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I Don’t Know What I’m Getting Him But Rest Assured My Father Will Not Be Getting A Jockstrap For Father’s Day!

Updated on June 15, 2010


I get that when you buy something online they immediately want to put you on their emailing list. I also get that they barrage you with emails whenever there’s a holiday weekend touting their unbelievable two hour free shipping totally insane blowout pricing as a way to try and get you to buy everything that they’re selling. So no surprise that recently I’ve been receiving emails full of sales for Father’s Day and the one that stopped me dead in my tracks was the one from International Jock, underwear and more to the point jockstrap company. Yes, I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve purchased and enjoyed their products but I couldn’t help feeling really weird and dirty when they wanted that to be my Dad’s gift for the upcoming Father’s Day holiday. I don’t know what I’m getting him but rest assured my father will not be getting a jockstrap for Father’s Day! – Don’t Get Me Started!

When the first email came in about the sale of underwear and jockstraps for Father’s Day I thought that it was odd. I mean, unless you call your partner “Daddy” (and there are plenty that do) the thought of buying one’s parents underwear just seems like a place I don’t ever want to go. Then I started doing my usual reasoning and rationalizations. Maybe kids are different today and this is what they get their dads instead of the standard ugly tie? Maybe because everyone’s working out (even though we’re more obese than we’ve ever been) this is the perfect gift for a Dad who is committed to getting back into shape? After all, my own father started back to the gym recently but no, I don’t care how you try to make me “cool” with this, I’m just not. You can’t make me think about buying my Dad jockstraps for Father’s Day, you just can’t. So just when I had wrestled with that demon from the original email I received another email from the International Jock people, now they want me to buy “enhancing underwear” for my Dad. Now for those of you who don’t know what this means, this is padded crotch and in some cases padded ass underwear. ARGHHHHHH! Does it come along with five free sessions at a therapist too? Because that’s the only way I’d be able to make that purchase.

Maybe if my Dad looked like the models on the many web pages of this site with their flat stomachs, tanned bodies and filling out of Speedos…stop, no, I just can’t make it right. In fact it almost seems like something the Religious Right might use for an argument to not let gays have kids or parents. “Your honor, the children actually bought their “Dads” (big sneer in voice) padded jockstraps for Father’s Day. I have to wonder if even seeing these types of catalogs that promote the gay lifestyle and agenda are appropriate for the children to be exposed to let alone the fact that they made purchases from it. It’s clear that these “Dads” are only trying to indoctrinate their children into a lifestyle that will be emotionally and physically damaging to them. I recommend that they be sent to live with their closeted uncle and low self esteem aunt in Canada.”

The thing is that I’m still a Jew and I can’t resist a good sale. So while I won’t be buying for my father, I’m just saying that the old International Jock catalog will most likely get an order from me this holiday with their 25% off Calvin Klein and more. Marketing works, we all know that and I’m living proof as my home is filled with many an “As seen on TV” item which by the way is probably more likely to end up being a gift for my Dad than underwear. Somehow I feel better about buying him the upside down tomato plant or Shamwow as opposed to underwear. Am I alone on this one? I don’t think so. I don’t know what I’m getting him but rest assured my father will not be getting a jockstrap for Father’s Day! – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 7 years ago

      Dearest Scott,

      I am laughing my head off!! My father would have LOVED receiving a jock strap for Father's Day!! Padded pouch and all!! Protecting the 'family jewels' on Father's Day would seem most appropriate to him!! Me, on the other hand, I just could not go there!! You are just too, too funny!!

      Blessings, Earth Angel!!

    • Updownside profile image

      Updownside 7 years ago from Southern California Coastal

      Wow. Nothing says "Happy Father's Day" like a sling for your Dad's junk!

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

      This was so amusingly written, so good! LOL, really. Never get the old jockstrap or enhanced underwear for your Dad for Father's Day. HE'D be even more embarrassed than you would be!

    • Lifesrich profile image

      Lifesrich 7 years ago from Southern California

      Clap On.... Clap Off!! I say off. If my daughter showed up with a jock strap for her Father, I'd die. No ... he would.

      Loved it.

      Be sure to let us know what you did get your Dad for F.D.