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Valentine's Day; Survival Guide for Women - Spread Love, Not Stress

Updated on June 29, 2013

Love is in the air...

In a time when the world is filled with violence, anger, hate and fear, Valentine’s Day is much needed and we should all take time to exaggerate its importance this year. Let’s just spread the love around and over-indulge on any love that comes our way.

Where'd Valentine's Day Come From?

The history of Valentine’s Day has never been clear to me; does it originate from the Christian realm, Ancient Roman’s or is it just a Pagan Celebration? Depending on where you seek information, chances are you will find a variety of answers. I say; “What difference does it really make?”

Tips for the Ladies...

Valentine’s Day is at the least an excuse to give a little more love and hopefully receive some too. But, buyers beware; and ladies, I’m talking to you. Yes, we get all caught up in the moment, the hope of some romance, attention and a little extra affection. Unfortunately, when that special someone in our life doesn’t live out the fantasy that we were hoping for, we end up disappointed and not only do we feel worse than we would’ve on an ordinary day, but chances are we’re going to frustrate that someone special. So tip one; don’t give clues and hints that Valentine’s Day is coming or what we may want. (At least if you do, don’t make them obvious. When we put all kinds of attention into trying to create an ideal situation and our partner doesn’t catch on, we tend to get mad at him and disappointed besides. Remember; it’s not his fault. Men aren’t wired like us. We want to be treated special on our birthdays, on mother’s day, anniversaries, or any other date we can try to connect some importance to. These are just days on the calendar to men and while they might be madly in love doesn’t mean they’re going to rearrange their schedule to show us how special they think we are. Tip two; Let it go, the smaller our expectations, the smaller the disappointment and we increase the likelihood that we may be pleasantly surprised. Tip three; do NOT expect to receive what you give. We are great at getting all cheesy and making homemade Valentine’s Cards for our lovers; doilies and cutting and pasting. We will prep a little more and put on some red clothes, maybe buy something sexy. We’ll turn down the lights and make a special meal. We’ll bat our eyelashes and expect our men to whisk us away like something out of a romance novel. Chances are, it is not gonna happen. If we choose to put that much time and energy into acknowledging our loved one, that is our choice and it should be because we want to give, not because of what we want in return. Therefore, we cannot allow ourselves to be hurt when we do not receive what we have given. Tip four; whatever he does is good enough and we need to make him think it’s great. Trust me. Men can be a little like kids; they do better with positive reinforcements. If we whine and cry and complain because they didn’t do enough or make a big deal, it isn’t going to teach them a lesson or show them the err of their ways. However, if we make a big huge deal that he picked up a card at the gas station on the way home, he will feel proud of himself and perhaps try to top himself next time around.

Killing the Mood...

It Can Be a Special Day...So Let it


Valentine’s Day is a bonus, it’s an extra. It can either be the same day as any other or it can be better. There is no point in making it a worse day or a sadder day because we have set ourselves up to fail. Don’t exhaust yourself in an attempt to create a day that you are spoiled. If you have that much energy than exhaust yourself in an attempt to be the one doing the spoiling. Don’t expect the unexpected; you get what you get and don’t throw a fit, in fact, appreciate it. Just enjoy the day, let it be a good day for both people involved. Let me know how you make out.


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    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Okay, Colin, fine... you can take the dress off :-) ... and I love to play girly, so I will wear a dress for you anytime! ;-)

      Oh Colin... so sweet and funny you are and you are my muse every day!

      Did you pull the strings on your moon because I looked up into the sky this very moment and the cheshire cat is looking at me... I swear this to you Colin... something about our cat connection, no one can deny! :-)

      Give that Tiffy and Gabriel big ol' hugs and smooches from the only Cat who is willing to share you with them! Now... you must turn on the lovely music, sip something tasty and relax the night away!

      Your Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      .....I'd prefer for you to wear the dress, lol, but I would wear a dress for you most definitely, lol, although I would like to address you as my muse in my new piece

      Your curves were made for driving.

      and another one too -

      The ageless wonder of love.

      Just returned from a lovely walk along the solitude of my beach with the new moon over the lake (can you see it?)

      and with my mum's cat Tiffy following me

      love and hugs from your 3 Canadians T and G and C

      lake erie time 9:35pm

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Ooh a mango smoothie... your taste is eclectic in all areas isn't it... you have no restrictions! :-)

      That is why the sun shines for you dear! :-) If I close my eyes tight enough, perhaps I will be able to envision the same... well you of course... something about you in a sheer dress and the sun lighting through it that just gets me every time! :-)

      You're the best Colin!

      Hugs from you Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ...I am having a nice mango smoothie right now Cat after cutting my front grass for the 2nd time in this fast growing season and I felt pretty good doing it but of course I had a mental picture in my mind to inspire me - you see, you were walking in front of me in one of your sheer summer dresses and the sun was just catching you the right way and well I guess you get the picture, lol, and the song was - Lucky old sun (and Colin too) lol lol

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh Colin, you don't know how happy I am to see your face :-) It's funny, I was talking to my daughter about Uncle Colin just yesterday and sharing one of your poems and then I spoke about you with my son with all the hours we had to kill, today in the ER. I thought of you and how you just spent your day in the ER, I'm glad my boys are both home, happy and healthy :-)

      What do you mean "might as well"? ... you're going to be celebrating your birthday 40 years from now yet! :-)

      Let me know how you make out and you know that I'll be thinking of you and keep you in my heart, my head and my prayers. I know you can't tell someone to stop stressing, ...but STOP! :-) I say that with love, try to relax the best you can, knowing you have 3 cats that cherish you and an entire HP world!

      Thanks Colin... my not so hot day has just gotten brighter! You are very dear to me Colin... please don't forget it!

      I'll take those big hugs and I'll pass them around too and we're all sending one back for you and your kitties!

      Your Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Here I am my dear Cat to hold your hand and give you and your dear son a big Canadian hug and welcome back home - this has been a rough week for your 'boys' Cat - first, your adopted 'boy' goes into ER on Monday and now your beloved flesh and blood - your magnificent son.

      I am so sorry about this for you Cat and your little man -please know I am here for you -okay.

      I got my heart monitor taken off today and they gave me an ultra sound for my heart. The doctor told me over the phone that my blood work is good and on Friday I will see him for my results on all of these heart x-rays and a doctor's note to take the rest of the week off - might as well live to see my birthday on the 19th. I am still a bit stressed out but physically a lot better.

      Now I want to see your son do well more than anything because he has the greatest mum in the world and I have the greatest friend in the world.

      love and hugs to you and your family from Colin and his furried kin who are both outside enjoying their summer holidays at lake erie time 4:35pm

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Well I've got my work cut out for me don't I dearest Colin, wow... you will make for a busy girl this evening... I might even have to catch a movie thanks to your recommendations! I will check them out and let you know what I think... I have to tell you, I'm quite easy to please as my ears were built very unbias, but I'm thinking something will touch me just right... just like you do ;-)

      Enjoy that game and I will check out my music! Thanks Col!

      Love ya,

      Your Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ....I just caught that 'kiss' against my screen here - and it had the same affect on me as 'catnip' , lol lol

      I love a lot of soundtrack music - I am a big fan of John Barry and my favorite soundtrack and it's such a romantic movie too is Somewhere in Time which starred the late Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour.

      I also love the Barry Lyndon, A Clockwork Orange and Eyes Wide Shut films by Stanley Kubrick.

      The Requiem for a dream soundtrack is harrowing and intense and features the Kronos Quartet

      I adore the soundtrack from the Woody Allen film Manhattan

      and the soundtrack from Taxi Driver as scored by Bernard Hermann , his last one before he died (Hermann scored many of the Hitchcock films including Psycho)

      I love the soundtrack by Nino Rota from the Godfather and Nino Rota did many of the classic Federico Fellini films

      and I will leave you with a soundtrack to die for by the great Ennio Morricone - Once upon a time in the west - it plays and sounds like great opera.....

      Tell me if any of the other suggestions I made to you really stood out in your mind and I can work from there .....

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Dearest Colin,

      I'm sure you did humor all the ladies... and they probably called a special lady doctor in just for you! How can you not humor them all? You have a magnetic personality, you're so witty and you're such a charmer, without even trying :-)

      I'm glad you're back home and I'm sure you're kittens are glad to see you're okay! Yes, you enjoy that game and I'll be continuing to listen up to all the beautiful recommendations you've given me.

      Here's a kiss for good luck!

      Your Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ...now you've got me to the point of tears, my precious Cat, and thank you for your TLC and support and friendship too. I just had a nice supper as I did not eat all day not even a coffee in the morning so they certainly received a pure blood sample from me but your Colin humored and charmed all of the ladies - even the doctor was a lady but truth be told it's the last place I really wanted to be and laying on your back in a hospital bed is terrible but they were all really dedicated and attentive.

      Cats were happy to see me back home and as my mum used to say - Be it ever so humble there's no place like home - will check back with you after the game .

      lake erie time 6:25pm

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh Colin, I'm so sorry. I hope you're feeling better. You've gotta get that damn blood pressure down, I'm not kidding. I don't know if it usually runs high and you take meds for it, but I pray you get it tended to and if you're stressing and that's part of the problem, let me know what I can do to help. Try to relax and just soak up the love that everyone has for you. I'm going to be worried about you now, even more than I already do. Listen, you're a gem Colin, I just don't know what I'd do with out you... and here come the tears :-(

      You are such a wonderful guy... I think of you often and I will drop to my knees and pray for you dear. Hang in there and enjoy the game. If you need anything, you know where I am.

      Big Hugs and Kisses and a Rub on the Back from you biggest fan and true friend!

      Your Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      I've spent most of the day in ER, my dear cat, with some chest and left arm/hand discomfort and my blood pressure is way way up. So they hooked me up to an IV, did blood work and x-rays and a very thorough examination. I just arrived home now at 5:30pm thank god - I felt like ET - I just wanted to go home and see my cats. I have more prescription drugs to take now and I am wearing a heart monitor and must go back on Wednesday for more x-rays. I will miss work for most of this week because all of this but the good news is I don't feel any worse and I will be able to see the 7th and deciding game tonight between Toronto and Boston. Naturally I thought of you today Cat and you get me throught it.

      Big hugs and TLC from C and G and T at lake erie time 5:33pm

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Yes!!! That's actually what I was hoping to hear... and truthfully, that's what I picture when I close my eyes :-)

      Wooo hooo Maple Leafs... see, I knew it was going to be a good night!!!

      Thank you for giving me something to take to bed with me Colin... I hope you know how much I simply adore you? I'd say God broke the mold when he made you, but of course, with an Alaskan Pipeline-like... well shit happens lol.

      You're too funny and I've had the YouTube playing most of the day and I must say... you have a helluva selection my dear!

      I've giving you as big of a hug as I can without breaking your big manly frame! Give the kittens a tender kiss though.

      Your biggest fan,

      Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ....no actually I go 'commando' underneath, lol

      but you were my good luck charm 'cos the Leafs won 2-1 and force a final and deciding game 7

      which reminds me of the story about God and the creation of the world:

      Do you know what He rested on the 7 day?

      After making you Cat He really wondered if He could ever perfect another work of art like you?

      lake erie time 10:38pm

      and listening to the Doors live with a victory beer and guess what ?

      Jim Morrison being the lush he is - wants a sip.

      By the way The Doors were a really great blues band - check out 'Been down so long' from Detroit live Bright Midnight/Live in America cd

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Lol!!!

      30 minutes now! Yes, your nun's habit... and your speedo I presume ;-)

      Whatever it takes my dear, whatever it takes... all in the name of the game! :-)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      .....it is a poor thing but it's also a happy thing ......lol lol ...

      35 minutes to countdown to the Leaf playoff game and I am wearing my nun's habit for good luck ......don't ask.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Hahahaha... you poor thing... no wonder why your "down" from time to time... what a heavy load you must carry. :-)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ...yes I spend most of my day with my forehead leaning towards the ground but from 20 feet away ....lol

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      You must have some serious back problems... well that Alaskan Pipeline-like... gift of yours! I certainly hope you're okay!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ...and then I got out of bed to do my duty and I tripped ......and it wasn't over my own feet neither, lol.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      hahaha, that was no accident! :-)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ....expect a knock on your back door anytime now, I know where you live. lol lol

      And little devil? That reminds me of my old girlfriend Christine who was laying in bed one time and took one look at me and said "Hey Cheezie make yourself useful and go and grab me another beer."

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh you little devil you ;-) ... nowhere near as lucky as that speedo of yours... how you comin' on those pictures? :-)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ....and they must be the luckiest skirts and tank tops in the world too!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh Dear Colin, thank you, that is so sweet! I particularly loved this one's playfulness; I will most definitely share and pass along the hugs and kisses.

      I know... I'm not a very happy camper! I turned my heat on last night and though, I wasn't sportin' a speedo like your fine self, I was in skirts and tank tops last week. The giveth and then they taketh away :-(

      Warm, sunny days are coming my friend, so don't bury that speedo too deep! I'm sorry to hear about your nipples... try rubbing them for a moment... that should help :-)

      Oh that sounds swimmingly... if only you had room for two... and your words could carry me through the air to your night in heaven!

      You're a gem Colin!!! Thank you for giving me a WONDERFUL present today!!!

      Big hugs and kisses from your biggest fan!!!

      Your Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      I have a Mother's day homework assignment for you my dear Cat - please read a piece I wrote about a week ago called The Alphabet of anarchy to your daughter and give her a big kiss and a hug from Uncle Colin and his little furried sister and brother T and G.

      Today the heat came back on and I had to re-pack my speedo back into a box of moth balls, lol, and it's so cold even my nipples are hard. lol

      Have a wonderful Sunday and yes I will brave a walk and call out my dog sled.

      Big hugs and on my bended knees bowing to you,

      Mister C

      lake erie time 1:10pm

      watching the Leaf game tonight so you will be a hockey widow again but I promise chocolate covered strawberries, champagne, and the two of us in the hot tub of my mind ....after the game, win or lose - 'cos I always win with you

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Dearest Colin,

      My Mother's Day will be primarily comprised of YouTube research! :-)

      Thank you for an always eclectic list of musical wonders! I hope you have a wonderful day my dear!!!

      Big hugs and kisses to you and your felines!

      Your Cat

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ..yeah and 'cos I've had another beer - lol, please check out one of the most perfect pop songs of all time by the La's - There she goes - and the Mannish Boy version by Muddy Waters from Martin Scorcese's The Last Waltz starring The Band

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      WOAH, faster than a speeding bullet... it's a bird, it's a plane... no it's my Epigramman! :-) You even swear funny! Gotta love ya... and yet another musical selection to check out. You make for a busy mornin'! :-)

      Goodnight dear! :-)

      Cat

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh dearest Colin, I was just about to sign off, as it is almost 4:00 in the morn' but I'm so glad I caught you... catching me. Perhaps I am overtired, but your speaking of your mother is making me want to cry. I'm happy for you that you had such a wonderful mother that created memories for you to remember her by! :-)

      You are too good to me dear and life with you is Valentine's Day every day! Thank you for the sweet compliment and wishing me a happy Mother's Day... it means a lot!

      "He Stopped Loving Her Today" makes me cry every time I listen to it, maybe even more now that he's gone! :-(

      I must find my way to my mattress before I sleep awkwardly in my computer chair again... but I will certainly check out your wonderful selection as you have yet to lead me astray :-)

      Thanks for stopping by Colin, you will officially be the last thing on my mind before I sleep, and no doubt hogging up my dreams as well! I hope all is well with you and you must know that you are in my heart and prayers each and every day!

      Tell the kitties this Cat says hello and keep up the good work!

      Your Cat

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      epigramman 4 years ago

      ..back to tell you that I am listening to the White Stripes featuring guitar god Jack White 'mother-fookin' loud - even his hometown of Detroit can hear it. I love the blues (music) and Jack's got that mojo down pat.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      There is not a day that goes by my dear Cat I don't feel Valentine's day and being with you here at the Hub is one of the same.

      A very sincere Happy Mother's Day as well my sweet friend to one of the greatest mum of modern times and I know all about mums because 'she' was my best friend and I have missed her since 2004.

      I overslept late last night but just woke up again at 3:31am to have a beer that I missed before bedtime and I am listening to the legendary George Jones and just went outside and oh my what a clear starry sky it is over the lake and I can see the lights of your country across the way including your 'smile' ......

      Sending you a royal Canadian high five from 2 hands and 4 paws ..... and in a little while back to bed but one more beer and one more beautiful cd - may I recommend to you the Buckleys - father and son - Tim and Jeff, please check them out on You Tube and one of my favorites Leonard Cohen of course, If it be your will, Sisters of Mercy, Everybody knows and Dance me to the end of love - and did I ever mention Timi Yuro, man that gal's got soul and if you like reggae please check out my man Toots and the Maytals featuring Toots Hibbert

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Oh Colin, is it too early to say I love you? ;-)

      I haven't had a bad day since you've come into my life. I don't know how you do what you do but don't stop doin' it.

      ...and I'll gladly take those warm wishes; I'm stuck with a chilly rainy day in Upstate New York.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      I arrived here my Cat of daily miracles to lose myself in your deep blue eyes and to just say that I don't need St. Valentine's day to say that - for you are truly a 366 day kind of woman (everyone else gets their 365 but you deserve one day extra with a lucky guy like me. Ole!!!!!!

      Sending to you my warmest wishes from Colin and his felines of fur at lake erie time 1:05pm