autistic child to do.

I do not want my son to feel all alone in a crowd. I want him to feel comfortable, happy and to believe in himself. I want him to enjoy being a part of something and feeling accepted. I will work to help him achieve this and to provide him with the love and encouragement that every child needs and desires. We face our struggles hoping our children will be able to do the same. The reality is our children will have their struggles to face and we need to provide them with the proper guidance and support that will help them overcome them one at a time with confidence and hope.

Edward D. Iannielli III

Loneliness knows me by name - Westlife

Loneliness and Autism


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    • thewritingowl profile image

      Mary Kelly Godley 5 years ago from Ireland

      Well said. I have had my own battles with depression too and have written about it too in my hubs. I have Aspergers Syndrome and I too worry that my autistic son will feel all alone in the crowd and I too worry so much for him and want things to be better for him than they were for me. I liked this hub and wish you both all the best.

    • Auntie D profile image

      Auntie D 6 years ago from California

      Great hub. I wish you and your son the best in dealing with this disorder.

    • love2dogs profile image

      love2dogs 6 years ago from NH

      This hub is awesome!!