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Mothers Day without a Mother for the 24th time.

Updated on May 13, 2012

Mom and Dad 1970


My mother celebrated her 68th Birthday on the 25th of April 1988. Easter was late that year, April 24th and the children and I ate at her house. She loved to cook and to celebrate holidays. She was a wonderful cook and the house smelled of the ham and all the fixings.

I was graduating from college the next month after waiting eleven years to complete my undergraduate degree. She got the graduation invitation that very same week. A promise to finish my degree had been fulfilled and she was coming to the graduation.

On April 30, 1988, I awakened and readied myself for my final exam in my last undergraduate class. My son was at his fathers home and my daughter, age 10, awaited her grampie to come pick her up to go stay with them until I was done.

I headed out to school, parked my car and went into the classroom. The professor handed out the exams and about 15 minutes into the exam, a message came in urgent from the main office. Please call your ex-husband. Since my son was asthmatic, I immediately thought something had happened to him. Instead, he informed me that my dad had called my daughter at my home and asked her to call him to get ahold of me and have me call the emergency room at a local hospital. Seems my mother was there and my father wanted to talk to me.

I called the emergency room and reached the ER nurse who got my dad on the phone. "She's gone Alice" was all I heard at the end of the line. My 68 year old mother died at the Doctors office of a myocardial infarction and although they rushed her to the ER, she had essentially died there before the Doctor was able to get to his office.

Recounting all of the things that happened that day is not the purpose of this short piece. What happened several weeks later was really the most amazing thing I wish to mention. At 33 years old, my mother died. Her own mother died when she was 5 years old, so I did have a lengthy time with her considering her own situation. But she had already purchased my Mother's Day card a few weeks prior and my dad handed me the card two weeks after her death, written in her handwriting. She told me she hoped I would have a "beautiful mothers day". It would be difficult without her.

You see, I am a mother too, but I think Mothers day is about my OWN mother, not me. I grieve each year that my mother cannot spend the day being loved, gifted, hugged and caressed. I miss her smile, her smell and the softness of her face. I miss her laugh, her wonderful meals, her stories, her kindness. She left too soon. I see people with their mothers and feel envious that they are still with them. I remember all the good times, but I also know she was never perfect, only as good as anyone can be without any kind of guidance, or training.

This is my 24th year without my Mother on Mothers Day. I am only 9 years away from having as many years without her as with her. Fathers Day is also bittersweet, as dad has been gone now for 20 years.

Cherish your parents like they will be gone tomorrow, as many of them will be. Take each day in time and love them, hold them, tell them you love them. Life offers us the moments, but we often are "too busy" or think we will have more time. We sometimes don't, and it is too late then to savor the time together we should have taken.

Love you mum. Know you are there always, just miss your hugs.


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    • Aley Martin profile imageAUTHOR

      Alice Lee Martin 

      6 years ago from Sumner, Washington,USA

      thank you so very much for all your comments. I have come to terms with my mothers passing for the most part, but it is at this time of year it that it creeps into my thoughts. My parents and I had a good relationship, no regrets, told them how much they were loved, showed it each day as well, so I have that to give me peace. I am sorry for your losses and the feelings of emptiness that come from them. I do know mother surrounds me and it gives me comfort, it has been such a long time though. Happy Mothers Day and thanks for taking the time to comment. It is much appreciated!

    • jeaniebartz profile image


      6 years ago from Nebraska

      Thank you for sharing this Hub! My mother died nearly four months ago and this is my first Mother's Day without her! I miss my Mom so much and sit here remembering last year..I had a brunch for her because we also had to fit the graduation of our Grandson into the day. I am very fortunate as I had my Mom for 62 years!

      I always planned the best Mother's Days for my Mom because I knew it could be our last! Like you, I didn't really think about myself being a mother too...just that I wanted my Mom to have the best day possible!

      This year my daughter called as she has done every year and asked what we were doing for Mother's Day and I told her I didn't know but would let her know later. It occurred to me that for the first time I'M THE MOM! I called my daughter back and told her it was her turn now to plan the Mother's Day events. What a strange yet wonderful thought!!


    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 

      6 years ago from New York

      What a sad recount of events. You don't feel it until the person, your mom, who gave you life...exits your life. Our prayers for your parents and hope you got a load from your shoulders by writing this piece.


    • ytsenoh profile image


      6 years ago from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri

      Thanks for this hub. I empathize with your wishes concerning your mum. I lost my Mom 11 years ago on May 10, the week of Mother's Day. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about my late parents. I, too, was in college. On a Sunday, I called my Mom and she wanted to know when my finals were over. I told her Wednesday. She died the next day. She waited, so it seems to me, until I was done studying. Always considerate she was. What's important, though, is that all of us who are mothers who have children can't keep our children from bringing us joy because we are their mothers and we are still here to let that joy bounce back to them. What makes me sad sometimes is that I don't ever want my children to feel for me what I felt for my Mom, when I am gone. I want them to laugh about the fun times we had together. I don't want them to be sad. Memories are such wonderful things. I think the best we can do is to take the influence our mothers gave us and pass that influence along so it keeps resounding like the perfect chime of bells. I send you an embrace for Mother's Day. Best regards.


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