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Totally Free (Slightly Redneck) Christmas Gifts

Updated on December 2, 2011

Times are hard and everyone's trying to cut back. Stop impulse shopping! Make a list, and next to it instead of writing what you'd like to buy each person, write down what each person likes. From crafty, hand-made items to things bought on clearance months in advance, there are an endless number of ways to stay within a budget during the holiday season.

    Go into the woods, and select a nice sized stick. Then, using bits of colored yarn, tie on some empty beer cans. Braid a few pieces of yarn to make a sturdy hanger, and tada! You have a lovely redneck wind chime that didn't cost you a dime. For an extra holiday effect try using cans with a red and white theme, like Budweiser.
    Have you ever experienced the sheer bliss of enjoying any flavor creamer you want in your piping hot coffee on a cold winter's morning? I have, at 7-Eleven! They don't care if you take a few extra for the road. If you start collecting right after Thanksgiving, before you know you it, you'll have enough to fill a small 7-Eleven gift bag (i.e. shopping bag) by the time Christmas arrives. If you'd like to make it a deluxe gift, just add some sugar and artificial sweetener packets as well.
    Gift cards are lame gifts. A better option is to get a blank gift card from the check-out stand. Don't bother having any cash loaded onto it, because it won't last that long. Using a very sharp pair of scissors, cut out some guitar picks. Bonus points if you use gift cards in traditional Christmas colors.
    Walk into any Chinese restaurant and they have loads of chopsticks waiting to be picked up by their patrons. Just grab a pair, take them home, and then use magic marker to decorate them. If you're afraid of your artistic design wearing off onto the yarn, wrap those sticks in some clear packing tape. I can almost guarantee that the knitter on your Christmas shopping list will be speechless.
    - Got any deer antlers lying around? They make awesome chew toys for puppies of all ages! Or, when you go to the bank, in a loud whisper ask for a "T R E A T" (Yeah, you have to spell it for this to work.) for the invisible dog sleeping in the back seat. Do this enough and you'll have enough for a goody bag -- without spending a dime!
    - Wrap yarn into a ball, and snugly secure the end with white school glue. Tada, cat toy! Or use packing tape and fasten a few feathers to the end of a thin yet sturdy stick. It'll frustrate your cat to no end, much to your endless amusement.
    What kid wouldn't enjoy a Christmas ride on their very own tire swing. Forget the "safety swing" that sells at hardware stores for a small fortune. Tires are free! Just drive down the bumpiest dirt road you can find and keep a close eye on the ditch. Use a chain from an existing swing set (You may want to spray some Krylon on rusted metal to make it new again. Any primer color from previous auto body repair will do nicely.) and hang the tire at an appropriate height.
    Go to your nearest creek bed and select a river stone. It should be about the size of McDonald's double cheeseburger. First, wash it off with soap and water. Then, have each grandchild write their name on the rock. Be sure to write the year in very large numbers across the top. Use white school glue to shellac the surface. Bonus points if you find a way to incorporate glitter.

See? Christmas doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. Just use your imagination and don't be timid about experimenting. Before you know it, you will have crossed through each name on your list with plenty of time to spare.

[DISCLAIMER - The author neither endorses nor takes any responsibility of any negative results of any reader actually attempting any of the above gifts. In other words, don't try this at home!]

Thanks for reading this article. I welcome all comments below. Good luck, and Happy Christmas!


Submit a Comment

  • Sharyn's Slant profile image

    Sharon Smith 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

    Thank you for the fun and laughs. I actually do the 7-Eleven thing (for myself) except I use Speedway. Love your humor . . .


  • Jools99 profile image

    Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

    Loved this, laughed my head off; I hope someone buys me the chimes and the festive plectrums (guitar picks) for Christmas - cheapskate festivities, I love 'em! Voted up.

  • katedonavon profile image

    katedonavon 5 years ago

    Tee hee. Voted up and funny although I did shudder at the rusty chains on the tire swing!

  • jbrock2041 profile image

    jbrock2041 5 years ago from Park City, UT

    This article made us laugh. But it's also good to think about sometimes it is the thought that really counts more than the gift.