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How To Cook A Holiday Goose

Updated on December 7, 2011

Step 1

Every year, us "non-vegans" prepare a feast that boasts some magnificent holiday bird. Be that a turkey, cornish hens or even duck. Growing up in a household with several siblings, I inevitably learned to cook holiday goose. Of course, by cooking geese I mean really, really irking people.

Primarily, it is important to understand that everyone has a "hot" button. By this I mean a phrase or action that gets under their skin, a pet peeve if you will. If you are to become an excellent cooker of geese, you must disguise or destroy your own hot button so you are not vulnerable to your own medicine. In other words, if you dish it out, you'd better be willing to take it. This hot button, may be something large or small, but I assure you that everyone has one.

In addition to a hot button, folks also possess fuses of unique yet determinable lengths. The most blessed amongst us are slow to anger, and probably not the best target for your ammatuer goose cookery. Also sweet people are off limits to me, but do whatever you deem necessary, who am I to judge? After all, I'm writing a hub about irking people. Also quiet people internalize emotion and may be no fun to cook. However, I imagine that you have your own thorn, or person who certainly has it coming. What is it about them that bothers you? Is it their smugness, perhaps their boastful or antagonistic nature. Are they an instigator, or a back biting gossip?

Whatever the case may be, the time has come to cook a holiday goose. This first installment is intentionally lofty, as you prepare your recipe for disaster, I don't want to complicate your efforts with specifics. Step one is only to identify who gets their just desserts. By this point, I'm sure you have mentally pictured your target. Very good! They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but this is not revenge, rather a hot, juicy holiday goose.

P.S. Wilkinson IV


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