Halloween Jokes For Kids
I don't know whether to laugh my head off or scream and run away, Halloween is near and times are getting a bit scary now. Some of the jokes below you might just find funny and some will be so bad they could spoil your fun of Halloween forever.
"Trick or Treat!"
There will be a lot of moans and groans this Halloween time as more people read these jokes and maybe just you will hear the odd cackle of laughter as some strange person actually finds one of them funny.
So settle in your seat grab some candy and let the jokes begin.
Please remember that it is Halloween and some of these jokes may scare you, not in the content though but just by how unfunny they really are. If you have a heart condition please beware and if you think that you have a loose neck please leave this page we don't want to be responsible for you laughing your head off!
Where Did My Head Go?
Golden Oldie Halloween Jokes
Lets start with some older Halloween jokes that are easy to remember and still get the odd laugh these days, even if Noah was telling them to the animals in the Ark all of those years ago.
- What is a Ghosts favorite food? Spooketti.
- Where does a Vampire keep his money? In a Blood Bank.
- I used to be a werewolf but I'm alright Noooooooooowwwww!
- What is the difference between a broom stick and a pumpkin? Have you ever tried to fly on a pumpkin?
- What is the difference between a broom stick and a pumpkin? Have you ever tasted Broomstick pie?
- What do you call a female Scottish skeleton? A bony lassie.
- What is the worst meal you can give to a vampire? Stake pie.
- What is Frankenstein's favorite food? Monster Mash.
- Why did the ghost run away? He was spooked.
- Ghosts are very polite you know, they only spook when they are spooken too.
Those Jokes were really old and creepy, they should have been interned in the graveyard long before now.
Let us see if you like some longer jokes, these jokes tell a scary story with a bit of fun at the end.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood
and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling
him about where he got it.
He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep
but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of
bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest
full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"
Nora Bone was delivering a new plastic skeleton to the doctor's office. As she waited at the main desk Nora was aware that the waiting room full of patients was staring at her. So she smiled and said," I am bringing him in to doctor Henderson."
An old lady said sympathetically, "My dear! Isn't it a bit late for the doctor?"
A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.
Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.
French Maid Jimmy For Halloween!
Maybe the long jokes were a bit too long and maybe they were just right but here are some shorter Halloween jokes that will spook you so much that you will probably be bored.
- Who loves to stay in the kitchen mixing cakes on Halloween? Count Spatula!
- Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
- A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
- Monster: It is a very hot day today!
Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
- Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits!
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? Because he had no BODY to go with!
- What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin!
- What goes around a haunted house and never stops? A fence!
- “Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf.” “Please be quiet daughter and comb your face.”
- What is a vampires favorite holiday? Fangsgiving!
- What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A hollow-weenie!
- Why do witches use brooms? Vacuum cleaners are far too heavy!
- What happened when the young witch misbehaved? She was sent to her broom!
- What do witches put on their hair? Scare Spray!
- Why did the Game Warden arrest the ghost? He Didn't have a haunting licence!
Well done to you if you have managed to make it this far, you have a good stomach for bad jokes maybe you will be one of the few people who read until the end.
Who Needs A Halloween Mask?
What is a ghosts favorite food
Halloween Scary Story!
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"
and on that note I think it is time to quit, hope that you enjoyed my trip into the world of Halloween.
© 2014 James Paterson