Abstract Costume Ideas for Halloween
Time for a change
It’s that time of year again (and I don’t mean when your creepy Uncle Gordon invites himself to stay on your couch for a week because he’s “in between jobs”) and a personal favorite of mine: Halloween. If you’ve read my previous Common Talk article on why people enjoy being scared by horror movies, you’ll begin to see a trend after this article. I love this “creepy” and festive holiday; everything from the candy, to the movies and even the costumes.
It’s been a while though since I put some serious thought into a Halloween costume. For one, I’ve been out of the trick-or-treating game for quite some time now and I may have been to 1 Halloween party my entire life. I might throw on some Mickey Mouse ears and white gloves to appease my kids , but that’s the extent of it. However, I’ve decided to give it a go this year and dress up. Granted, it’ll just be for handing out candy but it’s mostly for my satisfaction and my family’s opportunity to satirize me endlessly.
Get away from the status-quo
The million dollar question of course, is what kind of costume? Do I find a an already assembled one at a sketchy Halloween store that’s only open for one month out out of the year? They disappear subsequent the 31st as if it was never there; I’ve always wondered what they do the other 11 months of the year (probably selling hedgehogs on the black market would be my guess). Or, do I put in “maximum effort” (one of my favorite Deadpool quotes) and create one myself? The former is pretty much out of the question in so far as I am not willing to shell out $40+ for a costume that will likely start falling apart at the end of the night. Some are decent, but others look like they were designed one night by my dog and cat over a bottle of scotch and a few Valium.
So, I’ll create my own and spend about a 3rd of the price if not less. But I am trying to abstain from what’s popular and been done countless times. There will be a ton of Marvel characters given the success and popularity the movies have gained in the past decade. While I’m a fan of the horror movie icons, we all can see without a crystal ball, that there will be 900 “Pennywise” clowns and “Jigsaw” dolls. So what’s left?
Are you tired of the same old recycled vampire and mummy costumes? Do you vomit on your cat at the thought of another Batman costume? Well, look no further because for a limited time, you can be subject to B.N.Hook’s horrible but original Halloween costume ideas. All for the low price of $560,000!!
A few ideas that will leave people speechless
Now that I’ve really got your attention with my flawless sales pitch, here is my goal with this year’s costume selection. When the I say the word speechless, I’m not saying that in the sense of “wow, that’s such a clever and cool looking costume”. Although, I would take that compliment, that’s not what I’m going for and neither should you. I’m shooting for the reaction of no speech because they are simply confused and not sure what to make of your costume.
My first idea, is a really humdinger: a clothes hanger with a t-shirt on. Hopefully, I’ve achieved the goal of putting a stupid look on your face like someone next to you in an elevator cut one. Will you look ridiculous? I’m banking on it. But will any other person be dressed as one? Not unless they are surrounded by padded white walls and shackles. To be clear, the point of this article isn’t to provide a tutorial on how to go about creating these ridiculous masterpieces; I’ll leave that up to your creative side. The goal is to just give you a some new inspiration and perhaps giving Karen at your Halloween work party, a run for her money with the same stupid toaster oven costume she’s worn for the past 12 years.
Next from my bag of demented tricks, I’ll pull out a piece of paper that says a recycling bin filled to the brim. I’ve now achieved the look on my own face I had described to you earlier, by simply thinking up this inane idea. That’s right, you might be Baker Acted for this one, but you’ll certainly get a few laughs out of it. With this one, you’re torso is in the recycling bin (I recommend making one out of cardboard or else the city ordinances might be calling you to a different party) and you can create a hat, gluing as man recyclables as possible on top of it (or if you’re drunk enough, gluing it directly to your head also works). Seeing as you’re just super gluing everything together, you could probably get your “trash hat” a couple feet high and really become a “special” spectacle.
Your turn-anything goes
I just came up with two ideas that I guarantee you won’t find at the seasonal Halloween store. There are no rules so don’t worry about if it’s a good costume. The only pertinent criteria for thinking up an impressive Halloween costume is that no one else around you is doing it. If you think of a costume idea and think to yourself “jeez that’s stupid, I don’t know about that”-perfect, go with that. Because let’s face it, when asked what you were for Halloween last year and you’re forced to utter a Marvel super hero, (not picking on you Marvel, I heart you guys) now you probably feel like that costume was stupid when you say it out loud. In fact, I can hear it now “man, I wish I went with the over-sized t-shirt and coat hanger instead of Thor; now, I’ll never get that promotion.
So, go crazy, get dumb and remember the number one rule of thumb: try to look dumb and you won’t be the same humdrum. Yup, I’m a world famous rapper now and my album just went triple plastic.
Till next ride