The first Mother's Day without my mother
Introduction to my hub
My mother passed away in June of 2011, right after celebrating Mother’s Day with us. This year we are celebrating the first Mother’s Day without her. It’s hard to believe that it has been nearly a year since she passed away. During those last few days we were exhausted, worn out mentally and physically, and we couldn’t stop crying. Burying her was just about the hardest thing we have ever done.
Once it was over, we thought we could get on with our lives because it is over now. But it is never over. You find yourself remembering the strangest things about your loved one. For instance, my mother loved Christmas. She would go all out with all of the lights and animated characters and a huge tree with lots of tinsel and shiny ornaments. Well, when Christmas came last year we had all steeled ourselves for the memories. And they were there, but that wasn’t the hardest part. The hardest part was that she would always ask us to take her places to see the lights and we automatically put time aside for that purpose, but the request never came.
So here is a letter I wrote to my mother for Mother’s Day. I can’t send it to her, but I hope that she can read it just the same:
Dear Mom:
Happy Mother’s Day! I can’t be with you right now, so I thought I would write you a letter to let you know what was going on and that I, and the rest of the family, are thinking of you. We really miss you, Mom, but I know you are in a good place right now.
It has been awhile since we last saw each other. I fear we have all been busy trying to keep up with everything, and I’m sure you have as well. My kid’ kids are getting bigger and it seems so funny to hear them say “Grandma” but now I know how you felt when my kids were born.
We are all getting older, as I’m sure you know, and the issues that older people face have been plaguing us. For instance, thanks so much for the bad knees, Mom, I think you passed them on to all of us including a few of my children. But, I guess we have to take the good with the bad, right?
The winter here was much warmer than usual, I think you would have enjoyed it; I know how much you hated it when it snowed, especially being up on that mountain and snowed in so much. This year there was hardly anything. The spring is warmer than usual too. You would have enjoyed seeing all of the spring finery coming out so early.
Well, Mom, I guess I’ve taken up enough of your time, so I will end here. I can’t send you flowers or balloons, so I thought I would put them in my letter for you. I hope you like them.
Love and OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX--from me, all of your children, all of your grandchildren, and all of your great-grandchildren-HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Your loving daughter
© 2012 Cheryl Simonds
Talk to me about your mom
Cherlyone,
I feel your pain as it is the second Mother's day without my Mom. And you are right the grief never really ends. Beautiful.
JT
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Thank you, JT, I appreciate your empathy and your votes. I know that time will ease the pain, but it seems to take so loooong!
I wish I could lie to you cherlyone. It has been over a year for me and it is not easier. I still miss her every single day. When I first came to HP I didn't write about it at all and then I did for several months. Now I am silent about it again. It still comes in waves. It takes about three years before your even feel human again.
My thoughts will be with you this Mother's Day.
Jt
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Thank you JT, and my thoughts will be with you as well.
Thanks Cherlyone!! I appreciate it.
I still have my mother with me, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. She is getting older and not in great health. I know I should treasure all the time we have left. Thank you.
Cherlyone..Sorry for your loss..beautiful letter to your Mom, I lost my Mother years ago and it was at that time because of her love for the garden we started a tradition. Every year on Mother's Day each family member plants a flower, (only one a year)and that includes grandchildren.Each year we take turns. We hope this tradition will carry down through the years..so far it has been 35 years.
I am so sorry to read this hub of yours Cherylone, it's really hard and sad to have mothers' day without mother especially the first year...I can really feel your pain, although this had happened to me 21 years back, I just couldn't get it over...till now...especially like what you have mentioned, somehow you would find yourself remembering the strangest things about your loved one...
A touching hub to me indeed, let's have those wonderful memories on mind forever which we had spent with our moms...and let's promise to them we shall always be their loving daughters...Happy Mothers' Day Cherylone!
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@A Schwartz, sadly you are right, our mothers begin to age and we don't see it right away because we expect them to always be mom. Spend as much time as you can with your mom.
@kj force, thank you for your sentiment. I'm glad you liked the letter to my mom, I was feeling a little lost and writing the letter helped me to focus once more. Your tradition sounds wonderful, I think I will mention it to my family and see if we can start somethint like that--thanks you for the idea and I hope you don't mind my copying.
@Injured lamb, thank you for the sentiment, is is hard, but I have, like so many others like me, am learning to cope. Yes, we will always be loving daughters. Happy Mother's Day to you as well.
@ EVERYONE, I would just like to add that I have been struggling with the loss of my mother and I find that the love and support of my hubpage friends have been an enormous help. Thanks, everyone!
cherylone..glad you liked our family tradition..we would feel very privledged if your family was to accept it. I feel it would help the healing process and the beauty of the garden reflects the legacy she left..Happy Mother's Day to you...
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kj, thank you for the permission, I am going to try to discuss it with family and see if they would like to do it, I do so hope they will. Happy Mother's Day to you as well.
Cherylone this will also be my first Mother's Day without my mom. She passes away at the end of September suddenly. One day here, the next gone. No goodbye or anything. Even though I have my own kids I am dreading this Mother's Day...I'll be thinking of you.
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Chelle, I am so sorry for your loss, I will be thinking of you this Mother's Day as well. I like to think my mother is up there looking down and trying to let me know when I screw up (like when I was a kid), hopefully yours is doing the same. Remember your kids, they will definitely help you make it through the day-as mine will.
Thank you for posting this wonderful letter to your mom. It reflects so much of my thoughts at this time. I too lost my mom last year almost 1 week after Mother's Day; on May 13th - which tomorrow will be my first Mother's Day without her and also a year since she past. Happy Mother's Day to all!
I know the pain you feel, I lost my mom and grandmother on August 13, 2011. God bless
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@MSelle, I am glad that the letter helped you, I know how hard it is right now for you and I hope your day stays special. I am sorry for your loss, but I know time will help.
@Darrin, I am sorry for your loss, God Bless you as well. I hope your day is special, too.
Hi cherylone, lovely to see your sweet kind words here printed for you dear mother, now sadly gone. The feeling of the loss, as you say, never goes away, but you have the memories for a long time to come. May all the good of those memories bring comfort, when you need it.
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chspublish, thank you for your kind words. The feeling of loss doesn't go away, but it does get easier (or so I've been told). Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
This is truly touching and heart felt. What a beautiful hub you have put together, filled with such deep feelings for your loved one. Your mum will always be there with you in your memories, and in your heart. Sorry to read about your loss, there are a few stages of grief we go through as time goes by. May you find your peace soon.
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KatrineDalMonte, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. I know I will, in time, heal, at least a little, but the loss is still pretty keen right now. I know I will find peace with the help of family and good friends like you and my other hub friends. Thank you.
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