ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Halloween Jokes For Kids

Updated on September 23, 2014

Happy Halloween

I don't know whether to laugh my head off or scream and run away, Halloween is near and times are getting a bit scary now. Some of the jokes below you might just find funny and some will be so bad they could spoil your fun of Halloween forever.

"Trick or Treat!"

There will be a lot of moans and groans this Halloween time as more people read these jokes and maybe just you will hear the odd cackle of laughter as some strange person actually finds one of them funny.

So settle in your seat grab some candy and let the jokes begin.

(Disclaimer)

Please remember that it is Halloween and some of these jokes may scare you, not in the content though but just by how unfunny they really are. If you have a heart condition please beware and if you think that you have a loose neck please leave this page we don't want to be responsible for you laughing your head off!

Where Did My Head Go?

Looks like this poor guy did not read the disclaimer, I take no responsibility for his condition
Looks like this poor guy did not read the disclaimer, I take no responsibility for his condition | Source

Golden Oldie Halloween Jokes

Lets start with some older Halloween jokes that are easy to remember and still get the odd laugh these days, even if Noah was telling them to the animals in the Ark all of those years ago.

  • What is a Ghosts favorite food? Spooketti.
  • Where does a Vampire keep his money? In a Blood Bank.
  • I used to be a werewolf but I'm alright Noooooooooowwwww!
  • What is the difference between a broom stick and a pumpkin? Have you ever tried to fly on a pumpkin?
  • What is the difference between a broom stick and a pumpkin? Have you ever tasted Broomstick pie?
  • What do you call a female Scottish skeleton? A bony lassie.
  • What is the worst meal you can give to a vampire? Stake pie.
  • What is Frankenstein's favorite food? Monster Mash.
  • Why did the ghost run away? He was spooked.
  • Ghosts are very polite you know, they only spook when they are spooken too.

Those Jokes were really old and creepy, they should have been interned in the graveyard long before now.

Vampires

This guy is hoping for some juicy blood in his bag this Halloween
This guy is hoping for some juicy blood in his bag this Halloween | Source

Halloween Howlers!

Let us see if you like some longer jokes, these jokes tell a scary story with a bit of fun at the end.

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood

and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling

him about where he got it.

He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep

but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of

bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest

full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around

him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

Nora Bone was delivering a new plastic skeleton to the doctor's office. As she waited at the main desk Nora was aware that the waiting room full of patients was staring at her. So she smiled and said," I am bringing him in to doctor Henderson."

An old lady said sympathetically, "My dear! Isn't it a bit late for the doctor?"

A guy named Billie Bob Joe goes to a costume dress party with a girl on his back.

Harold, answering the door: What are you supposed to be?
Billie Bob Joe: A turtle.
Harold: What do you mean?
Billie Bob Joe: The girl on my back is Michelle.

French Maid Jimmy For Halloween!

Betcha wished your girlfriend was Hot like me!
Betcha wished your girlfriend was Hot like me! | Source

Halloween Jokes

Maybe the long jokes were a bit too long and maybe they were just right but here are some shorter Halloween jokes that will spook you so much that you will probably be bored.

  • Who loves to stay in the kitchen mixing cakes on Halloween? Count Spatula!
  • Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
    “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
  • A skeleton walks in to a bar. He goes to the bartender and says, "I'm going to need a beer and a mop."
  • Monster: It is a very hot day today!
    Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade?
    Monster: Yes!
    Witch: Poof! You're lemonade!
  • Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits!
  • Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? Because he had no BODY to go with!
  • What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin!
  • What goes around a haunted house and never stops? A fence!
  • “Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf.” “Please be quiet daughter and comb your face.”
  • What is a vampires favorite holiday? Fangsgiving!
  • What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A hollow-weenie!
  • Why do witches use brooms? Vacuum cleaners are far too heavy!
  • What happened when the young witch misbehaved? She was sent to her broom!
  • What do witches put on their hair? Scare Spray!
  • Why did the Game Warden arrest the ghost? He Didn't have a haunting licence!

Well done to you if you have managed to make it this far, you have a good stomach for bad jokes maybe you will be one of the few people who read until the end.

Who Needs A Halloween Mask?

Betcha wish your Boyfriend was hot like me!
Betcha wish your Boyfriend was hot like me! | Source

Halloween Jokes

What is a ghosts favorite food

See results

Halloween Scary Story!

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"

and on that note I think it is time to quit, hope that you enjoyed my trip into the world of Halloween.

© 2014 James Paterson

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      3 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      What a fun hub Jimmy and yes, you make one hot chick! Big thanks.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 

      3 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Those were all pretty good. It sure got me in the spirit...

    • twoseven profile image

      twoseven 

      3 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      Ok, I had no idea there were this many Halloween jokes! These come at the perfect time for me as my 5 year old is just getting into trying to tell his own jokes (with mixed success). This will give him some good material to try out on the playground.

    • Corrinna-Johnson profile image

      Corrinna Johnson 

      3 years ago from BC, Canada

      Love the corny jokes! Thanks for the laughs!

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 

      3 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Jimmy,

      The jokes were corny, but I stilled laughed. Thanks for publishing this fun article.

    • handymanbill profile image

      Bill 

      3 years ago from western pennsylvania

      Last one was the best!

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      3 years ago from SW England

      That last one was so sick!

      Great collection of bad, bad jokes. They did raise a smile though.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh. Great fun even if the jokes were corny as hell. :)

    • RichGirl Drama profile image

      RichGirl Drama 

      3 years ago from Mobile, Alabama

      Wow that's awesome, Im scared!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)