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NYE Resolutions Are Lame

Updated on January 4, 2017

My New Year's Resolutions are better than yours...

Let's be honest, NYE resolutions are rarely achieved and are usually a pain in the ass to try and keep up. So, after many failed attempts at dieting, saving, and organizing... I've decided to say screw it and pick some that might actually be cool to do and easy to accomplish. So here they go:


1. Sleep More


Sleep, oh beautiful sweet sleep. I haven't really seen your ass in 4 years, since I decided it'd be a bright idea to get knocked up- oh and then do it again... But now that my girl is off the boob and sleeping through the night (Hallelujah!), I figure it is time to reintroduce ourselves. I'm gonna take naps- real ones, like hour long ones, not those bullshit 20 minute ones that make you hate life when you wake up. I'm lucky enough to have kids that nap, but I always felt the need to do shit (laundry, dishes, etc...) while they were. Not anymore. I'm tired and I'm ready to nap. I'm also making it a point to be in bed by 9:30 and try to be asleep by 10. So I'll be putting my lil' monsters down by 7:30- too early some say... Screw it- I need sleep!

Speaking of screwing it....


2. Have more Sex


Get Ready for TMI... My husband is great, really he is... annoying, messy, and sometimes frustrating as hell but great and sex with him is fan-f-ing-tastic! But sadly, in the past year it got farther and fewer between, something that we could definitely feel and see reflecting in our patience level, overall attitude and marriage. No Bueno. So we sat down and chatted and have decided that we will lay down more often. The goal is 3 times a week no matter what. Well here we are at day 5 of the New Year and YES! We've met our quota! I'm happier, he is happier and it has only been a week. Bring on the bump & grind!

Last one...


3. Drink more... WINE!

Bet you thought I was gonna say water huh? Nope. I have always enjoyed my alcoholic beverages, mostly beer though and sadly it has enjoyed making me a few too many pounds overweight. My man doesn't mind but I sure do. For years I avoided wine, not really sure why but I did... Well, man was I missing out! I just realized that it is delicious! Specifically red wine and it makes me feel great! Like sexy, happy and well horny... good thing because see #2. I'm gonna drink so much more wine now and its going to be awesome. I even signed up for one of those wine websites that helps you pair wines with shit you eat... Man I'm fancy.


So in short... I'm actually excited for my New Years resolutions this year. Trust me, give yourself a break and do something that makes you happy. I'll catch you later though... I have to drink a glass of wine, screw my man, and take a nap... Jealous huh?


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