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Like A Bad Lover, Christmas Is Coming Too Early

Updated on November 24, 2009


‘Twas the week before Thanksgiving when I awoke with a start, the radio alarm clock did more than just hark. From the bed I arose with my head full of clatter ‘twas the sounds of the Christmas that was really the matter. Could someone please explain to me why like a bad lover, Christmas is coming too early? – Don’t Get Me Started!

Believe me when I say that I get it. More people are out of work than ever and retail sales are so anemic that most retailers look like Holocaust victims. I get that they think if they start people thinking about the holiday sooner that perhaps people will spend early and spend more but let’s face it, as the old song goes, “Nothing from nothing leaves nothing, you gotta have something…” And while I suspect that there will still be people lining up on the Friday after Thanksgiving to get the two big screen televisions that are going to go for $20 at stores that like to create that Black Friday fervor (even though they haven’t paid their cable bill or the electric bill so it’s really going to be as useful as a very expensive mirror once they get it home), I’ve still not gotten the image of last year’s Black Friday when people were trampled and/or killed over the supposed big bargains on this day.  I even like that the retailers think they’re being crafty this year. They’ve started to “leak” their after Thanksgiving sales circulars like something from a political scandal in the 70’s or a sex tape from an ex-beauty pageant contestant. Do they do this to stop the craziness on the Friday after Thanksgiving or to fuel it? You decide.

And although I find it annoying that the retail world has such desperation that I feel like a horse that can smell the fear of its untrained rider about to mount it, I don’t understand why we have to have the music this soon. Look, I made my living for years singing the Christmas music in many a show and I sang it in October when the show began but singing it for pay and having it wake you are two different things. I wish I could say that they’re playing this music earlier to get us all in that “good will toward men” spirit but let’s face it, the reason they’re playing it is because they’re trying like the retailers to try and make us forget what we can’t so we’ll spend money we don’t have. They hope it makes us forget that this year we all know someone out of work now, more food banks will be without food this year because there’s such an increased demand, many people will be hoping that they don’t get foreclosed on before they can get the tree up and celebrate with their family for the last time in a house the bank would rather let sit and go to ruin instead of working with the owners to stay in the home they’ve had for the last twenty years or months. No doubt about it, people and situations are tense but trying to force Christmas early just isn’t the answer people, it’s a diversion (that by the way, isn’t working) that feels like an inexperienced lover trying to screw you with a musical lubricant instead of the real thing. You basically have someone who has no idea what they’re doing humping you while you roll your eyes wishing you were with someone who knew what the hell they were doing. It’s not enjoyable it’s uncomfortable physically and mentally. Like a bad lover, Christmas is coming too early? – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • Jason R. Manning profile image

      Jason R. Manning 7 years ago from Sacramento, California

      Oh what a naughty euphemism, I like your title. Your poetic justice is completely bathed in truth. Until the sheeple of this planet change their habits, the retailers will not.

    • Itswritten profile image

      Itswritten 8 years ago from Detroit, Michigan

      Christmas Is Coming this year seemed to fly by fast.