9 Things Not To Do To Be a Perfect Holiday Guest
This hub was written and published on Nov. 23, Pre-Thanksgiving Day 2016. I planned it that way. Why? The answer is simple. There are thousands of people in America, possibly in our very own families who do not know how to dine with huge groups of people. So I thought I would be of service and publish a hub on HubPages, a website, as you professional hubbers already know that is seen by millions of people worldwide.
And if one person is helped by this piece, then I can get an undisturbed night's sleep. Confession: problems such as not knowing how to be a perfect guest at a special holiday dinner such as Thanksgiving or Christmas really bothers me. So with that being said unburdening myself of this heavy load that I've carried around for years, I give you my headline:
When I personally facing a new way to do something in life, I like to have that thing or system to be explained to me, for as you well know, I am "not the slipperest soap to ever hit the shower stall." The nine tips I state in my headline can easily fall into three categories: your appearance; speech, words you use and your manners you execute at a holiday dinner.
I will take each area and deal with each one with a firm-but-loving manner in order to mold you into the perfect holiday dinner guest.
1.) Your Appearance When You Attend a Holiday Dinner
- Do not present yourself wearing a ragged, ratty, torn sweatshirt you say is your "lucky t-shirt," that you were wearing when you won a competitive oyster-eating contest or the hostess will politely ask you to leave.
- Do not wear khaki shorts, sunglasses and a tank top. You have been invited to partake in someone's special holiday dinner. Please show some self-respect and respect toward the person (who didn't know you that well) who invited you to begin with.
- Make absolutely sure that your face and mouth is clear of all offensive objects such as: splotches of dried salad dressing, chunks of tuna from a sandwich you had at lunch and coffee drops that are trapped in your heavy beard.
2.) Your Speech, Words Used When You Attend a Holiday Dinner
- When you are greeted at the front door of the location of the holiday dinner, and the host/hostess says, "Hello and welcome to our home," please do not reply, "Hey, sweet-um's, something sure smells good besides your Chanel No. 5 perfume."
- As you and other dinner guests are seated at the dining table and the host/hostess is preparing plates for guests to eat, do not say anything like this: "Uhh, pal, break me off a big chunk of that dark meat. That's my favorite," and wink at the hostess.
- And "the" one statement you are not to make at the dining table: "Wow-eee, I ain't never had no eats like this gobbler and taters!"
3.) Your Manners When Attending a Holiday Dinner
- A gentleman is a gentleman where ever he appears, so do not pat the pretty women on their butts as you stand behind them. This is not a strip club, but someone's home.
- Always ask for the salt or pepper to be passed to you. Never reach over anyone's plate to get the spice of your choice.
- Please do not try to carry on a conversation while your mouth is full of food.
Friends who have stopped being invited to holiday dinners: I want to "go out on a limb" here and tell you that if you follow the above nine items as best you can, you will have a good time at whatever holiday dinner you are invited to attend and there is a good possibility that you will be invited back next year.
Everyone have a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.
Good night, Spartanburg, S.C.
Caption for photo above:
"My dear, it is now time for me to start teaching you the finer ways on how "we" of the upper class of our city are to act when "we" are invited to attend a special holiday dinner. Why have I brought you to this barnyard? Well, the first thing I need to teach you is how to strut your beauty without causing jealousy or bitterness among the lower classes of birds."
Bonus feature! Thanksgiving dining-together learning family traditions
© 2016 Kenneth Avery