My 18 Years

I held a cracker all by myself.

Everything is going in my mouth these days.

Adoption means a baby was made in a mommy’s heart, not her belly.

I got a new baby sister, she is cute but I don’t think anyone pays attention to me.

I am starting kindergarten in a few weeks, but I don’t want to leave mommy’s side.

I was hoping to get a bike for Christmas.

I didn’t get the bike, but I got a sister with a fractured leg instead.

I got sick on the first day of school with the really hard 3rd grade teacher.

I lost my first best friend, my own cousin, who thinks she’s better than me.

I see my sister on the field at recess and she comes to play with me.

I am done with elementary school, finally!

I am learning Italian in school but people are bullying me.

My best friends and I are doing the school play together, or we were until they left me.

No one came to my birthday party and those mean boys told me to go kill myself.

My mom found out I self harmed on my birthday party day.

I am in between hospitals and programs, in and out every few months.

I finished up my last hospitalization and got my permit, first job and first heartbreak.

I got my license. I got my first debit card and bank account. I have a good paying job. My senior year is almost over. I’m doing my last recreational dance recital and got high gold in my dance competition. I took my sister to the mall alone for the first time. I felt beautiful for the first time, realized I am worthy of life and smiled with all the meaning in the world.