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Fun new products on my Christmas shopping list

Updated on October 22, 2008

Warning: some people may find the following Hub offensive.

With the holidays approaching fast I have gathered a list of fun new products that I would love to buy for my friends here at Hubpages. These would make great gifts for anyone with a great sense of humor.

For Shirley Anderson.I have chosen the gift of adoption of an alien. Shirley can then adopt it, raise it as her own and not have to be worried about getting anal probed, unless of course that is what she is into.

This is on my shopping list for Shadesbreath

This is really the perfect gift for him as he can always be armed with a beer and not have to waste time going back to the refrigerator/ and or cooler.

This is a great gift for those friends of yours that like fast cars and even better fast women. An I love group sex bumper sticker. This one is on my list for Misha.

This is a great gift for all women. Who couldn't use a bunny? This is a weanie baby, and I know how much Spryte loves animals, especially bunnies. This item is on my shopping list for Spryte.

The next item is a wearable gift, a funny T-shirt. Christoph is a truly funny guy, but also the kind of guy that you can always count on for help and advice.

For B.T. Evilpants I have decided on the Hornitos pills, By looking at his rack you might think he is horny enough, but being extra horny is even better.

For MistHorizon2003, I have chosen Instapoop. I know that misty has had a lot of animals in her life, so I am sure she has seen a lot of poop. This is for when she gets reminiscent of her childhood.

For Constant Walker I have decided on a on some crime scene tape, based on his hub Looking for a roommate.

On my list of gift I have chosen this particular gift for Agvulpes. I know that he would enjoy this finger shaped nose hair trimmer.

The following item on my list is for Julie-Ann Amos.

I think julie might enjoy a design your own beaver game as Julie has published a hub about Pubic hairstyle.

For Princessa I have chosen a giant martini glass.This will come in handy for all her great parties.

For Sixtyorso, I have decided that an apron for this self proclaimed foodie is the perfect gift for this sexy man.

For SirDent, I have put men's underwear repair kit. You just never know when you might have a blowout, and with this little kit you will always be prepared.

For Sally's Trove I think the perfect gift for her is Liquid Ass, then the next time she decides to gossip she can spray this before and no one will want to be around to hear in on it.

When Ananta65 cannot get his daughter to clean her room he now just comdem it.

And last but definitely not least, Ryan Hupfer or Hup, I have decide to get him a new mouse, so that he can enjoy his work even more.

I hope everyone who reads this will check out the profiles of the people I have mentioned here, They are a fun and talented bunch.

To my HP friends, I hope you enjoy your virtual gifts.

I know that I have left some of my friends off this list and I am sorry. I will try to do another hub before Christmas so that you can be on my shopping list too.

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    • gwendymom profile image
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      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Denise, your right. I do have a lot of time on my hands, actually I usually have too much time on my hands.

      Merry Christmas to you and yours also!

    • denise mohan profile image

      denise mohan 8 years ago from California

      Gwendy, you have alot of time on your hands. nice to share it with your virtual friends. Merry Mas to you and yours...

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shirley, I don't know where you have been? but the more important question is Was it fun? Glad you love your gift. I like Spryte's idea of Sigourney Weaver.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Oh say! I'll bet you're right, Spryte! That might be a good match, though inter-species. She'd understand, but I hope the children don't suffer.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Not I...but Sigourney Weaver might be available.

    • Shirley Anderson profile image

      Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Gwendy! Where have I been? I just came across this hub now!

      I love, love, love my gift!!! Thank-you so much. I'm going to call him Harold. He can grow up to be Prime Minister and bring peace to all the galaxies. Naturally, he'll continue the war against unwanted anal probes.

      Now, I want Harold to marry well when he gets older. Anybody got a nice daughter?

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Julie-Ann, I am so sorry it has taken so long to reply to your comment. I was also busy. I hope you had safe travels and more importantly a good time.

      Sweetie Pie, The insta-poo is pretty funny, and I would buy it, as a gag gift of course. I love the weird, odd and funny. It makes life a little more fun.

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

      The Instant Pop reminds me of cleaning up the dog yard. I cannot imagine buying that LOL. Wonder who does :).

    • Julie-Ann Amos profile image

      Julie-Ann Amos 8 years ago from Gloucestershire, UK

      Hey I'd never be mad about it I'd be flattered! Sorry i've been out of the discussion, I was in Berlin last week for a ghostwriting assignment otherwise I'd have chipped in more and been a bit more sociable!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Why on earth would you want your belt sanded? Let alone your antlers!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Misha, I won't even comment.

      Spryte, I have no idead where we are going, just a spur of the moment thing and I haven't thought this through very well, like most things I do. You might talk to Princessa. I am hoping for that too, you just never know who could be trying to wax you.

      Shades, Ouch to the belt sander. I think he might prefer the waxing, or maybe he is into belt sanders.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      I'll come but I ain't drinking none of that sissy French wine. And couldn't we just dip BT in a bucket of Nair or something? Give him some sort of dipillatory shampoo? Heck, even a belt sander would be fun.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *waves to Sixty*

      I love you too!!

      I might go...how close to a border will we be or perhaps the US Embassy? That might come in handy in case I need to run away screaming "Help! I'm being waxed!"

    • Misha profile image

      Misha 8 years ago from DC Area

      Of waxing B.T.? Rightly so! It should be a heartbreaking sight :D

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      I'm getting scared.

    • Misha profile image

      Misha 8 years ago from DC Area

      Aww, that you Princessa, I am flattered with your invitation. Does it mean we can have Mark, Jenny, and Sandy, too? Oh, Mark is already there, so it's gonna be even easier :D

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Agvulpes, Of course you can come, and bring your finger if you want.

      B.T. I don't know if we could get you through customs. Can you get a passport? Besides, I really think If I am going to party I don't want bruises all over my legs. Hmmm, the offer of leaving the pills at home home is promising, but Princessa says you have to get waxed.

    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      Hey, I didn't get my invitation! If you guys let me come, too, I promise to leave these pills at home. Pretty please? No waxing for me, though.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Can I bring my Finger?

      It might help with the waxing and whatever?

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Princessa, I think it is me, Christoph, CW, and maybe Spryte, she is kind of scared of getting waxed, so I'm not sure. Sixty does need to go with that sexy apron. I don't know if Shades is going and to be honest with you I'm a little afraid of Misha's friends.

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      Wow! I just went for a glass of wine last night -waxing was done last week- had a short sleep and I missed all the fun in here ...

      So who is coming to France? Christoph? Gwendy, CW? Don’t forget to invite Sixtyorso, with his apron… ONLY with the apron and we will need to extend the invitation to Misha’s group for some extra fun ;-)

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Sixtyorso, So glad you liked your gift, and yes it was insider information. I have spies everywhere. Glad you got a good laugh, sorry your stomach is aching, and glad you found us. You should become a tracker. We love you too, especially the girls.

      B.T. that poor hamster. At least your are leaving rmr's leg alone. Maybe the bruising will heal.

    • B.T. Evilpants profile image

      B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

      I just took some of these pills, and they don't seem to be...wait a minute, I feel...oooh, the hamster is awake! Be back later!!

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      Hi guys As you know I am on a different time zone. you guys carry on while I sleep and vice versa. but at least I now know what you guys were on about when you were doing the bodyswapping bit.

      Thanks for the great gift. loved the comment on the apron. But How did you know?  Insider information somewhere.

      I am still wiping he tears from my eyes and my stomach is aching from all the laughs I have had reading your comments.

      I look forward to catching up each day and the fun I have trying to find the hub on which the threads have moved to.

      I love you all! (um especially the girls!)

    • gwendymom profile image
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      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Ok everyone I am going now, and Shades, I will deal with you tomorrow. Good Night and sweet dreams.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      It's that cute avatar, it can't be resisted.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      A very scary guy.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Goodnight you sexy Biotch.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Yeah. So I read. Good night everybody!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Christoph has another fan.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Well you would have won my heart Shades! but Christoph is better looking than you. Sorry to break it to you like this man!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Whatever Shades, Tell me know before I have to break out the ass kicking boots.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Yeah because she bribed all the refs and she's a chick.  She never would have survived the twinkie incident, so the whole thing is a sham and a travesty of sportsmanship.  I may take it to the commissioner tomorrow.

      And I'm out too. Night, y'all.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      I only know one...

      Confucius say - Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

      Okies...I'm heading to bed and uh...Christoph guess what?  I get to be Bugs Bunny!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      /looks up innocently at Gwendy and bats big, doleful eyes that shimmer in the light with purity beyond the capacity for teasing and stuff.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      It's ok, your so darn cute you don't have to be funny.

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      I already used my only confucious joke.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      What did I miss on the pub thing that Ag said? I am confused and I think you are being a tease and enjoying it very much.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Waiting for what? Now I think I missed something. I must have needed to drink another martini before I put it all away.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shades, I'm still waiting.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Shades I thought you might enjoy that one. It comes from a highly reputed place of education. All right if you insist. I just read it from my sons boxer shorts hanging on the clothes line.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      The confucius one about man who sniff Coke drowns. That's good stuff.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks Ajcor, glad you are laughing, still. Come by again and join in on the fun.

    • ajcor profile image

      ajcor 8 years ago from NSW. Australia

      This is hilarious - still laughing - thanks Gwendymom!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Welcome!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      What did I miss Shades?

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      LOL @ "sniffing coke" one. I'mma use that one.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thank you Ag, I'll try to stay for awhile longer.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      One more for you to ponder on your journey to noddyland.

      Confusius say "man who pees into strong wind gets own back"!

      So its goodnight from him, sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Oh my God I'm tired, but I can't go to bed know, just too much fun going on. Glad I beat you to the punc Ag.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Confusius says "Man or woman who sniffs Coke drowns"

      I thought that was rather appropriate!

      Gwen I nearly wrote that one!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Confucius say, man walking through airport turnstile sideways going to bankok.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      and good will to all men!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Sleeping pills do wonders for your typing, Gwendy.  LOL

      Confucius say, "Woman flying upside down have hairy crack up."

      He also say, "Man who have sex with woman lying on ground get piece on earth."

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Ok, I am still confused and am not smoking pot, I am however under the influence of sleeping pills.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Confusus say "Man or Woman who smoke pot, finish up with handle stuck in throat?"

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Whhaaaat? :0 what did I miss? I said pubic regions. Pubic lice, what?

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      G'day Shades thought the suggestion of a beer might flush you out!

      My SHOUT !!!!

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      LOL Gwendy, as I was reading down this list, and AG went with that anything with a Pub thing... I just knew you'd see the obvious next step. You didn't dissapoint. lol.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      LOL, good one agvulpes!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Pubably!

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Do you think they are both Republicans?

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      pubic region, etc, You are so right. maybe that how they came across Hubpages, they thought it said pubhages or something like that.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Golly I thought Chris was way past puberty! Or is this the Claytons one!

      By what I hear Shades and Chris will be in anything with the three letters "pub" in the front? You know what I mean Public Bar, Publicity etc.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      I think him and Christoph went to CR's puberty party. If anything can pull him away from that it is free beer.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Of course your'e right Gwendymom, you don't need an excuse to have a beer, what on earth was I thinking. Shame on me!

      My shout!!! That should bring Shades out , someone else buyin'?

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Agvulpes, I think he would have already had a beer and might need the ambulance. Just a guess though.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      I wonder when was the last time Shades asked a bald man if he could look at his back. Depending on the response I think he'd need one of those beers for sure. Or an ambulance!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Julie, Thanks for stopping by and not being mad for including you in my hub. I just loved yours so much and had to help promote you.

      Shades, If only it was that easy for us, The hair just does not fall out. As a matter of fact it seems to take on a tighter grip and doesn't want to be removed. And have you ever noticed that most guys who are bald grow hair on their backs? It's really weird.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      There's always electrolysis. Takes some time and money, but hey, it's permanent (although I have to say, seems like it gives a wrinkled effect to the upper lip).

      Smooth is good though, the Europeans have it right.  You know, guys go bald as they get older (at least the more evolved ones still climbing up the ladder from the apes further and further as they go) on their heads... maybe women should evolve more as they get older and go bald in the, uh, other key areas.

    • Julie-Ann Amos profile image

      Julie-Ann Amos 8 years ago from Gloucestershire, UK

      awesome thanks! I'm so pleased to be included! And great hub - very funny. Thanks so much

    • Misha profile image

      Misha 8 years ago from DC Area

      Are you gonna wax, too?! :O

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

      Ok. I'm going to France too. I'll watch and take copious notes.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Well Princessa...I'll just have to be that hairy celibate American chick. :)

      And, CW...no worries...I wouldn't dream of doing your laundry, or much of anything else since you look perfectly capable :P Although, from the sound of your hubs, I bet we'd have a blast experimenting with food in the kitchen...cooking...that's what I meant.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      One more thing before we go CW, will you make me french toast in the morning?

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Deal! Get your passport ready.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Princessa, It ould take a lot of wine for someone to come at my crotch with some hot wax.

      I wanna go too, and I won't do your laundry, at all. I won't even look at it!

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Spryte, sure!  Just don't try to do my laundry!!!

      Sorry... couldn't help it...

      Princessa, I'm already a complete Italian food freak. I can only imagine it's far better there.

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      Come on girls... pain is just a state of mind -and a lot of wine-

      CW: Tuscany is a great place to be, stunning scenary and excellent food

      spryte: waxing etiquette in Italy is similar to the French, Europeans like their women pretty smooth, so there is no scape LOL

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      rofl , that's funny Misty

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Or 'plucked chicken syndrome' LOL

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      roflmao, I think I'll skip the waxing too. I like to keep things nice and neat in that area, but I'll stick to a razor. It takes more time and I might get a lttle stubble now and then but I just think of the stubble as speed bumps.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Noooo...keep that wax away from my tender bits!! LOL! My sister (a hairdresser) did my eyebrows once and the lights were so bright that my eyes kept tearing up and of course I whined a lot...so just imagine how I'd behave if anyone tried to wax anything even more sensitive.

      CW - Great idea...Tuscany! I don't think they wax women there either. If I end up in France, accosted by mad waxers, can I count on your for asylum?

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Cw, I was just about to tell you that you cam get the pic from the link to the store that all of these products can be purchased from. Glad you found one though. I'll be by to check it out shortly.

      Dottie, I had one of those boards too when I was a kid, and it also wasn't a beaver. I had so much fun with that thing. Thank you Dottie, I hope you drop by again.

      Spryte, your so sweet! You know that if I went I would have to take you. Can you imagine the hell that the three of us could raise. We better find out how they treat their prisoners there in France first. Oh yea, you'll have to get waxed first.

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Spryte, I am seriously considering relocating to Tuscany, Italy.  I wanna live someplace that provides healthcare for its citiznes and Tuscany is, well, ...Tuscany!

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Gwendy, found the PERFECT tape image.  Couldn't believe my luck!  You gotta check it out.  I put it all over the hub.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Gwendy - Y'know if I were wealthy, I'd buy a ticket for you to go to Paris just cuz I bet the story afterward would be hilarious :)

    • Dottie1 profile image

      Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

      Hi Gwendy....Your christmas gift list hub is sooo sooo funny. I think you put in a lot of thought to buying the right gift for the right friend. I had one of those designer boards when I was a kid....I don't think it was a beaver one though but it still was a lot of fun! Such an entertaining hub. I loved it!

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Gwendy; If I can find one the right shape, I'm going to add an image of crime-scene tape to "Roommate Wanted."

      Thanks for the great idea!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Princessa, I am pretty sure that if I showed up to one of your parties and I had to get "waxed" the words I would be saying would be owee owee.

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      LOL, yes better don't ask, just come wit your martini glass and say OUI OUI OUI

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Princessa, I just realized that The french don't shave their legs. Your right, better not to ask.

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      Better do not ask... France has some strange ways @_@ but it is always fun!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Princessa, I am afraid to ask where the full waxing should be, my legs or other places? Thanks for the invite, If I am ever in France I will look you up. I will bring my own martini glass, I have one of those and use it for shrimp cocktail, It works great!

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      After such a nice present how can I not say that you are more than welcome to join us at any of our parties :) but I must warn you... full waxing is recommended -you never know who you might meet at one of this parties!

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      lol, I decided last night to play with this new toy. So I decided to wax my eyebrows, I didn't see much results as I have just had them waxed last week. So I decided to try more things. First let me say that I hate shaving my thighs. I hate it hate it hate it! I shave my lower legs everyday and do not mind that, but I only shave my thigh in the summer. That is just too much area to cover and it takes forever. So I decided after waxing hair from all over my body that I would try waxing my thigh, I thought this is going to be great. I won't have to shave anymore and I won't have to wax that often because it pulls it out by the root so it takes longer to grow back. So I proceeded to spread the hot wax on my inner thigh, because what a logic starting point that is. I got the muslin strip and pressed it onto the hot wax and then pulled. I won't be doing that again and I know have a huge bruise on the inside of my thigh. I figure if it does this to my thigh I am not going anywere near my bikini area with that stuff. I'll just stick to the razor.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Without question... although not nearly as effective in overall and actual aesthetic, uh, smoothery.

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shades, lol. That reminds me I just got a home waxing kit yesterday and I'm thinking that little game would be a lot less painfull.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      That opens up a whole slew of mental imagery fun, there, Gwendy. lol

    • gwendymom profile image
      Author

      gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

      Shades, Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so glad you like it. The beaver design kit is priceless, I think I would like to have one too. How better to spend my time then designing beaver hairstyles? Your welcome, and anytime.