Happy Birthday My Darling Twins
At 3 months
I awoke long before dawn and stumbled to the bathroom in the dark. As I stood there my water broke and I didn't know what it was at first, I thought my bladder had broken. This body was a mystery to me. Our little pooch, Snoopy looked up at me as if to say "is something wrong? No, nothing was wrong except that I still had several weeks to go as the projected birth date was concerned.
I waddled into the bedroom to speak with a groggy husband that I'd broken my water. He became alert suddenly and flew from the bed, the perfect example of the protector male. I calmed him down as I felt no labor pains whatsoever only a sense of good fortune that I would soon no longer be pregnant and would be able to view my feet once more.
Labor pains would come about 5 hours later. Meanwhile Mike was on the phone with the hospital staff wondering when to bring me in. I sheepishly explained I'd only seen the doctor once as I had a deep aversion to hospitals for what I figured was a natural process that should be allowed to take it's course without going under a knife which was such a common practice those days.
I actually had taken Lamaze classes with Mike and planned he should view the delivery process the more better to bond with the child I had carried these many months. At that point I did not know there were two children in my uterus even though my mother had had a dream I would birth twins, she had also said this about my sister who would be expecting a child around the same time period as myself. And so I had blown off her vision.
This was one large baby I had convinced myself.
At Four Years
Hospital or Motel Room Delivery?
I told Mike I wanted to go to a motel room all by myself and give birth. I realized how silly I was being and we both smiled at my irregular fantasy, for I must have been living in my head, in another time period as an Indian maid midwife, where giving birth was like falling off a log; you just did it. You struggled through it and you didn't complain nor cry out for drugs.
In this other time, you didn't treat pregnancy as if it were a disease to combat and you certainly didn't feed the newborn a synthetic formula as their first taste of food which to my dismay was what happened even though I had given forth with my request to breastfeed them their first meal. It appears I had landed in a time period in this world where women's breasts were not used for what their design was for. Instead, I discovered in my early twenties, breasts were boy toys and women were making them larger. I'd have to remind the nurse, I wanted to do things the old fashioned way.
About mid morning on that day we shuffled off to the hospital because Mike was the levelheaded one, and for awhile I would follow him because I loved him and these were his first children also. I would make a lot of compromises in my life. This was just one more.
Nine hours in the hospital delivery room later they were born 7 minutes apart around 3pm. I was up and about and prowling around the hospital corridors looking for my children, still surprised I had two, not one to be responsible for. I had gained 70 lbs during the gestation period and this even though it seemed I barely ate anything.
Still I felt guilty somehow as I was told to gain only 23 lbs was ideal. I just mumbled to myself, well, OK, collective mind, tell that to my body. I had gone to the doctor only once whereby his ultra sound gadget picked up two heartbeats but still he thought his gadget was not working properly as I suppose he'd not come across twins yet in his career.
Fact is I'd had two warnings and failed to pick up on either that twins were coming! So much for being this psychic person I thought I was. I did not return to the doctor for further checkups as I had my prenatal capsules and did not want to take any drugs for any reason and as I said, I do not trust the medical community, not now and not then.
As it turned out they were quite healthy, and as for problems, I had noticed there at the last, I had fat feet, which is the gaining of water called edema. No problem as I couldn't find my feet to look at them. If I'd taken drugs for that, I don't know how it could have effected my children.
Across my face I had a pregnancy mask which went away eventually. Being pregnant is supremely annoying. I had no energy. There at the end of my term I just gave up waiting for the big day and started to make myself move around more and almost started to feel like the old energetic me so when my water broke, it reminded me, oh yea, I am pregnant, they told me this would happen.
The one thing that didn't go away after childbirth was the pain in the back caused by accepting what they call a epidural. Perhaps the needle had been too close to the nerve. It took a full year to overcome the nagging pain of the injection back there.
I regretted having had it done to me as I'd wanted the birth to be completely natural, however in the pain of the delivery, you simply do not have the capacity to think clearly and when offered the injection I'd said yes against my earlier better judgement.
Another compromise made for living in this medical society who are in love with their drugs and also who cannot bear the sound of a woman who is making pain noises during delivery.
Apparently the noises I was making was helping me to deal with it as I began to experiment with different way to produce the most piercing scream, it seemed to take my mind off the pain as I pushed the wee ones out into the world, but not anybody else in the room appreciated my dexterity and vocalization technique.
Later, The pain in the back was only when sitting down and only once in a while for a year, and so it did nothing to stop my enjoyment of motherhood and I tried to get over my grudge against modern society and the way they do whatever it is they do, that shouldn't be done, without informing of possible side effects that take like forever to heal up.
Watching Them Grow
I nursed the babies for 6 to 8 months before starting to introduce baby food, and it became necessary when little teeth began to clamp down on the nipple, this will never do! I raised the children by instinct and intuition and mainly my child rearing technique consisted of squeezing their plump little bodies every time one scuttled by at my feet.
It is a joyful feeling to feel a baby's soft, smooth skin pressed to your face, and to look into clear, bright, lively eyes that speak of heavenly secrets. All in all they were a slippery twosome, a little difficult to keep track of, a little difficult to catch hold of. I had heard their laughter before they were born to me. I had been out of body flying around. Not all people will understand me when I say I met my children before they were born.
No one can sway me from my truth. I know what I heard, I know what I felt and I know, I have a lot of fun out of body, more fun than I have while in my body, and that's a fact.
My spirit children had been waiting for me to get pregnant, but at this time, they would not be born until I was 26 years old and had found their father to be.
Their father would have to bequeath his lovely eyes to my girls which he did.
At 19, I knew I was cavorting with some spirit children out of body but didn't know they were going to be born to me. At the same time they were ageless spirits, having known adulthood in another life circumstance which I'm not going into here as it's not relevant to this birthday salute. The spirit has no set age for the form that is worn. Although I've heard in general our spirit bodies utilize a mid-20s appearance.
The laughter I heard was reminiscent of the tone their voices made when they became young adults; when I heard this sound in physical life I was immediately reminded of the laughter I'd heard, out of body, when I was 19 and so very wet behind the ears as concerning spiritual matters.
I didn't know then what I know now, we had all been together before, in another time and place, and now was a new life just beginning for all of us, and I was the doorway. Being the mother of twins, I couldn't be prouder and even joined a Mothers of Twins organization for awhile.
Kindergarten At Last!
Time Races On
I'd wanted them to be models. I wanted to show them off to the world. It was only natural to have pride in them. Soon enough all identical twins begin to show individual traits of the soul underneath and I saw this matching set which had arrived did not contain the same essence contents, nor personality traits.
The way each looked at the world was different, the essence of each was unique. One seemed right brained, the other left brained predominantly. This was indicated by one's hair swirl went left in growth, the other grew in the opposite direction. Mike had noticed this and pointed it out to me.
They had shared a common placenta which told us the egg had split in two and made them what is called identical twins versus fraternal twins which each have their own placenta. This was all we knew about twins at that time.
Even though identical to most people, I could see one had a quality which made her eyes slightly larger than the other. The other had eyes ever so slightly turned up at the corner, but I was the only one that saw this difference it was so subtle.
Their baby talk to each other would portray this interaction they had. They kept up an incessant chatter back and forth of no discernible language, but each seemed to perfectly understand the other, and the inflection and tone of their voices was exactly as if a true conversation were being spoken, complete with questions being asked and answers matter of factly delivered.
I was aghast. I was observing them communicate to one another and it made perfect sense to them, but only gibberish to me. I stood quietly by listening, and while I was in the room they paid no attention to me. I was relegated to observer of this interaction and this most serious conversation of baby talk and forever would ponder what they were saying.
Even to this day, now that they use people language, it's difficult for me to keep up with them. Especially when they finish each others sentences! Or else, speak at the same time! What's a mom to do? A mom just watches and smiles on them.
All Grown Up
Mid to late 80's In Denver
Maybe I'm not supposed to interrupt with questions. So I don't. I'm just glad they arrived, got here safely and that nothing really bad happened in their lives, except for losing their father at age 10 and at least they had him for 10 yrs whereby some children would go through life not knowing who their father was.
Reminiscing further, I recall how they each had a pink crib with wheels on it. I recall how in the morning I would hear them "driving" their pink cribs across the floor so they could be closer together. I'd placed each crib along opposite walls. I soon learned you just don't try to separate twins as they find a way to be together!
I also recall catching them trying to sneak outside when the screen door was latched. I came into the room and one was atop the shoulders of the other, weaving back and forth for balance to unlock the screen and yet they hadn't even begun to talk yet! I mean in English. They were still doing baby gibberish at that time.
When they did learn to talk I still don't remember much about that, I still hear the sound of their lively little bodies rushing by me on their way to play some game, I still hear them laughing throughout the house. I remember thinking, shouldn't I introduce some discipline of some sort?
And how soon should I start making them do their own laundry? Isn't there something I should be doing as a new mother? But no, I couldn't think of anything to interrupt 2 little cyclones racing by on a tricycle unless it was to toss a peanut butter sandwich at them now and again.
Perhaps a bath? Mostly they were enjoying childhood and were free spirits. I was always a free spirit myself and it would come as no surprise they would be that also. It was touch and go through the teen years, but we all came out of that eventually to be a close knit little family of three with a large extended family, a bunch of friends, and my life has been grand as a sort of peacemaker type of energy.
I did have to not be a peacemaker when it comes to twins.
They'll work it out somehow on their own because they always had their own language. Love you babes! Thanks for choosing me as your mother! Live long and be well. I feel there's so much more for us up ahead but what we have now is enough for me and it was fun even when I worried I wasn't a good enough mother for you, I remember how much fun it was watching you grow up. All my love, Mother