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20 Things That You Better Not DO at Any Fourth of July Celebration

Updated on June 17, 2014

When it all started

When the American Revolution was rolling, a second Continental Congress was born. These guys grab the credit for adapting the final draft of the Declaration of Independence which was drafted by John Adams, Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Robert R. Livingston, and Roger Sherman. Thomas Jefferson penned the first draft that was revised by Ben Franklin, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson before it was sent to Congress for approval. All thirteen colonies stood behind the Declaration of Independence and adopted one-hundred percent, on July 4, 1776.

The Fourth of July holiday quickly-evolved. The Fourth, as we call it, was first-known as Independence Day because of Second Continental Congress’ adopting the second-draft and formal Declaration of Independence--though we had declared that we were independent. Regardless of the ongoing war the following year, people in Philadelphia celebrated a muted Fourth of July.

This story deals with celebrations on

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How most families celebrate The Fourth

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Hey, look out! Another Fourth of July blow-out

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A brief look at "my" patriotism

The Fourth of July needs to be, and should be celebrated, in some way, by everyone American. Even Americans living or on business trips abroad. I am not selling fireworks part-time, but I myself love America. Deep-down inside where it counts, I get a certain chill run up my spine and tears, right on cue, head straight to my eyes when I hear “The Star Spangled Banner,” and my eyes see photos of American vets from every declared and undeclared war ever fought. (e.g. Korean “Conflict,” and Vietnam “Conflict,”—both were non-declared wars).

Don’t label me as a “War hawk,” for I am not one. You will feel really foolish if you do. I supported our troops when I entered the age where we all start learning, and of course, Vietnam was “my” war. Yes, sir-eee. I was really a “student without a class,” in high school when ‘Nam was really smoking. Some of my friends hated the war and some didn’t. There were those occasional, and much-appreciated verbal-feuds among those of these two groups, that eat into class-time and the teacher of (that) class would ultimately get flustered and forget where he or she was in the textbook and just sit at stare at his or her desk until the bell for dismissal rang. But, outside in the hallway, when both groups looked at me with eyes that asked . . .”What side are you on, Ken?” Automatically, and with cat-like speed, my right hand would fly into the air with fist-raised.

This goes with Fourth of July parties--please be responsible Americans if you use this item

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Hey, Steve Cropper look-alike, do not handle fireworks foolishly

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"The bombs bursting in air"

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Hey, Steve Cropper look-alike and girlfriend, fireworks are not toys

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Sometimes standing means exile

Both groups were satisfied, the long-hairs, crew-cuts, Flag wearing and waving and anyone who might venture to have an opinion on Vietnam. But neither group ever knew that this gesture did not approve or disapprove of the Vietnam War. It just seemed the thing to do under much peer pressure.

I do confess that I “did” love some of the music from those bloody-years, and yes, you may hurl stones and slurs at me for this transgression, which does not make me less of an American, I just love the works of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, the Woodstock film and three-LP album, and others. Sure the music made a statement. Sure people of “my” age like the music. For the most part, some of “us” formed, then and there, conflicting opinions about Uncle Sam and his “on-ready,” super-zealous attitude to get “us,” then draft-age males involved in every skirmish within a hundred miles of Miami. Some of my friends who chose to stand and watch from the shadows agreed with me, but when they were out in the open, they were the All-American Teens. I respected their hypocrisy.

Not bragging, but possibly the only part of the “Vietnam Theater,” I never quite grasped was the wearing of Army surplus clothing, G.I. fatigue shirts, pants, raincoats, and maybe an occasional Army pointed cloth cap. Was this in the vein of anti-war, or did someone on Fifth Avenue, New York, with fashion savvy declare that a few million could be pulled-down by designing realistic United States military-looking clothes?

Happy to be an American

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"Sorry, I am not Jeff Probst of CBS' 'Survivor'"

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My home--123 Rock Cliff Rd.

Senior adults celebrate The Fourth with skyrockets

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I am from a family of Patriots

My dad and several uncles were in the military, and you bet, I am very proud of them for their service, as one of my grand nephews is serving The United States Navy today. I am proud of him. So proud that I cannot eat food sometimes. I have another grand nephew who did a tour of Afghanistan and came home. My pride is not less for him not staying in the military. It’s a matter of heart, to me.

Faded, mostly-gone, are the days of cold Schlitz beer in a No. 2 washtub with ice, and each can opened by a real hand-operated can-opener, and a table filled with grilled-steaks, burgers, and franks ready to be “wolfed-down,” by hard-working guys (with wives named, “Trixie,” and “Marge), who today are only wearing jeans and real t-shirts, while their wives are adorned in slacks, (My word! A woman wearing pants.), and good times are rolling because today, The Fourth of July, is the only the husbands get off from their jobs down at Amalgamated Machine Works, “Makers of This Country’s Best Warships.” Although the husbands, “Tony,” and “Bob,” get pretty-tight on Schlitz and “Bob,” accidentally-stumbles over the new barbecue grill that “Tony,” bought yesterday at Sears, all is good in America today from coast-to-coast, for the Fourth was acknowledged and drank to in honor numerous times today.

This lady from Santa Cruz, enjoys a pretty sparkler

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Now I am really serious

With The Fourth of July only days away, mark the date now, June 17, 2014, you and I both know that there will be numerous Fourth of July celebrations, parades, private and public parties with things speakable and not fit to be mentioned in public. I am talking about “just” the celebrations and parties where alcohol and drugs are abused.

But if you insist on being stubborn, free-willed and untethered to do as you want, the “Ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do,” kind of person, and you want to cause your share of trouble at most of the Fourth of July Celebrations, let me just say that these are . . .

20 Things You Better Not Do at Any Fourth of July Celebration"

unless you enjoy coming out with a black eye, a criminal record and lots of personal humiliation.

20. Burst into the gathering unannounced. Most patriots like to be told that you will be at the party.

19. Bring Tupperware containers of stale food as a practical-joke. “Leave,” is what you will hear without the “Please.”

18. Appear nude. Americans still hold true to clothing being worn in and out of the public eye.

17. Walk into the celebration, and with the mean streak of a Gila Monster, set fire to the expensive fireworks that were intended to be shot at dark.

16. Bring a cage occupied by a raccoon that is just tasting the feeling of being free and turn it loose.

15. When said freedom-loving raccoon bites an innocent person, run away without apologizing. Or offering to pay for the raccoon-bitten person’s medical bills.

14. Walk into the Fourth of July Party, sit down, grab a hamburger and fling it across the room at someone just minding their own business.

13. Bring your bullhorn and tell vulgar jokes to anyone standing idle.

12. Challenge the elderly men in attendance to wrestling matches. Then make fun of them who turn you down.

11. Dare the host or hostess to call the police when you make this statement, “It would be nice for everyone here to give me their wallets before I get really angry.”

10. Wear an Adolph Hitler disguise for some healthy laughs. If you offend, pull the disguise off then . . .

9. Underneath that disguise, wear a World War II, Emperor Hirohito (of Japan) disguise and unfold a Japanese flag and whip-out your staple gun to attach it to one of the walls of the party site.

8. Take a huge swig of beer and spew it on some innocent senior citizen lady who you know cannot stand people who drink.

7. Stand-up and announce that you are a professional entertainer and each person must donate twenty-bucks to your career.

6. Make a scathing speech in favor of the North Viet Cong.

5. Start handing-out 8 x 10 photos of Chairman Mao.

4. If the Fourth of July party is being held in your local VFW Hall, get in the face of the male host and start to burn a copy of the Declaration of Independence.

3. As if you are possessed with the spirit of a wild boar, start grunting and squealing, then run all over the table or tables filled with food and stopping long enough to stuff the food you haven’t destroyed into your bulging cheeks.

2. Rip your shirt off and tell the women at the party, “You pretty women step right up and I will lift you above my head.”

1. Do your crowd-pleasing impression of an alligator.

Everyone have a safe and happy Fourth of July.

In my day, watermelon was a standard food item of The Fourth

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These people are so Patriotic, I feel like Carl Marx

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Seriously . . .

it is my desire that you, and all Americans, natural, immigrant or otherwise, stop and just realize without opening up a heated-argument about whom America belongs to or whom was here first, for we are all adults, or should be . . .and such mediocre questions cannot and will not lead to anything peaceable.

My family's roots stretch clear back to Mother Ireland, and I am proud of that and the many contributions that the Irish have contributed to America.

Did you notice that word, "contributions?" It means to "give to as an individual or group to a cause or project," and is a far cry from an ugly, blood-shedding riot in the dark streets of this country that has been so good to us.

Sure, American has her faults. So do we. The forefathers who framed the Constitution, Declaration of Independence knew this too. There is absolutely no perfect country on the face of the earth.

It's all in our perspective and viewpoint and friends . . .

America sure seems perfect to me!

Everyone please have a Safe, Happy, and Respectful Fourth of July.

Kenneth


How do you celebrate The Fourth of July?

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Attention Stephen Colbert:

Note to new Late Night with David Letterman host, Stephen Colbert: Hey, if you are planning on carrying-on the famous “Top 10 List,” enjoyed by the show’s throngs of fans . . .well, get in touch with me, Stephen, and let’s talk some business about leasing this list or even buying this list.

David Letterman, left, Stephen Colbert, right

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Happy Fourth of July to You and Yours

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Cast your vote for 20 Things You Better Not Do at 4th of July Celebrations

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Yourhealthmatters,

      Thank you for your support and reading this story.

      You and all on this comment block have a Great Fourth too.

      I cherish you all.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, sheilamyers,

      I hear you. And respect you for your stance. It is sad when the masses decide for you what you are for and against. Seemingly it has gotten this way in our country like it was in "my day."

      My mom was NOT for Vietnam. She told me even if I failed a grade that would be okay for the Army couldn't get me, but I never took her up on that priceless offer. I did my best and only made C's.

      Thank you, dear friend, for your comment and being my good friend and follower.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear dragonflycolor,

      Honestly, a few. And they were met with anger which boiled-over into fisticuffs.

      Not a very honorable way to honor America.

      Thank you for your nice comment and come back often.

    • profile image

      yourhealthmatters 3 years ago

      Kenneth, thank you and have a safe and fun holiday!

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 3 years ago

      I guess I'm semi-patriotic. A lot of my ancestors and current family have served or are serving in the military. That includes me - 4 years active duty Navy and 6 years PA Army National Guard. I'm proud of those who served, even those who fought for the losing side in the Civil War. I'll thank the vets who served this country with honor. Yet I don't support and condone every war our government decides to get involved in - including the stuff going on now. Some people will say that makes unpatriotic. I say I'm semi-patriotic and in this country we have the freedom to speak on either side of any issue. I'm not trying to start a debate in your comments section. I'm just letting you know where I stand.

    • profile image

      dragonflycolor 3 years ago

      Something tells me you've witnessed several of these heinous acts of anit-patriotism. Entertaining hub!

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