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Holidays: Don't Dwell on the Date

Updated on November 19, 2012

Having a sister who had a different mother, we always had to make adjustments during the holidays. I've heard divorced families get down right irate when they don't get their way during the holidays but luckily, my mother just sort of rolled with whatever my sister's mother wanted to do. Dates were always important to my sister's mother so there was not one single time our side of the family celebrated Christmas on December 25th.

Some may consider this a weakness on my mother's part and think that she and my father should have fought to have my sister every other Christmas or half the day, or however parenting guidelines work. What some people don't realize is that parenting guidelines were put into place because a large portion of divorced parents can't get along well enough to compromise visitation on their own, which was never a problem between my mom and dad, and my sister's mom and her step-dad. Not to mention my sister's mom and step-dad lived two hours away so extra compromises were necessary anyway.

Birthdays were the same way. My sister's birthday is October 7th, my older brothers are October 25th and November 10th. My mom just always made sure to celebrate all three during whatever weekend my sister was in town. She got this idea from her own mother (my grandmother) who had ten children and realized early on that she couldn't make it to every child and grandchild's birthday party, so she set aside the first Sunday of every month to celebrate all the birthdays for that month, in her own house with the whole family in attendance.

I've also heard people concerned that their child shouldn't have to share their special day, but if you grow up with that practice as the norm then it shouldn't bother them. I'm glad I grew up encouraged to share because I now share my exact birth day of May 4th with my niece and nephew who also both happen to be siblings, precisely four years apart.

We usually attend several Thanksgivings, on and up to a week before or after the fourth Thursday in November. As far as the other holidays go, I can't make a good argument one way or the other because I've never really celebrated them. I never stay awake long enough to watch the ball drop on New Year's and I don't like loud noises so I usually avoid any holiday with fireworks. The same startle reflex also makes me not look so forward to Halloween.

I also think that no holiday is worth fighting over and teaching children to compromise is more important than battling over every little date.


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    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh, I so agree. It is just a day set aside to be thankful, any day will do. You have a wise mother..Cheers

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 5 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      having complicated family and keeping them together isn't easy especially mums. Happy holiday to u!

    • dcollins3 profile image

      Dawn Collins 5 years ago from Indianapolis

      I understand. I lost my father in September so this will be our first holiday season without him.

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      No Holiday is worth fighting over . There will be many "permanent" empty chairs around my quite table this year. What I wouldn't give to have my loved ones visit me for five minutes. I guess the trip down from Heaven is too long.