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The Right and Wrong Ways to Open Your Christmas Gifts

Updated on December 8, 2016
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

The Old Elf himself, Santa
The Old Elf himself, Santa | Source

The time is nigh

for us to celebrate that one day that we all either look forward to or dreading the very sunrise at dawn. That day, is Christmas Day. Seriously, and without apology, this day that we have set aside should not be about merchandising, what we can "get," and why someone maxed-out their MasterCard to get us a solid gold toothpick simply because our best friend, "J.W. Renshaw," the town hip hop mogul carries one with him everywhere.

Somewhere back there in the late 1950's when progress and prosperity were married with our blessings, we went astray when it came to gift-giving and yes, gift receiving. But didn't our forefathers mean for us to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the only begotten son of God on this day? When we started minimizing "this" day and built up progressive merchandising, the trouble started.

Image from page 895  of  Florists  review  microform 1912
Image from page 895 of Florists review microform 1912 | Source
The look on his face says, "Socks? Again? Are you kidding me?"
The look on his face says, "Socks? Again? Are you kidding me?" | Source

for me right now is an opportunity to say, "When you open your gift, say, "Well would you look-a here? A pair of green briefs. Just what I needed." Sure you are telling a lie through your teeth, but had you rather be a big mouth and express your selfish opinion than to NOT hurt someone's feelings on giving you a gift at Christmas?

This piece is not about the mechanics and politics of Christmas, the "Merchant's Dream," but gift receiving. Yep. The gifts that Uncle Henry and Aunt Jenny saved up all year to get us or that gift that our old maid sister had to sell her pet guinea pig, "Goober" in order to get us a wrist watch at the local gas station.

You would think that receiving a Christmas gift is easy. If you think this, you are dead wrong. There is a lot riding on how you open your Christmas gift and react to it as it relates to the person who put a lot of thought into what to buy for you.

And how your facial expressions, eye movements, say so much about your character (if you have one or not) when you are handed the gift shabbily-wrapped in six different colors of Christmas paper by your widower Uncle Leonard who was a World War I vet.

This pretty girl is thinking, "Did Aunt Telly not know that I am not a cook?" But her devastating great looks keeps her from getting any trouble
This pretty girl is thinking, "Did Aunt Telly not know that I am not a cook?" But her devastating great looks keeps her from getting any trouble | Source

Serious notice:

To many of you, this note will be similar to me giving you a Christmas gift, but I have to tell the truth. There will be NO MORE from me until 2017 gets into full swing. This way, you can have time to spend with your precious companions and children

And everyone please have a Safe, Happy, and Joyful CHRISTmas Day.

Sincerely,

Kenneth

His look pretty much says it all
His look pretty much says it all | Source
 Image from page 603  of Baltimore and Ohio  employees magazine 1920. With crowds as big as this, the chances of someone getting their feelings hurt at a gift that they didn't want is huge
Image from page 603 of Baltimore and Ohio employees magazine 1920. With crowds as big as this, the chances of someone getting their feelings hurt at a gift that they didn't want is huge
Image from page 1229 of  "The American florist" a weekly  journal for the trade 11885. This tells your gift ahead of time, so my story will be of help to you
Image from page 1229 of "The American florist" a weekly journal for the trade 11885. This tells your gift ahead of time, so my story will be of help to you | Source
Perfect way to open a Christmas gift: Smiling although you know a cheap cousin gave the gift to you
Perfect way to open a Christmas gift: Smiling although you know a cheap cousin gave the gift to you | Source
"But grandson, I thought  a stack of job applications  were what you wanted since you have sponged off of me for six months."
"But grandson, I thought a stack of job applications were what you wanted since you have sponged off of me for six months." | Source

Give these gifts and get nothing but smiles

Now I give you . . .

The Right and Wrong Ways to Open Your Christmas Gifts

The Wrong Ways:

  • Putting your forefinger inside your mouth as to gag yourself in disgust for getting shoes instead of video games.
  • Holding your gift of Old Spice cologne up to ridicule by making fun of it to your relatives.
  • Quickly wrapping the gift back up and hopefully your Aunt Julie will not see you stuffing it underneath your couch.
  • Exclaiming with loud voice, "Why in the name of decency did someone give me a box of trash?"Or . . ."Dog food? Do I look like our dog?"


  • Holding your gift up, then getting your relatives' attention and then announcing, "This poor excuse for a gift is now up for bids. Do I hear $4.00? Uhh, $3.00?"
  • Opening your carefully-wrapped gift and then acting like you are falling asleep.

The Correct Ways:

  • You open your gift and find inside the festive colored box, a small statue of a dog because you are known by your family as a dog lover. Then hold up the gift for people to see. Smile as big and wide as possible. Do this for at least three minutes. Any longer and people are wise enough to know that you are acting.
  • Say loudly, "Hey, let me call my drinking buddies at the office! I want them to know how much my fifth cousin, Charles, whom I only see one time a year, at Christmas, cares for me by giving me this antique beer stein with an actual miniature oil can to keep the lid oiled.
  • Jump up from where you are sitting when you see what you have been given and run to every relative in attendance at your family's annual Christmas dinner. Warning: Do not fall prey to the overwhelming temptation to whisper, "how much will you give me for this?" to each relative you talk to.
  • If you are a member of a community theater or drama troupe, your ability to cry on cue will pay off. You open a huge gift that you know by the wrapping that it is a guitar (that you have no desire to play) and you slowly take it out of the box, grab your hanky from your pocket and shed a gallon of crocodile tears and manage to say, "thank you so much, Uncle Grady. This probably set you back a fortune." Fact: it did NOT set your Uncle Grady back a fortune. Grady is a compulsive gambler and he won this guitar a week ago at his usual poker game.
  • After the initial shock of seeing your Christmas gift, a pair of Liberty overalls, your sister Billie, the antique expert, says the price of and value of these overalls will one day soon "go through the roof," and you can cash in on the profits and share them with her, walk to Billie, embrace her as warmly as possible and whisper, "I would have never dreamed of getting such a unique gift." What you have said is the truthful way that you feel, but it sounds like you like the Liberty overalls and Billie is not hurt.

And with that my good friends/followers on HubPages, Merry CHRISTmas to you and yours.

Good night, America.

My tip in the text in my story about if you are a member of a community theater troupe and can act, well, this girl "is" acting like she is excited to get whatever is in the box
My tip in the text in my story about if you are a member of a community theater troupe and can act, well, this girl "is" acting like she is excited to get whatever is in the box | Source

© 2016 Kenneth Avery

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    • SakinaNasir53 profile image

      Sakina Nasir 4 months ago from Kuwait

      Haha! Great hub Kenneth once again! Enjoyed reading it! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Most amusing. Enjoyed this. Sure glad my hubby and I have no problems with gifts. We are just 3 for the holidays my hubby, me and our cat Sid. We decorate and have a small tree and then make good food to eat and some punch. Long ago we realized it wasn't worth it to spend money on gifts that we might no even like ourselves so we don't exchange instead we celebrate it as the birthday of Jesus and simply enjoy. Hope you and yours will have a very Merry Christmas.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, Sakina,

      Thanks for the sweet comment and I am so glad that

      I wrote something that made you laugh--so thus,

      the work was well worth it.

      Merry CHRISTmas to you and yours.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Gypsy Rose Lee,

      Firstly, thank you for the sweet comment and sharing

      a bit of your life with me.

      I respect you, your husband, and Sid for celebrating

      CHRISTmas in this style. Your thinking about not

      spending that much makes sense.

      With my wife and myself, we have three great grandkids

      who love to come to our home and open gifts although

      they are growing up at light speed.

      No. We did not spend much. I gave each a hundred

      bucks and let them buy what they wanted and guess

      what? They like this better than us having to choose

      their gifts.

      And Gypsy, Merry CHRISTmas to you and yours.

    • SakinaNasir53 profile image

      Sakina Nasir 4 months ago from Kuwait

      Hi Kenneth! You are most welcome. Merry Christmas to you and your family too! ☺

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      :) Dearest Sakina :)

      Awe, how very sweet of you.

      I Appreciate YOU so Much!

    • favored profile image

      Fay Favored 4 months ago from USA

      Wishing you a very Merry CHRIST-mas and prosperous New Year. Blessings

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 4 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      favored,

      Sorry that I was late in replying.

      Thank you for your CHRIST-mas wish and New Year blessings. I want to return the same to you, except MORE of them.

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