Not My New Year Resolutions!
So this is it.
That time of the year when we all decide on how clever we are going to be. Get fit, go on a diet and so on. But what if we don't want to do anything? Stuff the turkey, stuff the holiday and yep stuff those New Year Resolutions!
So for all of you planning on being a much better person this year, well, good luck on that, I am going to chill out and..........
Not Really The Way To Do It.......
Not Go To The Gym...
Why? Because its a complete waste of time and money. Lets face it, we go out and buy an expensive tracksuit or shorts so that we can look 'good' in front of the other suckers.
We then turn up on time, puff our way through the induction to make sure you are not going to have a heart attack, fall over, pass out, bash your legs, knees, knuckles etc on the workout machines and then they let you loose.
So, first of all you head for the running machine. Yes, you do great on that! All of three minutes then you need to use your Asthma inhaler, or lets face it head out for a cigarette......
Then back to the track! Round and round we go, where we end up nobody knows.
Ah yes, then to the counter to pay the bill.
25 dollars for a session and three more free. You head home feeling great.
Well at least for five minutes.
After that you hit the bed and stay there eating cream cakes and chocolate and moaning at all the aches and pains.
Me on the other hand? Feet up, watching TV!
Yes! Now That's How You Do It.....So Easy On The Legs!
Not go on a diet....
I mean what's the point?
For starters you have already put on 10 pounds after stuffing yourself with Christmas Turkey, pud and chocolates. Do you really think a non meat, non veg, vegan, egg free diet is going to work?
You have never ever in your whole life been skinny! Do you honestly think that now you are older its going to fall off you and you will end up looking like those tiny models that strut about the stage showing off their legs while flashing new clothes?
Don't make me laugh.
All you will end up doing is heading for the fridge at 3 am trying to convince yourself that actually the Chocolate German Gateau at 3,000 calories a slice will not stick to your hips just because, well, you know, sleeping burns calories? Really?
I am gonna chew my way through half a cow on New Years day. Eat a ton of spuds and laugh myself silly as I drink a bottle of Baileys! Ooh yum!
Well There Is That.......
Who Clanged The Car....?
Be Extra Nice To People.....?
Because, well why?
My New Year Resolution is to be nice to people? Since when? And more to the point will they be nice to you? Of course not.
Try going into that shop just as they are closing and see how nice they are. Oh and when you clang their car, do they smile?
Well do they?
No, not on your life. In fact while running down the road with a great big burly man chasing you, and you are puffing away like an old steam train you can bet your bottom dollar that no, he is definitely not smiling.........
Wasn't my fault honest. I mean, he shouldn't have pulled out near my drive. Wasn't me.....um.
Well at least you could combine the car thing with exercise........!
Be careful, smile politely but sod em if they can't be bothered to smile back.
Not Save Any Money....
What's the point? You all know the saying, 'Let's save for a rainy day.'
Okay, lets look at this correctly. You go to work, put a bit aside and....
Along comes your phone Bill, electricity goes up, your son/daughter 'needs a loan of over 500 dollars' Because they 'Desperately need a new.....insert whatever.
And where does that leave you? Broke as usual.
Bang goes the holiday, new car, clothes, jewelry and so on.
So sod that.
Earn it, spend it is my new motto for the New Year. And then laugh when someone says, 'Please can I borrow.....?' And you can shout NO! Can't sorry, broke......Heehee!
Me? I am going to get paid and then hit the clothes shops, jewelry...need a new hair cut....oh, and books, lots of books.....maybe a DVD...
Maybe a day trip somewhere....for me......and only me.....Ha.!
So, In A Nutshell......
I am going to slob out, eat loads of calorific food, growl at everybody and splash my money out on me!
I hope you all have a very....
Happy New Year!
© 2018 Nell Rose