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Christmas Jokes - 'Tis the Season to be Merry!!

Updated on December 17, 2011


'Tis the Season to be Merry.... Some Christmas jokes to share with your friends and family. ٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶

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ツ★ “Mum, can I please have a cat for Christmas?”
Answer: “No. You'll have turkey, the same as the rest of us.”


ツ★ Why is Christmas just like another day at the office?
You end up doing all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.


ツ★ Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The Turkey – He is always stuffed!


ツ★The judge asked the defendant standing before him, what he was charged with.

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," was the reply.

Judge: "That's not illegal!. How early were you shopping?"

Defendant: “Before the store was open.”

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ツ★ Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with a TV antenna."


ツ★ Teacher: "Johnny, define claustrophobia."

Johnny: "Fear of Santa Claus?"


ツ★ Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~ Larry Wilde


ツ★ One Christmas, I got a battery with a note saying "toy not included" ...


ツ★ A Christmas definition: The time of year when you exchange “hello’s” with strangers and “good buy’s” with friends!


ツ★ I know. People say "It's the thought that counts, not the gift", but couldn't people think a little bigger!


My Favourite Xmas Quote:

One of the nice things about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with a present. - Author Unknown

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    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Prasetio Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. God Bless you too.

      @DeBorrah Thanks so much. May God keep and bless you through the New Year.

      @Hello Hello You are welcome. Thanks so much for stopping. Best Wishes.

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Prasetio Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. God Bless you too.

      @DeBorrah Thanks so much. May God keep and bless you through the New Year.

      @Hello Hello You are welcome. Thanks so much for stopping. Best Wishes.

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

      They were just great. Thankyou for the timely laugh.

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 5 years ago

      Lady E, Funny & Cute! This is so like you! Luv the famous Christmas quote! What a pleasant gift of Laughter! May the Lord Bless and Keep you! MERRY CHRISTmass! ENJOY!!!

      In HIS Love, Grace, Joy, Peace & BLESSINGS! GOD BLESS YOU!

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

      My friend, I can't stop for laughs. Thank you very much for share with us, especially for Christmas. God bless you and Merry Christmas!

      Prasetio

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Anglnwu - Thanks. I am glad you enjoyed it.

      Have a beautiful Xmas. :)

      @Acaetnna - Cheers Acaetnna - Good idea. I could make my own Crackers. Have a lovely Xmas. Hope you are not disappointed it didn't snow. :)

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

      These were great and ideal quotes to be included in home made crackers. Your hubs are always so interesting, brilliant.

    • anglnwu profile image

      anglnwu 5 years ago

      Enjoyed the hub. Love the one about shopping too early. Thanks for sharing.

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Ruby (Always Exploring) - I'm glad it made you smile. Have a wonderful Christmas.

      @Dave Matthews - Thanks. I will remember the true spirit of Christmas. Have a Merry Christmas too.

      @CoachCatherine - You are welcome. Have a Wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.

      @Psychicdog.net - Thanks. Happy Christmas to you too.

    • CoachCatherine profile image

      CoachCatherine 5 years ago from Altamonte Springs, FL

      Thanks for the laugh! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 5 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      Lady_E: These are really cute. Have a very Merry Christmas, remembering that the true spirit of Christmas is the Holy Spirit of God and His giving to man.

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 5 years ago

      happy Christmas Lady_E

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Funny, just what i needed today..Thank you...

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Mentalist Acer

      Oh... Your name suits you perfectly.

      That was Ace. (In London "Ace" is a slang for excellent. lol)

      I enjoyed that joke. Thanks for taking time to visit my Hubs this year. You are a ray of Sunshine.

      Merry Xmas. :)

    • Lady_E profile image
      Author

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      @Tina TrueLove - Have a lovely Xmas. Thanks.

      @THEHuG5 - Have a beautiful Xmas. Keep that smile...

      @Dinkan - Have a Happy Xmas. Glad you liked my favourite.

      @GoodLady - Merry Xmas. Enjoy the rest of the day.

      @Raakachi - Happy Festive Season. Thanks for sharing your favourite.

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      Christmas Kiss

      Romeo: What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe?

      Juliette: An anesthetic.

      A Literal Merry Christmas Hub For Sure Lady_E...Thanks For Sharing.;-))

    • raakachi profile image

      raakachi 5 years ago from Madurai / Tamilnadu / India

      Very funny! i like the 'Judge and defendant' joke very much. Thanks for your Christmas jokes, sharing with us.

    • GoodLady profile image

      Penelope Hart 5 years ago from Rome, Italy

      Nice one! Nice way to wake up this Sunday morning. Thanks

    • dinkan53 profile image

      dinkan53 5 years ago from India

      Enjoyed the jokes and like your favorite quote.

    • THEHuG5 profile image

      THEHuG5 5 years ago

      One Christmas, I got a battery with a note saying "toy not included" ...

      Haha that was was my favorite. This hub made me smile, good work.

    • profile image

      Tina Truelove 5 years ago

      Funny! Thanks for the laughs!