Reeling In The Years 2019 to 2025: New Years Predictions
Many mystics try their hand at predicting the future. I prefer to take some emerging trends from the current year and extrapolate out a decade or so.
The death penalty will be enforced for the following crimes:
- Criticizing the president of the United States
- Insulting a recognized religion
- Objecting to the president’s power to declare which religions shall be recognized
- Criticizing the idea of Climate Change
- Criticizing Socialism
- Possessing a copy of any version of the King James Bible
- Distributing any version of the King James Bible
- Quoting from any version of the King James Bible.
The practice of all forms of orthodox, conservative Christianity is hate speech and is punishable by death.
Only New Christians who worship according to the New Socialist Government Bible are permitted to call themselves Christians.
And as it is written in the New Bible:
God, in Her infinite wisdom gave humankind but two gifts. The first was homosexuality. The second was the ability to fight Climate Change.
American Football will be banned for the following reasons
- Injuries that make standing difficult
- Injuries that make walking difficult
- Injuries that make using one's hands or fingers difficult
The Fix Is In
A congressional investigation will reveal that all professional sports games were fixed via bribes, threats or intimidation. The following were actively bribed in all professional sports
Almost any inexplicable game turned out to be influenced by bribery. And so, yes, that’s why the football coach called for nothing but passes when he knew the running game could not fail. He was bribed, threatened and intimidated.
The leader of North Korea has himself cloned 100 times. In an attempt to live forever, he continually harvested the organs of his clones and installed them in his body. He did manage to live 200 years in this way.
We Don't Need No Stinking Badges!
Once the laws that prohibited the display of identification when voting were made universal, radical Islamists walked across the southern border and took over every state that had a population below one million people without firing a shot. The radicals voted for radical write-in candidates and Sharia Law. And then the beheadings of Christians (both the hidden, underground KJV Christians and the New Socialist Christians) and atheists began.
The many world quantum theory was found to be correct. The radical theory that those many worlds interact with ours was also proved to be correct. One of those universes was populated by zombie cannibals. They came literally out of nowhere and ate everyone in North Korea before they could be stopped. Or, truth be told, before anybody bothered to stop them.
All skinny, boyish runway fashion models were revealed to be boys.
Barack Hussein Obama uses executive orders to make every citizen of India a citizen of the US. Then Obama convinces the people of India to create and ratify an amendment to the constitution to make Barack Hussein Obama God King of America for as long as he lives.
Obama also uses executive orders to confiscate all cars, houses, and money and give them to Mexico.
Someone opined that there were no limits of Executive Orders. At least, so that wag said, none that were written, implicit, explicit, expressed or implied. The president, who did not realize that the "limitless" comment was meant as a political joke, said the following to all his political opponents: We have decided that you are a "useless eater" and that you have no right to exist. Re-eduction was swift and final.