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The Irony of Anti Halloween Christians

Updated on April 17, 2015


It's that time of year again, the time when theme parks, amateur haunted houses, and your neighbors all deck things out for Halloween. For children there are few holidays that are more fun. It's a night of candy related indulgence and make believe that has proven utterly harmless to our society. So it's not a surprise that a night as fun filled and pleasurable as Halloween makes puritanical, mostly right-wing, Christians very upset.

In my previous hub on the subject
I went over the basic gist of the argument made by anti-Halloween Christians, namely that Halloween glorifies Satan, death and evil. Apparently all the fairy princess outfits in the world can't make up for even one child who sports a pitch-fork and a full red body suit with a tail. Nope, doesn't matter if all just imagination and fun and games, clearly Halloween is a doorway to Hell.

In this hub I want to talk about the hilarious irony of Christians, particularly fundamentalists, getting up in arms about Halloween. And I invite my fellow atheists, and moderate normal religious folks, to poke fun with me at our absurd fundamentalist friends.

The Season of the Witch

Some arguments against Halloween revolve around the holiday's affinity toward Witchcraft. Christians continually misunderstand the differences between Wicca, Witchcraft, Satanism and the Occult in general usually opting to lump them together as some kind of axis of evil. Apparently magic is something which Christians don't look kindly on, which is funny because their own Savior performed plenty of magic.

And all of a sudden the Christians scream in outrage, "Christ's miracles aren't magic!"

Rather than get bogged down in the witch's brew of controversy and semantics that would follow I'll move on to my next point: WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH WITCHCRAFT? Keep in mind, Christians, that witchcraft and Satanism are NOT THE SAME THING. Even if Witches were in league with Satan what exactly would the harm be? Satan is powerless correct? God can easily defeat Satan, yes?

The worst Satan does is tempt you, or, perhaps, send some spirits to possess you, all ailments that Christians are meant to be able to deal with. Jesus says that Christians should be able to cast out demons, heal the sick and raise the dead, so if anything a rise in demonic possession or Satanism would just give Christians more opportunity to strengthen their faith and prove to the world their supernatural gifts.

Wouldn't Christians be able to redeem witches by casting the evil out of them? Instead historically they hanged them, drowned them or burned them at the stake. Rather than heed Christ's words of love they burned people, tormented them. Rather than cast Satan out from "witches" they preferred to exterminate them as if becoming a witch makes you cease being human. And to top it all off Christians FAILED at their genocide, there are still people who claim to be witches and still some Satanists who actually believe in Satan (though they are few and far between).

Wait, this guy rose from the dead right, that kinda makes him a... zombie

is Jesus a zombie?
is Jesus a zombie?

Zombies, Violence and Death, Oh My

Some of the other arguments I've heard (mostly from my Father who was staunchly against Halloween when I was growing up: See - Halloween, Harmless Holiday or Satanic Celebration?) claim that Halloween glorifies death and violence and evil. What with all the zombies and skeletons and ghosts, clearly death is being worshipped as if he were some sort of deity. People shouldn't spend there time worshipping the dead, or zombies for that matter.

Christianity is a Death Cult

Christianity is ALL ABOUT DEATH. In fact I've heard it characterized as a Death Cult and when you get down to it that is EXACTLY what Christianity is at its root. Strip away the moral teachings of Christ and get to the root of what many Christians truly believe and you will see it too. We've got an innocent man brutally beaten to death. Many hymns, songs, and religious movies and books focus solely on Jesus being nailed to a cross and violently executed by the Romans.

After dying Jesus returns to life in the same body he died in still sporting the ghastly wounds he sustained while hanging on the cross (he let's Thomas touch them after all). Before departing Jesus leaves his disciples with a ritual known as COMMUNION where believers pretend to eat Jesus flesh and drink his BLOOD. Excuse the language but FOR FUCK SAKE PEOPLE how is this not obvious to everyone? Christians are worshipping a zombie who asks them to perform a ritual where they pretend to be cannibals. Many believe that they are WASHED IN THE BLOOD a phrase I've discussed in my hubs previously.

Bathing in blood, a brutal execution, supernatural occurrences, a dead man returning to life, cannibalistic rituals. And you mean to tell me that a ten year old dressed as a pirate so he can get some fun-sized candy bars is somehow glorifying evil and death? You mean to suggest that watching a slasher movie where a bunch of naughty teenagers get what's coming to them is evil while your death cult about an innocent man's horrific execution is some beautiful endearing tale?

These are the same sorts of people who won't let their teenage child watch a PG-13 'sex comedy' but will drag them to Passion of the Christ to watch 2 hours of gory torture-porn. The sort of folks who will claim there's no such thing as ghosts and then claim to be indwelt by a "Holy Ghost".

The stain fighting power of new Jesus Brand laundry detergent!
The stain fighting power of new Jesus Brand laundry detergent!

Fear Itself

To many of the more superstitious Christians the Devil appears to be everywhere and in everything. They fear for their children, fear that they may be taken down the wrong path in life and stray from the ways of God. In a way I can sympathize with this view, misguided though it may be, as they are genuinely concerned with the fate of their children. But inadvertently they expose their children to the real danger, to the danger of fear.

Growing up in a fundamentalist household left me a firm believer in demons and ghosts as a child. I used to be afraid of becoming possessed and seeing it portrayed on television in so-called documentaries on the Discovery Channel or History Channel did not help any. The last thing we should do is give legitimacy to such fears and superstitions or instill them in our children. While this hub is generally light-hearted there is a real danger of infecting children with poisonous superstition, fear and guilt.


The hypocrisy, the irony of those Christians who oppose Halloween, is apparently lost on them. Proving once again that Fundamentalism causes you to stop thinking or at least to stop thinking for yourself. To those moderate Christians who read this I hope you are not too offended and I hope that you will do your part to help me in my on going quest to tear the Fundamentalists a new one.

I also hope that those of us smart enough to know that Halloween is just a bit of fun will have some extra fun this Halloween season. Watch a few extra horror movies, wear an extra-gory or extra-sexy costume and have as much fun as we possibly can as a screw you to the Fundies.

Here's looking forward to a happy Halloween hubbers :D


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    • Titen-Sxull profile image

      Titen-Sxull 6 years ago from back in the lab again


      Be my guest, admittedly there are some stupid atheists out there and if they make stupid arguments than those deserve to be pointed out and even ridiculed if necessary.

      Normally I'm all about arguing against the beliefs or arguments rather than the people but in this case the irony was too delicious not to poke fun directly at fundamentalists.


      Thanks warlock. I agree, people have the right to believe whatever they want. Luckily in most countries we also have the right to criticize and question the beliefs of others through freedom of speech.

      Happy Halloween :)

    • profile image

      warlock 6 years ago

      HAHA, awesome mate. You just about "nailed" it there, really hit the nail on the cross. Personally I'm not religious, since that word has lost all meaning in today's society, but I do understand the moderatly "relgious" persons right to express their faith. The few that take it to extremes should read your posts. Keep up the good work and have a spooky halloween!

    • profile image

      jack 6 years ago

      i like how all of these christain basher threads always bash the lowest common denominator of christians. maybe i should pick on the retarded athiests or something.

    • Titen-Sxull profile image

      Titen-Sxull 6 years ago from back in the lab again


      Thanks for the comment! Yes it seems there's no end to the absurdity of Fundamentalist Christianity. Just when you think you've heard it all some news story comes out about a Fundie blaming homosexuality for Earthquakes or some such nonsense :D


      Thanks for the kind words :)

      The only problem with arguing against the Fundamentalists is that they don't realize when they've lost. Too few of them have the intellectual honesty to admit when they are wrong.

      Happy Halloween :D

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      Happy Halloween, Titen!

      Voted up and awesome as usual. Stick it to the Fundies, ROFLMAO

      This year my Halloween party theme is A Very Dexter One.

      My hero.

    • Sychophantastic profile image

      Sychophantastic 6 years ago

      You certainly have an endless supply of material for hubs such as this one.