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Bountiful Abundance of Candy Corn This Halloween

Updated on October 14, 2008

The Temptation

It is addictive and seductive, it has been called the 'crack' of the candy world. Over 20 million pounds of candy corn will be sold for Halloween this year. That works out to about 8.3 billion kernels. So if all you fancy grownups and teenagers with your "disposible income" hate it so much, who's buying all that chewy goodness?

Teenagers and adults may turn up their noses at candy corn in favor of the Halloween 'Fun Size' chocolates (which, would be far more fun, if the chocolate bar was standard sized), but the little children know.

Candy corn rules!

Candy corn, itself can be used to suite both the nibbler and the fist of fury power two fisted muncher. You can delicately work your way down the triangular niblet shaft, daintily devouring each color tier in precise librarianesque succession. Or, you can throw great corn-syrupy handfuls into your yawning mouth, quivering in sugar shock like a Beavis on a bender. Either method is perfectly acceptable, but this does pose the question, "Which method is more 'your style'?"

The Candy-Corn-Consumption-Method is a fine window into the eater's personality. Are you mindful or mindless in your candy corn eating experience? Are you the kind of carefree person who plunges in and grabs life with both hands, sucking down all it has to offer while ignoring subtleties and quiet beauty, of the candy corn's sweet vanilla finish or the careful kind of person who is attuned to life's tiny pleasures while missing out on big fun through his own anal-retentive control-freakitude?

Candy Corn: a relationship gauge?

Just remember, don't ever fall in love with someone, whose candy corn consumption habits are different from yours. It is better to fall in love with someone who hates or is indifferent to candy corn than one who eats it differently from you.

It's a recipe for heartache.

Sweet Perfection

Candy corn, is just simple innocent goodness. On the gross out factor of the candy scale, candy corn is nowhere near as sickening as Marshmallow Peeps, wax lips, or those bright orange pumpkins that are made of candy corn substance but are rendered putrid, saddly unfulfilling by their oversized, mutant, chewy density.

Candy Corn falls into the same catagory as the Oreo conundrum -- the balance of cookie and creme is perfect, so destroying perfection with the Double-Stuff(or however they spell it) made it sinister and WRONG. An abomination unto all things given to us holy, by the junk food gods.

Candy Corn


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