I Don't Like Parties-Am I Odd?
When I Accepted The Invitation
I was at my desk working through a backlog of paperwork when Stella asked me what I was doing over the up and coming week-end. Stella is a very pretty thirty year old, twenty years my junior who happens to be my boss at Amazing Adventures, a company that offers holiday makers something a bit different. I had planned on reading a good book on my days off but before I knew it I was accepting an invitation to an early Christmas pool party at Stellas' house. Stella and her husband are going to Thailand for Christmas so her celebrations are starting super early. It was funny because only a few days ago I had been in a conversation with my sister who said I needed to socialize more instead of spending all my time alone. Well! I thought to myself 'this will show her'. After looking over my clothes which consisted mainly of work skirts and blouses, a few track suits and faded jeans I decided it was high time to buy a new outfit. I ended up at a local store that I often pass on the way to work and admire. The window display today held a pale mannequin with a floaty maxi dress in a color I knew suited me well. The sales assistant was full of praise when I exited the change room just to check there wasn't anything else on the racks I would be happier with. Apart from having to take up the hem a few centimeters the fit was perfect so I bought it knowing I also had heels at home that would go perfectly. On my trip back home I suddenly realized with a very sick feeling that if it was a pool party was I going to need to actually get in the water? If so I would need some serious waxing not to mention most likely a new one piece. It was probably going to be easier to avoid the pool altogether, surely the guests wouldn't be hopping straight in on arrival so maybe I could say I had to leave once any guests commenced disrobing. I was beginning to feel the signs of regret that I had accepted now, why couldn't I have lied and said I was going away to the coast for the week-end. Too late to back out now I thought. The party was tomorrow night.
Torn Between Going and Staying
I remembered a conversation I once had with my sister in-law where she was telling me she always had a few drinks before leaving the house on any social occasion because she was always so nervous, but lucky for her her husband always drove. I did not have a partner and on realizing this I became more nervous. Single people tend to stand out at social gatherings especially where most of the co workers, as is my case are in relationships....except for that guy with really bad breath in accounts and the nineteen year old with acne who only ever seemed to make coffee for Stella. Oh well I decided to risk one stiff drink....besides it never took much these days to calm my nerves and tonight was the night. So on with the dress, make-up, the shoes and jewels, down the hatch with the bourbon and off I went. Driving there I began to really get nervous. Why was I doing this, putting myself through hell? I hated parties. Give me a packed nightclub with really loud music so no one needs to talk and I will shine...well I used to in my hey day. I pulled over and did a U turn...stuff this I thought I am 50 years young and if I don't want to go to a stupid party I don't have to...besides no one will miss me I told myself...and besides I don't even like most of the people I work with. I realized I had been caught off guard with Stella and had only accepted because I did not have a viable excuse ready to give and not to mention I hated saying NO. I have always found it difficult and probably always will. I was going to go home have another six bourbons and start on that book.
Feeling Guilty Now
So on the trip back home to my sanctuary I was thinking about Stella. She had been a really good boss to me, had even taken me out to lunch a few times. She had been married to Steve for a few years but they were having trouble starting a family. She had opened up to me quite easily probably because I am one of the older females in the place and I sometimes think I have a sign on my back that reads 'If you have a problem maybe I can help?' Steve was going through a stage, she had told me and she felt maybe he wasn't quite ready to be a dad yet....whatever !! I thought. I had met Steve a few times and didn't like him much, he came across as arrogant and selfish and I thought Stella could do better. But of course I hadn't said that. I basically told her if it was meant to be it would happen....Yeah great!! I never said I actually gave good advice. Anyway thinking about Stella and the party she had invited me to I began feeling guilty about not going so I did another U ey and headed back.
I Think I'm Abnormal
I parked out on the street and could see the pool area from where I was sitting feeling very reluctant to go in. There were a lot of people there already, the music was loud, the xmas tree lights were blinking in the lounge-room window and I could smell the b-b-q food. I could do this, I told myself. What if I don't know what to talk about? What if the only thing I can think of to talk about involves work? What if I have too many drinks and make a fool of myself. What if someone pushes me in the pool? What does this dress look like when wet? What if I am left alone standing in the corner with no one to talk to....Hell I think I'm abnormal. Surely others don't go through this nightmare every time there is a social occasion. If only I had a partner, then at least I would not feel so much like a sore thumb and I could just let him do all the talking. Don't be so stupid I told myself, your last husband had been the life of the party and mingled all night with the other guests and forgot about you completely on every occasion. Get a grip!!
Afraid of What Exactly?
Well I did eventually leave the comfort Of my car and I did manage to have quite a good time. I met some of Stella friends, even her mum and dad were there, so at least I had someone of my age to chat to when most of the others fell into the pool. Funny but the age difference of most of the guests had never even entered my thoughts, it was never a concern to me. It was all the other stupid stuff that could have held me back from having a good night out.
I have been invited to a New Years Eve fancy dress party by one of Stellas friends. Sounds like lots of fun but I bet you anything I will be scared witless and change my mind a dozen times. Maybe I'll just stay home and read. :)
Have a Safe and Happy Christmas Everyone