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The Office Christmas Party Survival Guide

Updated on December 18, 2008

After The Office Christmas Party (Saving Face)

Every year without fail we all make a promise to ourselves that this year will be different, this year I will behave myself, this year I will be able to go into work the day after the Christmas party with my head held high and this year I will not be the one everyone is pointing at and whispering about when my back is turned.

We read all of the advice going in newspapers and magazines, sip your drink slowly, alternate your drinks one glass alcohol then one glass water, have something to eat before hand to line your stomach, keep the conversation flowing that way you will talk more and drink less and so on and so on.

You go to the party all set to be a good boy or girl and as soon as you walk in the door, amnesia sets in and you forget all of your promises.

Next morning you awaken with the dreaded hangover and then the flashbacks start coming into your head.

Oh my God, Did I really do that?

It's too late to start worrying about how you are going to behave at the party; the party is over and done with, now you have to worry about the aftermath of your actions the night before.

Saving Face

Before you get out of bed, take a moment to think about the night before, assess the damage, check the bed and see if there is anyone else there with you, who may be able to help your memory of the events.

If it's your boss, then celebrate think of all of the things that you can buy after your promotion and pay rise.

If its Quasimodo, then you really did have a lot more to drink than you intended, just get up and get out without saying a word, unless its your own bed; in that case politely ask the person to leave saying that you have to go out.

Mobile phone

If there isn't anyone in bed with you then check your mobile phone, it is always a good source of clues, what did you photograph or video during the nights events, check your text messages, call a trusted friend and ask them of their recollection of last night especially your behaviour.

Conceal Physical Damage

It may be a good Idea to check your person for physical damage, and to take appropriate measures to conceal your war wounds.

The best way to treat a love bite is to apply Calamine lotion, it won't completely conceal them but a scarf or a polo neck should do the trick.

Scratches, bruises and scabbing, can be covered up with trousers or opaque nylons.

Skin rashes from kissing, can be explained away by claiming an allergic reaction to skin cream or soap.

Face the Music

The worst thing that you can do is take the day off work, this gives everyone a chance to gossip about you behind your back, you can always hope that everyone else was too drunk to remember your shenanigans from the party but there is always one who stays sober.

You could always try an excuse or two that will make people look at your behaviour.

  • 1) "I'm so sorry. I was on medication and I shouldn't have mixed it with alcohol, I tried not to."
  • 2) "I had bad news from home and I was self medicating with alcohol."

If all else fails just state the obvious "So what, I had too much to drink, haven't we all at some point?"

When to Apologise

Things That Need Apologies:

  1. Arson
  2. Indecent exposure
  3. Inappropriate bodily emissions in an inappropriate public place. Consensual sex with an office colleague in private is fine, if however you decided to have that fun in the middle of the dance floor then it may just become an issue.
  4. Vomiting over the MD in public is not a good thing to do no matter what you really think of him/her, you will need to apologise straight away and offer to have their clothes dry cleaned.

Shift the Gossip

A good tactic to use at this point is to try to get the office gossip shifted on to someone else, if two colleagues have failed to arrive for work then tell everyone that you are positive that you saw them leaving the party together, suggesting a gay relationship is always a good one to take the attention away from you.

Forgive Yourself

Everyone has been in your shoes at one time or other, if you are there on a regular basis then perhaps it is time to seek help, alcoholics anonymous are only a phone call away. But if this is just a one off then don't be too hard on yourself, these things happen and you will have learned to moderate your drinking behaviour for future events.

Comments

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    • Peter M. Lopez profile image

      Peter M. Lopez 

      10 years ago from Sweetwater, TX

      Great advice. I wonder...was there an appropriate price paid for this knowledge?

    • RFox profile image

      RFox 

      10 years ago

      I'm new to the hub world and I have to say this article is awesome. If only I had read it last year then I would have known how to deflect attention from my own office rampage. Of course they did have the security tape which they seemed to enjoy showing over and over but a good rumour about Bill in accounting with Timmy the mail clerk would surely have taken the heat off of me. At least I know what to do this year. Thanks!

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 

      10 years ago

      LOL Jimmy!! Great stuff!

    • Mark Knowles profile image

      Mark Knowles 

      10 years ago

      This seems very heartfelt. I won't ask for details, :)

    • MrMarmalade profile image

      MrMarmalade 

      10 years ago from Sydney

      You are amazing guy. Come up with right information at the right time

      Thank you

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 

      10 years ago

      Why Jimmy, I was expecting photos of you in your Tutu dancing on the desk top with a bottle of champagne in one hand and three wild ones in the other!! I would even settle for a bottle of beer and you on your own dining room table . . . but I would never settle for anything less than full office Tutu!!

      GREAT Hub Jimmy!! Too, too funny!! I have emailed it on to many, many friends!!

      Blessings to you and yours!! Earth Angel!!

    • profile image

      Aman 

      10 years ago

      I really liked the Hub.gr8.keep writing.

    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 

      10 years ago from Seattle

      I love it! Great advice, and you are too funny.

      I have heard from a wonderful German friend that you can avoid getting drunk, while drinking all you want, by drinking a shot glass full of oil before you start drinking. I've never tried it myself!

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 

      10 years ago from San Francisco

      LOL!!!

      Jimmy, this stuff is CLASSIC!

      Some great advice mixed in with the funny bits. :)

    • JamesRay profile image

      JamesRay 

      10 years ago from Philadelphia

      Great hub, Jimmy. Take it from a man with a history of getting a little bit out of hand at a few Office Christmas parties. This is sage advice.

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