New Year's Resolutions with a Twist
Ring in the New Year...
Out with the old, in with the new. Another New Year is upon us. It's time to reminisce about the previous year and look forward to another New Year. It's time to make a New Year's Resolution. Uh oh. Not that again.
We could select from the usual choices:
- Good health
- Good wealth
- To find a mate
- To lose some weight
- Find a new friend
- Start a new trend
- Write a book
- Become a better cook
- To get a new job that you enjoy
- To stop smoking or drinking, "oh boy!"
Blah, blah, blah. The list continues. How many of you actually commit to your New Year resolution? Hardly anyone sticks to it. We might try, OK, many of you do try. We get gym memberships and that lasts a couple of weeks, until you realize sweating isn't your style.
We buy patches and/or nicotine gum to quit smoking. We vow to be a better person.
Last year my New Year's Resolution wasn't successful. I decided to start drinking. Yes, I was prepared to numb my sense of being and become a drunk. My resolution lasted 3 hours. On the morning of New Year's Day I realized it just wasn't worth it. I truly felt like crap! My resolution failed within hours of the New Year!
This year I decided to add a twist. I'm going to pick a resolution that's a bit off the wall. I intend to succeed. I'm not sure what my resolution is yet, but I'm going to share my ideas with you.
Who knows maybe you will finally have a successful New Year's Resolution!
New Year Resolution ideas...
- Be a grouch. They say nice guys always finish last, so why be nice? Be mean. See how far that gets you. When someone asks, "How you doin'?" say to them "Do you really care how I'm doing?" I bet they don't ask you the same question twice.
- Be a pessimist. Where has being optimistic got you? Is your life better due to having a positive nature? Probably not. Go ahead, be your negative self. Chances are by the end of the year there won't be anyone left in your life to tell you how miserable you made them.
- Start smoking. Yes, the Surgeon General states that smoking is hazardous to your health, but how much of this data is actually factual. Granted thousands of people a year are diagnosed with lung cancer and that could put a cramp in your style. Yet, the choice is yours.
- Start drinking. Your liver might not appreciate it, but you might view live in a different perspective and decide hitting the booze is just what you needed. I heard over time you begin to create your own remedies for hangovers.
- Make the choice to be the boss. Tell your boss that you are tired of his "rules and regulations" and you are ready to take the reins back. Be prepared to live off of unemployment for a wee bit.
- Gain weight. Heart disease and diabetes might be in your near future, but wouldn't it be worth it to eat whatever you want and never have to exercise again. Just forget about that gym membership you won't be using again this year either.
- Vow to become the neighborhood Peeping Tom. Treat yourself to a telescope and peep at your neighbors on a daily basis. Make sure you have a back-up plan for a new residence once you are caught.
- Become one with Road Rage. Flip the bird, honk your horn, tailgate all fellow drivers on the road. Think of the excitement and the adrenaline rush you will have. Word of caution: Be sure your vehicle is bullet-proof and constructed from titanium.
- Promise yourself to go into debt this year. Spend beyond your means. Purchase frivilious materialistic items that you could do without, but buy them because your friends or neighbors have them. Go so far into debt that you won't be able to climb out, but consider all those new toys you have to play with. You might want to consider disconnecting your phone before the debt collectors begin to call.
- Be more assertive. The next time your wife makes a demand or request. "Just say no." Tell her you've had enough of her honey-do lists and you want more time to watch sports on the tube, go fishing or just scratch yourself. No more words are needed. I wish you good luck.
- Be self-centered. Yes, the world could revolve around you! Yes, it could be all about you. Why think of others? Do they go out of their way for you? Probably not. Wear your new badge proudly, "It's All About Me." Prepare to live a lonely existence since self-centered people aren't well liked.
- Start gambling. If you've already started, don't stop! You never know when you will strike it rich. If you really think about it does your kid really need those new shoes? No, duct tape works wonders on holding shoes together. Do you really need to save for a rainy day? Not if you live in the desert. How often does it rain there? So go ahead and buy that extra lottery ticket or roll those dice. Chances are you will get lucky one day. Or eventually your luck will just run out.
- Be tardy. What's so important about being on time. For instance, doctors are always late and they are doing well for themselves. So forget about setting alarms, keep others waiting, you are in charge of pissing people off now.
- Find a mate. Register with an online dating service. Use a fake photo. Present yourself as a god or goddess. When reality hits, consider being your true self. One should never have to look for a mate. It'll happen when you least expect it.
- Commit to going to church each Sunday. Dress in your finest clothes and worship along with the congregation. Be cordial, mingle and leave a donation to show your appreciation for the service. Try your best not to gossip about fellow worshippers. Try your best not to judge others. Most of all try your best to practice what is preached.
- How about a year of being lazy? Yes, you could resolute to being lazy, if you aren't already. You work your tail off each year and have nothing to show for it. You don't feel appreciated and you want to be a bit of a slacker. By all means, go right ahead. Be careful of all those doors, you never know where they might hit you.
I hope my ideas helped you select, or not select a New Year's Resolution. We all have choices to make in our lives. Some of us make the right choice, some of us don't. We live and learn.
These resolutions don't apply to everyone. Some might be a bit far fetched and out of your league. Then again you might be ready for a change.
Keep in mind that change is good for you at times. You might be a bit surprised at how well you adapt to a new way of thinking or lifestyle change.
You might decide to go the traditional route and that's just fine. Go ahead and lose weight, stop smoking and drinking...see where that gets you.
Be sure and keep us posted on your progress no matter which resolution you might select.
Best wishes for you a Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true.
Auld Lang Syne - It's A Wonderful Life
Have you ever stuck with a New Year Resolution?
© 2012 Linda Bilyeu