The Halloween Workout: It will make you Drop Dead!
Every day you turn around and there's a brilliant new workout that will change your life. You know the new workouts that look similar to yours but are tweaked in a few spots and claim that it will solve those problem areas you've had all your life in a matter of a few weeks...Who knows some of them might actually work but most of them probably won't. So why not come up with my own workout. Halloween's coming up so i've decided to launch the Halloween workout!
There's a few things you need before attempting this workout, of course checking with your doctor is always great, you don't want to keel over too quickly, Halloween's no fun if your dead, or it it?...
Things you need:
- Pumpkins varying in weight
- Bags of Candy
- multiple costumes
- a masked killer, preferably carrying some kind of deadly weapon, say a chainsaw or machete
- An old house if you can, or dark alley way but the woods work great as well
- cemetery with medium size headstones
The Halloween Workout
Start the workout with a brief warm up fo cardio, take the multiple costumes you've collected and change in and out of them as quick as possbile! Put on the freddy Kruger hat, the ugly red and green sweater. Then take it off, now put on the pirate costume with the eye patch, the hook for a hand and the boots! Now take it off and put on the witches costume, the one with the black dress, the cape, and the witches hat. Then take it off and put your regular outfit on. Did you break a sweat yet?
- Next a little bit of lifting, take your pumpkins (remember don't hold them just from the stem!! hold the bottom as well) Take the prefer sized pumpkin and lift it straight up in front of you 3 sets of 13 reps.
- Take a quick break (have a mini candy bar, those small ones everyone hands out on Halloween) sip some apple cider.
- Now back to the pumpkins, this time your going to hold the pumpkin straight out in front of you and do squats. 3 sets of 13 reps
- Place pumpkin down (remember if you smash it you cant carve your jack o lantern!)
- Back to cardio! for a quick warm up run through the cementary, use the headstones as hurdles!
- Once your warmed up call up your Masked killer and ask him/her/it to meet you at the old house, alley way or woods (your preference). When the killer gets to the location egg him on with some sarcastic joke, once you get him angry start running!
- Run as fast as you can through the woods, jumping over tree stumps; in the house up the stairs; or in the alley dodging old trash cans.
- As your running make and effort to fall, this will cause your momentum to slow and heart rate to speed up. Suggestions include trip going up the stairs in the old house, or fall down a hill in the woods, or if in the alley way try to get disoriented.
- Now the final stage of the workout, the fight to the death. Once the masked killer catches up to you (corners you in the upstairs closet, grabs you right at the end of the alley where people are walking by clueless, or you some how end up in the killer's deranged camp in the middle of the woods) its time to face the music its the killer or you.
- To get the most out of the fight don't go down easy, various movements from kicking, screaming, scratching, and even tackling will give you a decent workout. Don't worry about hurting the masked killer for some reason they don't feel the pain and rarely die.
- The longer the fight the better the work. If your still alive at the end, good for you! move on to the final cool down. If you didn't make it pass the masked killer, I'm sorry but you didn't work hard enough!
- Final cool down, grab some pillowcases and fill them up with all the candy you can fit in them, now do brief sprints dragging the pillowcases behind you, perhaps running from one neigbor's house to the next?
- when your done with this your workout is complete and your ready for Halloween!
This workout can be intense, the possible results of this workout include death, dismemberment and being scared to death. Other side effects include the over consumption of candy and the squashing of pumpkins! Finally, if you've gotten this far into the hub I hope you know its a satire and not meant for a real workout! Happy Halloween!