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Updated on September 18, 2009

'The North Pole's West Virginia'

Written by Delaney Boling

Imagine this sung to 'Hotel California' by The Eagles...

On a cold Winter evening,
Lot's of frost in his hair.
Santa's beard is so bushy,
It couldn't be removed with Nair.
Up ahead in the distance,
He saw a toothless jug band.
His sack was heavy
With all his pretty toys,
And he had to use the can.
He was greeted by some cousins
Who were busy making out.
And they said "Drink some of this here 'shine to warm up.
It'll sure make you shout!"
So he picked up a banjo,
And put on a trucker hat.
He spit tobaccy in a NASCAR cup,
And then unbuttoned his fat.
And they said...

Welcome to the North Pole's West Virginia!
Uncle Daddy's here... (repeat)
Passed out in his beer... (repeat)
Welcome to the North Pole's West Virginia!
Folks here shoot off their toes… (repeat)
And eat yellow snow.....

So they invited him to supper,
And they poured him some more 'shine.
and he said...
"Ho,ho,ho! I haven't been this drunk since 1649!"
He went looking for his reindeer,
But they weren’t in the stable.
He looked down in horror at his empty plate
and saw their bones were all over the table...
Well Santa ran off screaming after crashing through the screendoor.
and Bubba said...
"You Ungrateful North Pole Yankee!
Dontcha’ Come Around Here No More!”
He hid behind the tractor,
From Bubba's shotgun shells.
And Santa thought to himself

“I think I’d rather be in Hell”


Welcome to the North Pole's West Virginia!
Such a lovely State… (repeat)

Where siblings mate… (repeat)
Garth Brooks is God at the North Pole's West Virginia!
Wipe your nose on your sleeve... (repeat)
'Cause you can never leave!


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