13 Ideas for Valentine’s Day When Single and Moderately Broke
I don’t have much of a problem with Valentine’s Day. I’m of the mind that holidays are mostly for kids because they actually get excited about the little things like Pin the Tail on the Donkey or treat bags filled with goodies from the dollar store. They don’t have high expectations and as such are not in for big disappointments. They aren’t upset if they aren’t treated to a romantic dinner or whisked away for an exotic getaway. They aren’t devastated when another special occasion passes as a missed opportunity for a wedding proposal. Holidays are for having fun and consuming enough sugar to make you want to hurl.
That said, I will not hide that fact that I am occasionally bitter upon seeing yet another aisle filled with boxes of tasteless chocolates or plastic flowers or gigantic dust covered teddy bears knowing that I will not be the recipient of said treasures unless my mom buys them after the day 90% off. I will admit that I sometimes cringe when seeing commercials for “chocolate” diamonds being exchanged between two lovebirds knowing fully well that they only reason they are pushing these “gems” is because there is a surplus of ugly brown stones in Australia and they are trying desperately to pass them off as the next must-have for an assuming spouse.
We can’t get away from all of these Hallmarkian holidays being shoved in our face no matter how laissez-faire our attitude toward the holidays, but there are ways to make them a bit more enjoyable for the average adult person. If I knew we all had substantial bank accounts I would say that there are PLENTY of ways to pass the time without concerning ourselves with these celebratory annoyances, but such is not the case for most of us…certainly not for me. Instead, I have to be a little more creative. Here are a few things I’ve come up with over the years:
- Keep pressing snooze until you only have five minutes to get ready for work. Who cares? It’s not like anyone special is going to come into your life on this accursed day. Why bother taking the time to look nice? You could rise a little early, take your time waking up, put on a pretty red blouse, and actually wear that red lipstick you can’t get away with most days. Unless, you’d rather go for that just-rolled-out of bed look and make it a point to wear black so you are subliminally projecting a state of mourning. That works, too.
- Cry into your Frosted Flakes because you are alone and nearing spinster age. No doubt this is a healthy outlet for emotion, and something you are certainly capable of. An alternative, however, would be to bust open the piggy bank and treat yourself to a gourmet coffee and one of those fancy cupcakes that you always want to try but never splurge on. Just think, you can get the GRANDE size because you don’t have to worry about picking up a Monster and a Snickers at the gas station on your way back home for your boyfriend who most likely hasn’t even gotten out of bed yet. If you can’t swing that, a cup of Folgers and some Golden Oreos will do. Just be sure to pick a scenic location in which to enjoy your deliciousness such as overlooking lake or a beach or that custom Tom Hardy poster you had to special order.
UN-Sad FM Playlist
I'm a Woman
Pretty Girl Rock
Chain of Fools
With or Without Control
One Way or Another
Fat Bottomed Girls
You Know I'm No Good
Red Hot Chili Peppers
- Crank up Sad FM in the car and morosely snivel along with the lyrics. You naturally know all the words to every song. It would be inappropriate to listen to some bada** rock’n’roll chicks and belt out those records at the top of your lungs…or would it?
- Mope around at work all day and pretend to look busy when you are really cyber-stalking all the ex-boyfriends who have wronged you. It’s not like its going to be an extra special kind of torture seeing their happy profile picture with their new girlfriend who you are certain they treat infinitely better than they ever treated you. You do have the option of being productive and perhaps picking up a treat for the office to brighten up everyone’s day but that wouldn’t be in the spirit of the occasion at all.
- Complain to your defenseless dog that life is so unfair. She loves hearing that stuff. She loves it so much that she would much rather listen to you whine than go for a walk or play fetch or get a special biscuit. Listening to you babble on is right up there with getting a bath on her scale of favorite things to do.
Complain to your defenseless mom that life is so unfair. She loves hearing that stuff. She loves it so much that she would much rather listen to you whine than go out to lunch or indulge in the candy you forgot to get her or watch her favorite TV show that she has to mute so you can vent…again. Listening to you babble on is right up there with getting a root canal on her scale of favorite things to do.
Pop in a cardboard Lean Cuisine and remind yourself how fat you are getting. Holidays are certainly not for rustling up something delicious and decadent or even for entertaining! It’s not like those little nieces and nephews would love it if you threw together a little impromptu shindig. They’d much rather sit around being bored while their parents go out to dinner because they understand that only couples are allowed to have fun on Valentine’s.
Have a chick-flick movie marathon where each sappy, predictable, unfunny moment reminds you how unlike a movie your life is. You don’t want to watch a romantic film of substance that reflects how life really is or how it ought to be. You don’t want to come to terms with the fact that perhaps you were born in the wrong time and place because you are fairly certain that 19th century England has your name written all over it.
Get together with girlfriends for a b***h fest under the guise of a “girls night in”. Let’s face it, you don’t want to be out there mingling with other people in perpetual coupledom. It’s much healthier to stay in so you can wear yoga pants and stuff yourself with tortilla chips and guacamole until you burst rather than find a Groupon deal so that you all can enjoy a social outing while still being economical.
Have a Boyfriend Bonfire a la Friends. On second thought, don’t do that. It’s not going to work out like it did on the TV show. Trust me.
Take some “Me” time. On Valentine’s Day this equates to sitting around brooding and feeling sorry for yourself. Here again, a rather healthy outlet. It’s much more heart-warming than, say, visiting your grandma who loves to see you and could use a little company. Besides, it’s more important to listen to your own deranged thoughts than someone who is always kind and loving and hilarious. It’s no contest really.
Drink a quart of Haagen Dazs when you find that that Lean Cuisine wasn’t exactly filling. Sure it has a few more calories than a couple of heart-shaped sugar cookies that you could have enjoyed with the kids over the course of an evening filled with games and laughs and hyperactivity, but your way is so more rewarding.
End the day by 6:00 p.m. by pulling the covers over your head and turning all the lights off. Enough of this day! So what if your puzzled pooch doesn’t quite get the fact that it’s bedtime? Surely there are today's dirty socks that you didn’t bother to throw in the hamper that she can chew on. That sounds like fun for her and tons of fun for you! A fitting way to end a tragic day.
So there’s a little food for thought. There an infinite number ways to spend unforgiving holidays such as these, and I’ve attempted to illustrate just a select few that have proved very successful. In the end, holidays are really just another day like so many days we painstakingly trudge through. Does it really matter if we make them something extraordinary for ourselves or our loved ones? I will leave that up to you.
A wise woman once told me – “Life is what you make it”.