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The Christmas Engineer

Updated on January 29, 2012

The Christmas Engineer

Christmas once

Was lots of fun

The best time of the year

Christmas eve

Was spent with friends

And lots of Christmas cheer


Off to bed

Without a care

To sleep off wine and port

Then late to rise

And stumble out

To see what Santa brought


A slice of toast

With ham on top

A glass or three of wine

Then time for lunch

And then a nap

Prepare for dinner time


But that was when

We had no kids

I’m now a family man

These days it seems

I’m governed by

A vastly different plan


Now Christmas eve

A nightmare is

It makes me fear and tremble

With trampolines

And cars and bikes

That I must now assemble


The kids of course

Won’t go to bed

They’re waiting up for Santa

We can’t start

‘Til they’re asleep

So where’s that port decanter?


Eventually

At half past three

The kids have finally crashed

Now we can get

Their Christmas gifts

From where we had them stashed


But after hours

Of sitting ‘round

With nibbles chats and drinking

Our faculties

Are now impaired

Our enthusiasm sinking


Parts left over

Tools don’t fit

Instructions are in Spanglish

Broken lights

And missing screws

All adding to the anguish


I’m almost done

But it’s getting late

The kids will soon be stirring

The bikes are next

The wheels are on

But I still can’t get them turning


At last I find

Where I went wrong

And all the toys are finished

Into bed

Pretend to sleep

My Christmas spirit diminished


Too soon I hear

The kids awake

They’re running to our door

They shake us both

And then they throw

Our blankets to the floor


All agog

They drag us out

Around the Christmas tree

Then all the things

We wrapped last night

Are opened instantly


They see their bikes

They see the tramp

They give a mighty cheer

But it’s to Santa

And not to me

The Christmas Engineer


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