A Valentine Story To Learn-From,With A Bunny Twist
love game and sea urchins,eternal rose
A Separation Valentine story
My Valentines day this year was a litlte different. My husband and I had been separated for a good 8 months and the feelings and Chemistry in our relationship have definitely changed since the event of our separation...so I didn't really know if I wanted to get him anything for Valentines. The other factor is, we have children, and since our separation they have become my focus. They really were my valentine. When you are separated you are neither happily married nor happily divorced so what do you do? celebrate it together or not. We chose to get together, most probably because we were leaning toward working-it-out, but if you know it's over for sure then I say don't get together and move on. Here is how ours went...
We celebrated it simply. He and I went out the Saturday before Valentine's. We had dinner at a pleasant chinese-restaurant. They had the most amazing live-sea aquarium. It had a beautiful sea-urchin. It was so awsome to me, because I've never seen one. It was a mass of black needles with blue-colored lights shining out of it and a small brown eyeballs moving at the center of it all. Then we drove off to a bookstore. We browsed, bought a gift for my daughter, (a small diamond flower that spun inside a circle like a compass) and a little saying to hang on the wall( I like inspirational sayings!). It said "Friends say nice things behind your back." I was enjoying my time since it's very rare that we go anywhere, or have any time away from our kids. My husband had a bad knee, and said he was in pain. He wanted to pick-up our son and go home. I had bought something to give him. It was a little, red, sex-game with dice to roll, and follow the instructions, BUTT... since he wanted to pick up our son, when we got home I didn't give it to him. My daughter ended spending the night at her friend's house and Jr. didn't fall asleep till 11pm or later.
On Monday, the actual valentines day, I worked all day. I knew my children expected their valentines so I picked up some ballons for Jr, some candy, and a rose for the girls. When I got home the house was clean and I was so happy. The whole day my husband had warned me not to come home at lunch or even drive-by it. He wanted to surprise me. To my dissappointment he had hired someone to clean it, and paid them too much money. She had not only cleaned, but rearranged all my bathroom stuff so that I didn't know where anything was. And the kitchen stuff too. I was somewhat irritated and perhaps not as appreciative of the gesture as I should have been.
After a long time in a marriage, the relationship changes. It becomes more comfortable and not so much about gifts--specially since we had been separated. I thought he understood that we had celebrated our valentines on Saturday, and I had told him I only got him a $5 gift. Don't think me rottenly-petty! I also paid everybody's movie and dinner. Yet; for him, I only bought that $5 gift, and no SEX since he didn't make the effort to leave our son at the babysitter's on our date. If he knew me--the way he should. He should have known that the house-cleaning gift would have meant much more if he and the kids had done the cleaning themselves.
We had dinner at home. We ordered take-out pizza and spaghetty from an italian restaurant. After dinner we took the kids to see "Justin Bieber, Never Say Never." My girls are five and eleven-years-old so I figured they would enjoy it. My oldest had a friend with her and her mom had asked if she could stay with us so she went too. My five year-old was excited at first, but when we got there all she did was whine and tantrum through-out the entire movie. On the other hand my 11-year-old and her friend loved it. She thanked me and said it was the best valentine ever!
My husband and my little one went too, but they decided to to get candy and drinks while the movie started. The theater was practically empty and we all sat in different spots. Me... I was mostly trying to have a quiet moment so I could enjoy the movie, and my husband simply didn't want to sit in the middle of the theater. Later he sent a request with my five-year-old to come sit with him. The funny thing about it was he was just as much into the movie as the girls.
I was tired and frustrated. All I wanted to do was get home and go to bed. Happy valentines to me!
When we got home we put the kids to bed. I took out the little, red, sex- game; threw it across the bed and said happy valentine's, then I went to sleep. I do have to admit , he did get one thing right. Before we went to the movie he gave me a nice box of Dove CHOCOLATES and a long-stem eternal rose. There was no sex that night, but the chocolate was great! and roses are my favorites (not a bunch of them and not one that dies). I like unique gifts. I am on the low- maintenace and simplistic side, however if the relationship was good I might-of gone for a kindle.
We finally used the game about the middle of March. He placed the mask over my eyes, rolled the dice and proceeded to cheat--not following the exact instructions on the dice. Who cheats on a sex game?! My husband must have been dissappointed, I'm sure he wanted me to buy him some big, expensive present, but since the event of our separation I changed... I no longer focus my energy on him. I do not go out of my way to spoil him like I did before the betrayal.
We are back together. He is trying very hard. Some days are good, some days are bad, some days I just want to get out of it-- then I come down and it keeps going. The wheels keep turning and it goes on-and-on. Healing takes time, and trusting my heart to him again might take forever.
So there it is...that was valentines and now here comes the easter bunny. Maybe in April if things are good and I'm in the right mood I might even dress-up in a bunny-suit for him, YEAH RIGHT LOL!.
HAPPY VALENTINES...HOPE YOU GET AT LEAST SOME GOOD CHOCOLATE.
Things To Be Learned From This Story NOT Just About Valentine's
No matter what your situation, Valentine's will come to pass, so make the best of it.
1. If you hire a housekeeper to clean--make sure to tell them not to re-arrange your wive's castle.
2. Know your partner--for some people, simple gifts are best, for others--it may be diamonds.
3. If you ever mess up-BE HUMBLE: realize forgiveness and forgetting takes time--DO NOT DEMAND IT! When Trust is broken it takes CONSTANT PROOF: a person must prove themselves many times, over-and-over, before that trust can be regained--DO NOT DEMAND IT! It takes a long long TIME, PATIENCE and WORK to repair what has been broken... so my advice--Just don't brake it to begin with. IF you DO and you want your relationship to work, be willing to PAY the PRICE; be willing to patiently live with the consequences, and the changes it brings about in the relationship.
4. If you trully are sorry and you want the relationship to work--its up to you to keep trying. Unfortunately the other person may not have the motivation to do so.