I Hate Halloween - With a Burning Passion
The absolute horrendous holiday Halloween is. Absolute misery, like that Stephen King book.
The Joys of Trick or Treating
Oh, the joys of going trick-or-treating with your friends, until you wake up the next day and as it turns out you gained four pounds or more, who knows. You can immediately see it on your face (at least I can)—puffy cheeks, and chins making a staircase down your face onto your chest. Oh, the horrors.
Let the Diets Break Loose
Honestly, Halloween is like a cheat night, where your diet breaks loose and you go on an eating spree of all the treats you have acquired throughout the night, devouring them like the monster you dressed up as.
In all seriousness. Who invented having people dress up as whatever they want and go round scaring strangers at night time? Whenever some kid rings my doorbell for some trick-or-treat, I make sure all my lights are off, so they think no one's home; but instead, I'm also participating in their wee game. Like if I opened the door, what would they expect from me? All I have is fruit, veggies and beans in the house (being the healthy vegan I am). I'm pretty sure a five-year-old would just furrow his brows, crinkle his nose and stick his tongue out at me if I offered to put that in their bag.
Funnily enough, I HAVE been tricking or treating before, and that thing was STRESSFUL. We didn't know what houses we'd been to, it was pitch black outside, it was cold... this list can go on forever. Well, the party before and after was alright —you know, plunging your head in water for a goddam apple. Had a healthy snack and my whole ghouly makeup running down my face. Great.
And God forbid you to dress up your lovely, innocent pets or any animal. Seriously don't torture the poor wee souls. They probably have the same opinion of Halloween as me. They probably won't even know what's going on. I can just imagine you blinding them with that godforsaken eye patch and making them wear a hat three sizes too small, just to see their chubby cheeks. You may get the odd few dogs that actually enjoy dress up, but that's a rare sight.
Please spare them the torture.
Not a Holiday
So ask yourself—is Halloween an actual holiday? It's a no from me, obviously. Okay, the following day or two may be associated with some religions, so (most) places have those days off. But Halloween, seriously who invented that. In some countries, it's not even celebrated.
Back in my day in Poland there was no Halloween (at least in my day) except the day after was about visiting graveyards during the day. Visiting your loved ones that have passed on, standing in the cold, wet cemetery during the day, listening to the priest talk... it was honestly like another funeral. I did come from a Catholic family, so maybe that was most definitely a religious day. Anyway, I'm not getting into any religious stuff since I'm not a religious person anymore, and don't exactly know what I'm talking about. So back then, I didn't even know about dressing up and going trick or treating.
When I learnt about it, I knew it was pointless, however.
The moral of this article is - Halloween is pointless. It's for gaining those extra few pounds which you fought so hard to keep off, or didn't. Dressing up as fantasy creatures you envisioned and go about looking like idiots, visiting stranger's residences and browbeating them to either feed you or prank you. Oh, the joys.
Don't get me totally wrong, I LOVE horror movies.
*incase you didn't get it, this is a joke*
© 2019 Zuzanna Weronika Szafranska