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New Year's Resolutions with a Twist

Updated on December 28, 2015
Sunshine625 profile image

Linda (Kaywood) Bilyeu is a published author; books are available on Amazon. She writes from the heart, there is no other way.

Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!

Ring in the New Year...

Out with the old, in with the new. Another New Year is upon us. It's time to reminisce about the previous year and look forward to another New Year. It's time to make a New Year's Resolution. Uh oh. Not that again.

We could select from the usual choices:

  • Good health
  • Good wealth
  • To find a mate
  • To lose some weight
  • Find a new friend
  • Start a new trend
  • Write a book
  • Become a better cook
  • To get a new job that you enjoy
  • To stop smoking or drinking, "oh boy!"

Blah, blah, blah. The list continues. How many of you actually commit to your New Year resolution? Hardly anyone sticks to it. We might try, OK, many of you do try. We get gym memberships and that lasts a couple of weeks, until you realize sweating isn't your style.

We buy patches and/or nicotine gum to quit smoking. We vow to be a better person.

Last year my New Year's Resolution wasn't successful. I decided to start drinking. Yes, I was prepared to numb my sense of being and become a drunk. My resolution lasted 3 hours. On the morning of New Year's Day I realized it just wasn't worth it. I truly felt like crap! My resolution failed within hours of the New Year!

This year I decided to add a twist. I'm going to pick a resolution that's a bit off the wall. I intend to succeed. I'm not sure what my resolution is yet, but I'm going to share my ideas with you.

Who knows maybe you will finally have a successful New Year's Resolution!

New Year Resolution ideas...

  • Be a grouch. They say nice guys always finish last, so why be nice? Be mean. See how far that gets you. When someone asks, "How you doin'?" say to them "Do you really care how I'm doing?" I bet they don't ask you the same question twice.
  • Be a pessimist. Where has being optimistic got you? Is your life better due to having a positive nature? Probably not. Go ahead, be your negative self. Chances are by the end of the year there won't be anyone left in your life to tell you how miserable you made them.
  • Start smoking. Yes, the Surgeon General states that smoking is hazardous to your health, but how much of this data is actually factual. Granted thousands of people a year are diagnosed with lung cancer and that could put a cramp in your style. Yet, the choice is yours.
  • Start drinking. Your liver might not appreciate it, but you might view live in a different perspective and decide hitting the booze is just what you needed. I heard over time you begin to create your own remedies for hangovers.
  • Make the choice to be the boss. Tell your boss that you are tired of his "rules and regulations" and you are ready to take the reins back. Be prepared to live off of unemployment for a wee bit.
  • Gain weight. Heart disease and diabetes might be in your near future, but wouldn't it be worth it to eat whatever you want and never have to exercise again. Just forget about that gym membership you won't be using again this year either.
  • Vow to become the neighborhood Peeping Tom. Treat yourself to a telescope and peep at your neighbors on a daily basis. Make sure you have a back-up plan for a new residence once you are caught.
  • Become one with Road Rage. Flip the bird, honk your horn, tailgate all fellow drivers on the road. Think of the excitement and the adrenaline rush you will have. Word of caution: Be sure your vehicle is bullet-proof and constructed from titanium.
  • Promise yourself to go into debt this year. Spend beyond your means. Purchase frivilious materialistic items that you could do without, but buy them because your friends or neighbors have them. Go so far into debt that you won't be able to climb out, but consider all those new toys you have to play with. You might want to consider disconnecting your phone before the debt collectors begin to call.
  • Be more assertive. The next time your wife makes a demand or request. "Just say no." Tell her you've had enough of her honey-do lists and you want more time to watch sports on the tube, go fishing or just scratch yourself. No more words are needed. I wish you good luck.
  • Be self-centered. Yes, the world could revolve around you! Yes, it could be all about you. Why think of others? Do they go out of their way for you? Probably not. Wear your new badge proudly, "It's All About Me." Prepare to live a lonely existence since self-centered people aren't well liked.
  • Start gambling. If you've already started, don't stop! You never know when you will strike it rich. If you really think about it does your kid really need those new shoes? No, duct tape works wonders on holding shoes together. Do you really need to save for a rainy day? Not if you live in the desert. How often does it rain there? So go ahead and buy that extra lottery ticket or roll those dice. Chances are you will get lucky one day. Or eventually your luck will just run out.
  • Be tardy. What's so important about being on time. For instance, doctors are always late and they are doing well for themselves. So forget about setting alarms, keep others waiting, you are in charge of pissing people off now.
  • Find a mate. Register with an online dating service. Use a fake photo. Present yourself as a god or goddess. When reality hits, consider being your true self. One should never have to look for a mate. It'll happen when you least expect it.
  • Commit to going to church each Sunday. Dress in your finest clothes and worship along with the congregation. Be cordial, mingle and leave a donation to show your appreciation for the service. Try your best not to gossip about fellow worshippers. Try your best not to judge others. Most of all try your best to practice what is preached.
  • How about a year of being lazy? Yes, you could resolute to being lazy, if you aren't already. You work your tail off each year and have nothing to show for it. You don't feel appreciated and you want to be a bit of a slacker. By all means, go right ahead. Be careful of all those doors, you never know where they might hit you.

I hope my ideas helped you select, or not select a New Year's Resolution. We all have choices to make in our lives. Some of us make the right choice, some of us don't. We live and learn.

Happy New Year - Fireworks
Happy New Year - Fireworks

Disclaimer...

These resolutions don't apply to everyone. Some might be a bit far fetched and out of your league. Then again you might be ready for a change.

Keep in mind that change is good for you at times. You might be a bit surprised at how well you adapt to a new way of thinking or lifestyle change.

You might decide to go the traditional route and that's just fine. Go ahead and lose weight, stop smoking and drinking...see where that gets you.

Be sure and keep us posted on your progress no matter which resolution you might select.

Best wishes for you a Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true.

Auld Lang Syne - It's A Wonderful Life

Have you ever stuck with a New Year Resolution?

See results

Fireworks Celebration

© 2012 Linda Bilyeu

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    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 19 months ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy 2016 shanmarie!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 19 months ago from Orlando, FL

      Much appreciated, Nellie! :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 19 months ago from Orlando, FL

      Thank you, SAA! Happy 2016!

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 19 months ago from TEXAS

      So amusing, Linda! Thank you, Martie, for pointing me in this direction. I may work on the being lazy one! ;) Or not. . . You are such a good writer~ !

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 19 months ago from South Africa

      This is so-so funny. I had to share it (again)!

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 19 months ago from Texas

      Thanks to Martie for sharing this one on FB and thanks to you for writing it. Exactly what I needed this morning!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 20 months ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy New Year 2016

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 2 years ago from Dubai

      Enjoyed reading and love your sense of humor. I have decided not to make any resolutions!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 2 years ago from Florida

      Since I have the distinction of being a Senior Citizen, I can do a lot of this stuff and get away with it, cause people feel sorry for me. They just blame the way I act on my age, and chalk it up to senility!

      I have not made any resolutions, and I don't intend to, either!

      Linda, I hope you have a wonderful 2015. Stay the way you are, girl!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Way to go, Love Doc! Not many people carry through with their resolutions, so bravo to you! I didn't make any resolutions so I'm ahead of 2014. I'm considering making one for 2015. A year of "Out with the old and in with the new" around my home...I haven't changed anything in quite a while and it's time.

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

      That would be a NO, Effer. Let's shoot for something that doesn't require bail money. :)

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 2 years ago

      I followed through with my New Years resolution last year of not drinking regular coke anymore. I do drink Coke Zero every so often but nothing compared to a regular coca-cola. Great hub! voted up funny!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      That's a scary enough thought! It's liable to be anything, GF. Do you have bail money saved?

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hi Effer! Another New Year will soon be upon us...I wonder what trouble we will get into for 2015? ;)

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Well GF...I commented on this CRAZY hub 2 yrs ago...but where was I last year? Hmmmmm very strange. You make me laugh, which of course is part of your job description as my SFAM!...LOLLOLOLL

      I'll be talking to you several times, I'm sure before the New Year's Eve.....so I can tell you what resolutions I won't be making this year!

      Hugs........The Effer

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 2 years ago from Orlando, FL

      It's almost time to welcome in the New Year of 2015!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy New Year 2014 - Chitrangada!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hey Martie, We'll just let them figure that out for themselves! :)

      Happy New Year SAA!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 3 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Very interesting hub with lot of humour! An enjoyable read indeed!

      New year resolutions are made to be broken. Even I do make resolutions but hardly keep them for a week.

      Happy New Year 2014!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 3 years ago from South Africa

      Hahaha....

      Well, I actually tried some of your suggestions, and believe it or not, with great success.

      But I think you have to emphasize that they could only be successful after your 50th birthday.... Now this will make the young look forward to their autumn and winter years, when all pretentiousness just fall to the ground....

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hi Nell, I did enjoy adding the "twist!" :)

      Happy New Year to you!!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 3 years ago from England

      LOL! now these are great Linda! Yep to the alcohol, and maybe most of the others too! its funny how the bad things for you are so much easier to do than the good! lol! Have a wonderful New Year!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy New Year 2014!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy New Year TT. Wishing you luck with your 2013 Mission :)

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      My New Years resolution was to be a b*tch. For the sole reason that being nice has gotten me...exactly nowhere. So, this is the Year of the B*tch. :) Loved your ideas, Sunshine!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy New Year Saloca and Healthylife! Wishing you an awesome 2013.

    • healthylife2 profile image

      Healthy Life 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Most of those resolutions on that list I made the minute I finished chemo except the smoking one and the new mate because one was enough. Thanks for the entertainment!

    • Saloca profile image

      Saloca 4 years ago from Liverpool, UK

      Great suggestions, they'd certainly make for an interesting year ahead!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy New Year!!!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      CrisSp ~ Victoria ~ Michelle ~ Stephanie ~ Bill ... Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy 2013.

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA

      These are all so good I hardly know where to start...hmmm...maybe with the drinking since it's New Year's Eve tomorrow! But then I did have a little road rage yesterday when someone nearly sideswiped us on I-95. I think he read my lips when I said some bad words... :)

      Thanks for sharing your wonderful sense of humor with us! Happy New Year!

    • bdegiulio profile image

      Bill De Giulio 4 years ago from Massachusetts

      I'm sitting here trying to figure out what my resolution for the new year should be and now I have plenty of options. This should keep me laughing right up until the ball drops. Have a happy and healthy New year :)

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Linda, coming in for a taste of the twist and to share again! Happy New Year to you and the family!

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      So funny! I think I could actually keep several of these. I'll pick a few! Thanks for the list! :-) Many votes!

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      This is phenomenal! I snort while reading, Lol! I don't do any resolutions, I find solutions instead!

      This is indeed, a happy read. Thank you my sunshine.

      Voting up, funny and absolutely sharing the twist! Happy New Year!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      dghbrh, Thank you for stopping by and for your kind wishes. I wish the best for you also :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Ish, Thank you for sharing! I appreciate it. Wishing you the best, always!!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      nenfea, by all means think about yourself as often as you want. It seems to work for some people. For awhile at least. Happy New Year!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy New Year Dancilla!

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      Wow LOL.......what a easy way to start the year laughing out and rolling on floor literally dear sunshine.................many thanks for sharing this one. happy new year to you dear.....all votes up and sharing.

    • ishwaryaa22 profile image

      Ishwaryaa Dhandapani 4 years ago from Chennai, India

      A hilarious hub! I enjoyed reading your humorous list of resolutions! Way to go!

      Happy New Year to you & your family!

      Thanks for SHARING. Funny & Awesome. Voted up & shared on Facebook

    • nenfea profile image

      Olivia 4 years ago

      Haha, I really enjoyed this post. I think the idea of resolving to take more time to think about ME is a good idea.

    • Dancilla profile image

      Priscilla 4 years ago from El Paso

      These really made me laugh. Great hub!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hi HWM, I couldn't agree more. Laugh until it hurts and then laugh some more! :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hi LaLiz! I'm also so ready for that ball to fall. Bring on 2013. Woohoo! Happy New Year to YOU!

    • healthwealthmusic profile image

      Ruth R. Martin 4 years ago from Everywhere Online ~ Fingerlakes ~ Upstate New York

      They say laughing is good for your health - thanks for being such a great dose of health to me! Keep it up - we all need to losen up and have a moment of nothing but pure fun every now and then. But I'd rather have it now, not then!

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      Hellloooo, sweet Sunshine!! Love your ideas.... Road Rage, I am in! Being lazy for the whole year, count me in!! Woohoo.... I am all set for the new year! LET THE BALL FALL ......

      Thoroughly enjoyed it! You are one hilarious List Lady :)

      Voting up and everything!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      SAA, You have earned a well-deserved applause indeed!!! Wishing you a Mr. B a wonderful 2013. You go girl :))

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 years ago from South Africa

      Oh my, Linda, you've got me ROFLMAO! As usual!

      Now seeing that you can't stick to your New Years resolutions, the chances are 99,9% that you'll stay the lovely Sunshine you are.

      BTW, I am near perfect. I do stick to my resolutions. But just because they are achievable. Beginning 2012 one of them was indeed to find a suitable partner - after all, it was a leap year. And where else as on a dating site would I find one? Come on, we are living in the 21st century. I refused online chatting, demanded immediate eye-to-eye interaction. (You see, I've learned all lessons there are to learn in CyberSpace.) Had seven 'interviews' with punks, and, of course, in a restaurant, keeping my address a secret. Then came Number Eight - whalla, my perfect match.

      My resolution for 2013 is to be happier as ever before and to allow nobody to steal my peace and joy. And that's that.

      So you see, Sunshine, I am one of the 23% who is near perfect.

      Do I hear a well-deserved applause?

      Lol!

      (Voted up, funny, fantastic and fabulous :) (((xxxx)))

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Mary ~ Jen ~ Expert ... Your comments are appreciated! Wishing you the best on 2013.

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Maria, Leisure wear and laced lemonade! When do we start? I'm all for it!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Vinaya ~ LoveDoc ... Thank you for your wishes and Happy New Year to you also!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Snurre, I'm glad being self-centered worked out well for you. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do for yourself. Wishing you the best for the new year. Thank you for sharing!

    • expertscolumn profile image

      Stanley Soman 4 years ago from New York

      Florida is treating you too nice, that explains this

    • jenbeach21 profile image

      jenbeach21 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Too funny! I already have the road rage resolution down:)

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      I think I know the gal who had these resolutions last year ;) Great job Linda....maybe it'll boost us into the good stuff.

      Voted up, useful, and funny.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Well, I resolve to ... oh, not a dang thing.

      Linda, let's lounge around in leisure wear with laced lemonade?! You are my kinda lady pal!

      I needed to break up some of my reading with some light-hearted laughs. In response to Honey BB's challenge today, this is the 21st of 26 hubs I intend to read.

      This one is dedicated to Avielle Richman (10-17-06) and may her sweet soul rest in peace.

      Love, MM

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      You're so funny! It's too early to wish you a Happy New Year.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

      Sunshine,

      Thanks for always sowing positive vibes in me.

      Merry Christmas and a very Happy New year.

    • Snurre profile image

      Snurre 4 years ago

      Hee hee hee! At the turn of 2011 into 2012 I had one one New Year resolution - to stop being nice to everyone and start being nice to myself instead. And to do what I want. On the large scale, I managed to make this work. As a result I got out of a failed marriage, advanced in my career and travelled to a lot of nice places. Also joined a band where I enjoy playing lots of positive Scottish music. So your resolution to be self-centered is definitely a worthwhile thing.

      Voted and shared :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hi b. I agree! Eat, drink and be merry! Happy 2013 to us!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Haha Jools! You are so funny! Keep us posted on your progress in 2013.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 4 years ago

      Hi Sunshine,

      This was such a Fun Read. A real Belly Laugh...Speaking of Bellies...Who cares... Lets just Eat like little Piggies and NOT worry how we look, bathe, or Smell. What a Hoot! It will really be a "HAPPY NEW YEAR"!

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

      After reading this, I feel like I am too dull! I am going to be mean on 1st January and have already entered up my 'resolution mood' for the next 364 days after that - mean, smokin', plastered, angry, flatulent (in public), dirty, antsy, sweary, inappropriately dressed, loud, flatulent (again, why am I 'repeating' myself so much?), wild, bored with people, plastered.....great hub hun! :o)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hi Alocsin and Nell, I did mention these resolutions came with a twist, didn't I? They are effortless ideas! :)

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Oh my goodness, Haha! brilliant! I am going to be lazy, drink get completely into debt, um what else? great ideas linda, and so easy to do!

    • alocsin profile image

      alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

      The funny thing about your list is that no effort is required to make or maintain these resolutions. They all seem to happen every year, no matter what. Voting this Up and Funny.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Thanks sunshine:)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Shauna! No showers, too funny! I'm thinking many people do that already without it being a resolution! Haha!

      Hi Diana! Go Google! :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I agree Glimmer. Why take another chance? Happy New Year!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I wish you good luck with your 2013 goals LoveDoc! :)

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Funny! I am not going to make any resolutions this year - wait, is that one already? This one should hit the top list on google!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Linda, Linda, Linda! I think this year I'll save on soap and water. Just think, no shower, no clean clothes. I'll just lie around and stink up the place!

      Seriously, this was funny. Thanx for the laugh? BTW, I never make New Year's Resolutions. If I haven't resolved throughout the year, what makes me think I'll change my mind in a day?

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      This was great fun! I gave up resolutions long ago when the disappointment of not meeting them got me down. Thanks for making me smile!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      "Vow to become the neighborhood Peeping Tom. Treat yourself to a telescope and peep at your neighbors on a daily basis. Make sure you have a back-up plan for a new residence once you are caught."

      You're so funny! Actually, I'm thinking of starting my own business this upcoming year and also writing my first book. Good health and wealth definitely.

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Mary615, I look forward to hear about the success of your resolutions during 2013. U go girl.

      Epus, Good luck with the drinking. Your liver would appreciate it. We all have our vices. Don't sweat it.

      tlpoague, Very funny! Sounds like something I would do to my family, but I wouldn't be joking! Haha!

      Happy New Year to Y'all.

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      travmaj, Wishing you an adventure filled 2013 :)

      molometer, be sure and keep us posted on your resolutions!

      Sunnie, Feel free to enjoy a lazy 2013. You have deserved it! ;)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Mhatter99, Wishing you a limerick filled 2013.

      FullofLoveSites, Very true a pessimist is never disappointed. Haha!

      accordingtomomma, You go girl. Wishing you much success :)

      drbj, I'm pleased yet not surprised that you have got the point of these New Year's Resolutions :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Rajan Jolly, Thank you for adding to the fun!

      ARUN KANTI, Your thoughts are appreciated. Thank you for posting.

      Jeannieinabottle, I'm glad you like these New Years Resolutions! Enjoy 2013!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Malkie Wersba, I hope your idea comes true! Very good!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Michelle, By all means you deserve a lazy year. I hope you enjoy it! :)

    • tlpoague profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from USA

      I have always been one of those people that never found the knack for smoking or drinking. (I use to claim it was because I didn't see the fun in it.) Once I hit my late 30's, I decided to surprise my hubby one day by walking out to the garage with a cancer stick in one hand and a glass of bubbly in the other. My hubby asked what I was doing. I told him that if you can't beat them, join them. I figured I was old enough to chose what I wanted to do and was tired of certain people telling me I couldn't do something. (I never did take up either habit, but enjoyed the surprised look on his face.) I am not sure who had the bigger stroke of me being so out of character, my kids or the hubby.

      Loved your resolutions! I may have to try on a few others this year.

      P.S. Thanks for the laugh!

    • epus profile image

      Epus Gren 4 years ago from Philippines

      I am taking your prosposals too:

      Good health

      Good wealth

      To lose some weight

      To get a new job that you enjoy

      To stop drinking (my struggle) GRRR!!!

      :) Pray with guys that I may fulfill these things next year.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      I would have a better chance of keeping my resolutions if I followed your list. I never keep mine....I expect too much of me, and I'm never going to be perfect anyway!

      I love your resolutions!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 4 years ago

      Oh Sunshine this was so funny! Resolutions in reverse...Brilliant! I may just start early so I can have a running start...oh wait I am to be lazy...so I will just take my time...

      Thanks for the smiles

      Sunnie

    • molometer profile image

      molometer 4 years ago

      I love this, it had me in stitches.

      Good health

      Good wealth

      To find a mate

      To lose some weight

      To get a new job that you enjoy

      To stop smoking or drinking, "oh boy!"

      Think I'll have 'all of the above' :)

      Michael

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 4 years ago from australia

      count me in! Such a change from the goody stuff we usually choose and forget by Jan 2nd. This doesn't look too difficult at all. Such fun - thanks for this - really made me laugh.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 4 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, Linda, for compiling this great list of innovative and compelling resolutions,

      Whenever I decide to live all by myself without family or friends, these will be my solutions.

    • accordingtomomma profile image

      Jen Eggleston 4 years ago from Wisconsin

      lmao awesome - I think I might resolve to some of these just in the hope that they won't come true since resolutions so rarely DO come true. I resolve to gain weight, spend more money, be truly lazy and accomplish nothing.

    • FullOfLoveSites profile image

      FullOfLoveSites 4 years ago from United States

      It's actually nice to be a pessimist. That way you won't be disappointed! Hehehe. :)

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for these "great" resolutions. Good luck to us all.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Finally! Some New Year's resolutions I actually want to do! Sure, I might not make it to 2014 in good condition, but who cares? These are great. :-)

    • ARUN KANTI profile image

      ARUN KANTI CHATTERJEE 4 years ago from KOLKATA

      I am tempted to quote a small child’s resolution in his own way:

      Come new year

      I shall further be senior

      I shall obey my parents

      Who are my best friends

      I shall play cricket

      With deuce ball, bat and wicket

      I shall do my own jobs

      Without help from others

      I shall wake up early

      To start the day fairly

      I shall write rhymes and

      Draw beautiful pictures

      For your happiness and cheers

      Thanks for the funny hub.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Very Linda like! Love these twisty ones. It would be fun to incorporate just one of these into this year's resolutions and watch!

      Voted up and funny.

    • Malkie Wersba profile image

      17 & Due on Shavuot 4 years ago from Modesto, CA

      Hilarious!!! I like taking money from charities (hopefully that means that we'll all give a little more ;)

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      I'd like to have a year of being lazy!! Well done, Linda!

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hi Vinaya, 9 New Years in one year! Wow! That's a lot of resolutions! :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Hey Lisa! I'll take $20 on 25 black! Also always bet against the dealer. Have fun at the casino! :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Thank you Bill, Daisy, Janine and Audra for your comments! :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image
      Author

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Way to go Stoker with your 5K. I remember cheering you on from my mind, it must have worked! :)