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When You Have Been Partying And Then Pulled Over By The Cops, These Are 12 Things NOT To Say To The Officer

Updated on May 7, 2013

Yes, there he is. The police officer

waiting to stop you from hurting yourself and someone else when you've been partying too hearty.
waiting to stop you from hurting yourself and someone else when you've been partying too hearty. | Source


Too drunk to drive.
Too drunk to drive. | Source
Out on the town with friends and drinks.
Out on the town with friends and drinks. | Source
"Partying" with friends in a moving vehicle.
"Partying" with friends in a moving vehicle. | Source
Acting suspicious in front of a police officer.
Acting suspicious in front of a police officer. | Source
Busted! Public intoxication.
Busted! Public intoxication. | Source
Acting up in public.
Acting up in public. | Source
Being foolish enough to try to drink and drive.
Being foolish enough to try to drink and drive. | Source
Seriously? | Source
Not able to touch your nose with eyes closed.
Not able to touch your nose with eyes closed. | Source
The proverbial "walk the straight line" test.
The proverbial "walk the straight line" test. | Source

One day out of the blue, it might happen to you. I pray that it doesn’t, but even the best of us will be pulled-over by a city policeman or a state trooper.

It’s part of their job to perform this uneasy task. I truly believe that the police officer of 2013 is more sensitive, understanding, and lenient than his predecessors of yesteryear.

But still, many times it’s the police officer who gets the “short end of the stick,” when he pulls over motorist to inform them that their car has a missing tag, a broken taillight or even a puff of smoke coming from inside the automobile.

I know this. I wouldn’t be a police officer for love or money. No job, no matter how much the pay, is worth all of the harsh talk that police and state troopers receive on a daily basis.

Police are not the bad guys. Just read the wording on their cruisers, “to protect and serve.” Have you ever stopped to give this police slogan some honest meditation?

Even with the dangers, threats and violent offenders, the police are not to be feared as “monsters,” but men and women who are there for our benefit.

But “that” one day, that one incident is coming. “That” moment when you look in your rearview mirror and there it is. A flashing blue light. And it’s coming toward your car. Oh yeah, you are guilty of some infraction, otherwise the blue light and car underneath would whiz by you like a speeding bullet.

The next twenty-seconds in this event that is unfolding is the most-crucial of all the moments that will follow in you being “pulled-over.”

Now stop and think am I right or not? What you do or say, or rather what you do “not” say in those highly-important twenty seconds may mean the difference in you getting a ticket or just a friendly warning and some free advice from the officer who stopped you.

So read what I am offering to you below at no charge. Free. No strings attached. No hidden agenda. Just some free advice that may prove beneficial to you on “that” one day that sneaks up on you like a hungry lioness (with cubs to be fed) in the jungle.

I call this story, “12 Things Not To Say When You Have Been Partying And Pulled Over By The Police,” but before I give you the twelve important things “not” to let come out of your mouth when talking to the policeman or woman, let me establish some things to set the scene.

This incident will probably happen on day when your day has been “the” roughest day of all days at your job.

You are irritable at some coworker for getting a raise that you deserved. Or maybe you’re upset at your manager for giving that coworker the raise.

Maybe your wife called you just as a highly-important office meeting was starting to remind you to stop on the way home from work to pick-up some bologna she needed for making sandwiches for your dinner.

You hate bologna. You’ve told her this over and over in your 22-year marriage to her. She doesn’t seem to “get it.” You are not a “bologna man.” You are a “meatloaf man,” who also loves boiled Irish potatoes and garlic bread to go with his meatloaf.

At any rate, and for whatever reason, you are ill, upset and pray that you never have a day like this again.

You are so distracted by your anger that you do not, and for a few moments, see the obvious that is about to happen to you.

Hey, don’t be alarmed. “This” special type of event will happen to most of us at one time or the other, and when it happens to you, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.

It’s just a part of life that makes life so mysterious and unexplainable.

Okay. There you are whizzing toward home and to a safe haven of relaxation. No job worries. No coworker getting preferential treatment worries. Just you, your bottle of cold brew, the Florsheim's off, feet up and television set to ESPN and SportsCenter.

But out of the blue (no pun intended. Really) comes a flashing blue light directly behind you.

What do you do now?

Okay. First, do not panic. Second, calmly and very carefully pull your automobile off of the highway onto the side of the road.

Next, turn off the automobile engine. Stay perfectly still. But have your driver’s license, registration and proof of insurance handy for the next human voice you hear will be that of the officer who has “blue-lighted” you.

Now take at least four deep breaths and let each one out slowly. Feel that? That is your body and mind relaxing. This is how you need to be. Relaxed. Police officers get suspicious fast when they see a man or woman behind the wheel “sweating bullets,” and squirming around like a worm on the pavement in mid-July. Relax. This just might be nothing more than a routine traffic stop.

“Sir, I need your driver’s license, registration and proof of insurance,” the police officer says in a courteous voice.

See? I told you. Good thing that you took my advice and had these documents at your fingertips. Police officers like organization because they too are people with families and this officer who has stopped you just might be doing this to point out that you have a tag light that is out, or some other menial problem.

You sit for seems like an hour while the courteous police officer sits in his patrol car and runs your license, registration and proof of insurance through the data base back at headquarters.

This is no Jack Webb and Harry Morgan in Dragnet, buddy. This is real life at play.

Do not sweat or be seen as impatient. Police officers view this is you have something to hide. And you don’t, right?

Now is the moment of truth. You let go a small sigh of relief as you see the police officer wearing aviator sunglasses (like Tom Cruise, “Maverick,” in Top Gun), walk slowly back to your car.

“Sir, I’m going to need you to step out of you car for me, please,” the police officer says in a mild toned voice.

Uh, oh, you think. Do not panic. It still could be just routine. You didn’t have that “five o-clock” drink with the staff at work this evening. Thank God. So the scent of alcohol will not be on your breath or in your system.

See there? And you were scared as an Arizona jack rabbit being chased by a hungry coyote.

Why is it that we as a society “fear” the police? That question really didn’t have any relevance to this story. I just felt that I needed to ask it at this point.

Now is “the” moment of truth I was talking about. In the next few crucial moments you have the choice of saying something completely stupid or nothing at all.

Here’s a hint. Say nothing at all.

But in case you didn’t read my clue about keeping your mouth shut, here is an important list I call, “12 Things NOT To Say When You Have Been Partying And Pulled Over By The Police,” and I think if you will stick to this list, you will not see the inside of any jailhouse any time soon.

1.) “Officer, please don’t search my trunk for I have all of my whiskey and beer stacked by brand-name.

2.) “Would it be okay to take a nap before I answer any of your questions?”

3.) “Have you got a hot daughter still living at home?”

4.) “So you didn’t make detective, just a common state trooper.”

5.) “Officer, can you smell beer on my breath?”

6.) “Sir, are my eyes glazed over? I hear that when you smoke “dope,” your pupils dilatate.”

7.) “Mister officer, don’t look at that Baggie in my floorboard. It contains grass shavings from last Saturday when I cut my grass.”

8.) “May I shoot your revolver. Just once? Please?”

9.) “Sir, want to race me on foot to that red light?”

10.) “What? Where are my clothes?”

11.) “Yes, sir. Those beer bottles are, uhhh, empties. I know. I drank them coming down the road just now.”

12.) “122? I didn’t know that this ol’ jalopy would do 122!”

In all sincerity, two things I hope will happen to those who read this hub.

One, this piece will inspire them to stop all partying and then trying to operate a motor vehicle.

Two, they will have a desire to be a police officer to help control those who won’t stop the “party hearty” mindset.

Both are equally noble aspirations.

Yes, and there is another police officer

helping another person who has "crossed the line" of legal and illegal.
helping another person who has "crossed the line" of legal and illegal. | Source


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      @ writinglover,

      Even the short emperor bows when her broom, oops, jet lands. I can't figure this. Must be a custom.

      Tell Wonder Woman hello and be careful.

    • writinglover profile image


      5 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      @Kenny. North Korea? Somehow Lois being over there doesn't surprise me...

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear tamron,

      Gosh, how right you are. I'm like that also.

      That's one of the reasons I'm thankful that I don't drive anymore.

      Thanks, tamron, for your comments.

      You and your thoughts are appreciated.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Greetings, Fossillady,

      I wouldn't recommend anyone to drink and drive.

      Walk, bum a ride, ride a horse, I don't care. If you drink stay home. Don't kill yourself or someone else on the road.

      Simple. Plain.

      Come back whenever you have a minute.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Lol! Your little Japanese aunt reference gave me a giggle. Thanks. I might publish a No. 2, hub later with more tips.

      Thanks for your comments.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Howdy, mr-veg,

      My sincere thanks for your needed-input,

      You help me so much with your comments.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, cynthiaalburro,

      Thank you for your approval. That makes we feel good.

      Stop by anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, dear writinglover,

      Many thanks for your comments and liking this hub. I can see you as a petite daddy's girl. That was sweet. Love your comments.

      Superman says hi back to the "Brunette Bombshell," Wonder Woman and you too, writinglover.

      Lois is on assignment in North Korea.


    • tamron profile image


      5 years ago

      Cops make me nervous! Even if I'm not getting pulled over. So staying calm is out of the question!

      Great Hub

    • Fossillady profile image


      5 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

      Hi Kenneth the jokster . . . hee! It's the sign of the times, you are taking a chance of even a couple of beers then getting behind the wheel. My generation got away with so much. I was stopped when I was in my twenties and they made me do the touch the nose balance test and so on. Clearly, I had been drinking, but was able to perform all their tests and give an explanation why I swerved across the yellow line (that part is true, there was a branch in the road). Anyway, they let me go . . . these days it would never have ended that way. My son now is paying the price, higher insurance rates and so on. Voted + Hugs, Kathi

    • KathyH profile image


      5 years ago from Waukesha, Wisconsin

      Great sense of humor! :) How about "But officer, I have to pee soooo bad"... that one worked for my Aunt, she's a little Japanese lady. She is so CUTE, that's probably why she got away with it! :) I enjoyed reading this one! :)

    • mr-veg profile image


      5 years ago from Colorado United States

      Nice one Kenneth !! That's a awesome list of things not to do when you get caught :)

    • writinglover profile image


      5 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      Hi, Kenneth! Here's another one! "Please don't arrest me! I'm pregnant!" That one is from none other than Reese Weatherspoon who got arrested for disorderly conduct (and being drunk). Anyway, my dad is a retired police officer, so I know what he had to put up with. My sister got involved with the wrong crowd, so she always feared my dad when he was still serving on the force. I didn't fear him and mainly because I was too small to understand what dad truly did (and, admittedly, probably being daddy's girl kind of helped). Anyway, I liked this hub and so did Wonder Woman! Say hello to Superman for me! Voted up awesome!


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