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Twas the Night Before Christmas Humor

Updated on November 22, 2010

Holiday Fun

Twas the night before Christmas and to my surprise

You kissed me again passionately then looked deeply into my eyes

The spark had returned

What was lost was always there

You had a funny way of upsetting me

Then showing me how you care

You turned on the most romantic music

Then you massaged my feet

I went to change into my lingerie

When I returned you were asleep

I was gone all but five minutes

Had my heart set on a candle light night

Like the ones we used to have

When you were anxious to give it to me right

So I thought maybe you were tired

And I’d just let you sleep

Then I was laying there next to you

Feeling like a cat in heat

I sprung from the bed ten minutes later

Rushed to get me a cold drink

Then you came up behind me UN announced

What was in your hand fell down the sink

You said you were trying to surprise me

Playing sleep you could no more

Now a $3000 dollar ring was down the drain

We busted the pipe got water on the floor

But still couldn’t find the ring

And the kitchen was a real mess

Since we were wet you wanted to make love on the floor

I wanted the ring but was like “I guess”

While we were rolling around

Getting all hot and sweaty

An old man in a red suit was watching

While eating our spaghetti

We were both in such shock

Screaming how did you get in here?

The old man said we were out of cookies

And that he made reservations earlier in the year

The old man said no need to feel embarrassed

People get surprises throughout life

He could see we were being naughty

But that you planned on making me your wife

He said he’d much prefer cookies

But the spaghetti was okay

Then he handed you my ring

And up the chimney went away

We both thought we were high

Standing there in the nude

But we could hear the old man shouting

Next time cover up don’t be so rude

You gave me my ring you said your speech, I accepted

We went at it once again

It was even hotter and sweatier

Than it had first been

Maybe it was the thought

Of the old man standing there

Watching you take me in many ways

While eating spaghetti in his eyes a glare

I don’t know, It’s just something I put together to be playful for the holidays as I thought I’d try my hand at story telling along with poetry once again. It didn’t take long and I came up with it as I went along which is why it’s not as lengthy but I’m always open to suggestions of adding more to this. I am wishing you all a wonderful “Thanksgiving and Christmas Holiday’ in advance. Get your Christmas shopping done early to avoid the crowds and get all the good Christmas savings online to avoid last minute stress.


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