ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Gifts For Father's Day

Updated on May 22, 2010
Don't be a dissapointment
Don't be a dissapointment
Remind Dad of his great moves
Remind Dad of his great moves
Show pops mad love with a secret hand shake
Show pops mad love with a secret hand shake
The Live Anthology (4 CD)
The Live Anthology (4 CD)

Tom Petty's most rockin' performances with extended jamming.


Papa Needs a Brand New Bag

With plenty of time left before the third Sunday in June, a Father's Day gift may not be looming on your radar quite yet. Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to party with your friends and shirk your responsibilities. Get your priorities straight, child.

You're grounded.

No, I don't wanna hear any belly-achin', pouting or whining. No ifs, ands or buts either. Go to your room and think of a suitable gift. As you scramble around trying to honor your father, who works his butt off to provide bread for this family, you may be asking yourself "What is the best thing to get dad? Ties? Gardening tools? A GPS? Expensive cigars?"


It's that reassuring gesture that he's still got it, that he can and still does throw down with the best of 'em, that he knows good taste way before it smacks him in the mouth, that he's been there, done that and could probably still beat you in Horse, Risk and Quarters. Here's a few ego-stroking euphemisms that won't cost you anything, except maybe your integrity.

Your gift could be reminding him of that uber-funky photo from high school where he's sporting a sick-nasty afro and some phat bell bottoms. Or maybe you guys could talk about the time his superfly disco dance moves stole the show at your cousin's wedding. Perhaps you may introduce to him some sort of complex hand shake, or there's always the classic chest bump (for sons only). Maybe you and Dad could have a heart to heart about how fresh he keeps it, despite his best efforts at not changing. Better still, there's always room to confirm his knowledge droppin' skills with a solid, "That's what's up, Padre", when he extolls the virtues of proper table manners. And when he makes one of his patented Dad Jokes like "What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?", don't roll your eyes! And be sure to laugh when he says "Dam"!

Shower him with love by reminding him that his clothes are still the "Bees Knees", and his swagger hasn't lost a bit of crunkness over the years. Don't forget to give him props on his trumped tight game, whilst whispering to him that you know he'll always be a playa, deep inside. While you're at it let him know how baller he's got the front yard lookin', compliment him on his new, hella-dope, prescription sunglasses, and let him know that he's ya boi and you've got his back no matter what! You and Pops might even wanna catch wreck by enjoying a nice dinner you've prepared him over a glass of his favorite red. Be creative! Dad didn't put his dreams on hold for you so you could awkwardly present him with gifts that don't mean a damn thing and sure as hell don't build any character! C'mon, give him the gift of good conversation and quality time!

Dad may give you some line about how he just wants "peace and quiet" for Father's Day. Yeah, yeah... you know he's a rager through and through, but you have to let him re-discover it for himself. So don't bring up the time you almost caught him smoking a doob with his buddies when Mom was out of town. He'll just grin and say "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Try not to focus on that time he stuck a knife into your door with your sophomore year report card through it. No need to remind him that Ds aren't the end of the world, again. It would also be best if you didn't mention his almost creepy addiction to Facebook, or that time you got caught stealing at Meijer's and he had to come pick you up. He'll only make that sour dad face and tell you that you were lucky you were 17 at the time. In fact, it's better to stay away from any topic relating to your wild years of late high school and early college. Instead, focus on Dad's "glory days". Maybe even throw on some Bruce Springsteen, Led Zeppelin, Tom Petty, or David Bowie and let Pops "ramble on" about the "ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaangeees" he's experienced throughout his magnificent career as a human being. Let Papa regale you with out-dated quips from tales of a different era. An era when it was still okay for 18 years olds to drink and the disco clubs were lax about IDing kids in nearby West Virginia. An era when getting around usually entailed walking up a hill to and from your destination. An era when they knew the difference between right and wrong. Yes, an era when a college degree actually meant something and gas was only 75 cents a gallon. You'll probably learn something, unless you were deliberately not paying attention and day dreaming again!

Let's face facts. Dad is a special guy. You don't want to belittle his coolness with goofy ties, silly Hallmark cards, or a freakin' lawnmower. Those gifts don't let him know anything except that he's got more work to do later this week, or that your too lazy to think of your own words to express how you feel. Don't cheapen his abundant awesomeness and uncanny sense of direction with a GPS, either. Coloring your own card for him, a-la 2nd grade would be more appropriate. Or how about not safe for work picture messages over the ol' iPhone with the line: "Thanks for free texting!" Surprise him with an encouraging slap on the rear and tell him to "Go get 'em, Champ". He may look at you confused because he hasn't come off the bench to shred it up since '75, but once he gets out there he'll know what to do! He'll have the fire back fo'sho, and you can have the self-satisfaction of knowing you helped him get his groove back! Alllright!



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Timothy Donnelly profile image

      Timothy Donnelly 

      8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      You have planned much ado for your Father's Day. May he enjoy it as much as you (I'm sure he's happy when you are, like all fathers normally are). Enjoy his fellowship, and let him have his day. Good Tidings and Best wishes.

    • Andrewskis profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Lexington, Kentucky

      jwt and prasetio: Thanks for your comments, I'm glad you found this hub funny and inspirational!

      Peace and Love to you both

    • prasetio30 profile image


      8 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Great hub for inspiration. Thumbs up for you. Thank you very much.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      sounds strangely familiar like someone I know......

      well written and funny.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)