- Holidays and Celebrations
The Right and Wrong Ways to Open Your Christmas Gifts
The time is nigh
for us to celebrate that one day that we all either look forward to or dreading the very sunrise at dawn. That day, is Christmas Day. Seriously, and without apology, this day that we have set aside should not be about merchandising, what we can "get," and why someone maxed-out their MasterCard to get us a solid gold toothpick simply because our best friend, "J.W. Renshaw," the town hip hop mogul carries one with him everywhere.
Somewhere back there in the late 1950's when progress and prosperity were married with our blessings, we went astray when it came to gift-giving and yes, gift receiving. But didn't our forefathers mean for us to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the only begotten son of God on this day? When we started minimizing "this" day and built up progressive merchandising, the trouble started.
for me right now is an opportunity to say, "When you open your gift, say, "Well would you look-a here? A pair of green briefs. Just what I needed." Sure you are telling a lie through your teeth, but had you rather be a big mouth and express your selfish opinion than to NOT hurt someone's feelings on giving you a gift at Christmas?
This piece is not about the mechanics and politics of Christmas, the "Merchant's Dream," but gift receiving. Yep. The gifts that Uncle Henry and Aunt Jenny saved up all year to get us or that gift that our old maid sister had to sell her pet guinea pig, "Goober" in order to get us a wrist watch at the local gas station.
You would think that receiving a Christmas gift is easy. If you think this, you are dead wrong. There is a lot riding on how you open your Christmas gift and react to it as it relates to the person who put a lot of thought into what to buy for you.
And how your facial expressions, eye movements, say so much about your character (if you have one or not) when you are handed the gift shabbily-wrapped in six different colors of Christmas paper by your widower Uncle Leonard who was a World War I vet.
To many of you, this note will be similar to me giving you a Christmas gift, but I have to tell the truth. There will be NO MORE from me until 2017 gets into full swing. This way, you can have time to spend with your precious companions and children
And everyone please have a Safe, Happy, and Joyful CHRISTmas Day.
Give these gifts and get nothing but smiles
Now I give you . . .
The Right and Wrong Ways to Open Your Christmas Gifts
The Wrong Ways:
- Putting your forefinger inside your mouth as to gag yourself in disgust for getting shoes instead of video games.
- Holding your gift of Old Spice cologne up to ridicule by making fun of it to your relatives.
- Quickly wrapping the gift back up and hopefully your Aunt Julie will not see you stuffing it underneath your couch.
- Exclaiming with loud voice, "Why in the name of decency did someone give me a box of trash?"Or . . ."Dog food? Do I look like our dog?"
- Holding your gift up, then getting your relatives' attention and then announcing, "This poor excuse for a gift is now up for bids. Do I hear $4.00? Uhh, $3.00?"
- Opening your carefully-wrapped gift and then acting like you are falling asleep.
The Correct Ways:
- You open your gift and find inside the festive colored box, a small statue of a dog because you are known by your family as a dog lover. Then hold up the gift for people to see. Smile as big and wide as possible. Do this for at least three minutes. Any longer and people are wise enough to know that you are acting.
- Say loudly, "Hey, let me call my drinking buddies at the office! I want them to know how much my fifth cousin, Charles, whom I only see one time a year, at Christmas, cares for me by giving me this antique beer stein with an actual miniature oil can to keep the lid oiled.
- Jump up from where you are sitting when you see what you have been given and run to every relative in attendance at your family's annual Christmas dinner. Warning: Do not fall prey to the overwhelming temptation to whisper, "how much will you give me for this?" to each relative you talk to.
- If you are a member of a community theater or drama troupe, your ability to cry on cue will pay off. You open a huge gift that you know by the wrapping that it is a guitar (that you have no desire to play) and you slowly take it out of the box, grab your hanky from your pocket and shed a gallon of crocodile tears and manage to say, "thank you so much, Uncle Grady. This probably set you back a fortune." Fact: it did NOT set your Uncle Grady back a fortune. Grady is a compulsive gambler and he won this guitar a week ago at his usual poker game.
- After the initial shock of seeing your Christmas gift, a pair of Liberty overalls, your sister Billie, the antique expert, says the price of and value of these overalls will one day soon "go through the roof," and you can cash in on the profits and share them with her, walk to Billie, embrace her as warmly as possible and whisper, "I would have never dreamed of getting such a unique gift." What you have said is the truthful way that you feel, but it sounds like you like the Liberty overalls and Billie is not hurt.
And with that my good friends/followers on HubPages, Merry CHRISTmas to you and yours.
Good night, America.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery