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Yes, I’m THE Gay That Doesn’t Care About Halloween!

Updated on October 25, 2011
Corey Hart record cover to I Wear My Sunglasses At Night!
Corey Hart record cover to I Wear My Sunglasses At Night!
My brother dressed as "Zorro" and me as "Winnie The Pooh"
My brother dressed as "Zorro" and me as "Winnie The Pooh"
My MikWright card (comes in a coaster too) that reads, "morty, it's time to have a word with your son...again."
My MikWright card (comes in a coaster too) that reads, "morty, it's time to have a word with your son...again." | Source

If there’s only one gay out there in the world that doesn’t care about Halloween, it’s me. I can’t remember the last time I dressed up for Halloween but I know it was a long time ago. I remember the costumes from my childhood that were flammable jumpsuit affairs that you tied in the back by your neck and had a hard plastic mask that gave you no chance of seeing anything peripherally or breathing. Ah yes, those were the good old days. But as I watch my Facebook piling up with pics of friends (gay and straight) who think they’re imaginative and fabulous looking in theirhappy Halloween finery I have to say I’m happy it makes them happy but it’s not for me. Yes, I’m THE gay that doesn’t care about Halloween! – Don’t Get Me Started!

Maybe it’s the fact that next month I will have spent forty-seven years trying to be comfortable in my own skin that I have no desire to dress up or be someone else even for a day. I also think it may have something to do with the fact that I was in theatre for years so it was years of costumes and make-up, in other words, “been there, done that…a lot!” But for whatever the reason it just never really appealed to me once I could no longer get free candy or eat said candy because it would give me what I call, “bad fattitude.” Although there is many a photo of me in my mother’s clothes at an early age (see the MikWright card featuring me in said get up) dressing up did not continue to fascinate me much past the age of eight. Wait, I just remembered the last time I wore a costume for Halloween. I was in high school and a friend had a party. I carried around the paper jacket to the 45 record of Corey Hart’s “I wear my sunglasses at night” spiked my hair and wore my sunglasses at night. (If the Corey Hart reference didn’t age me, the 45 record reference definitely will!)

So while I try to be kind when my friends send me photos of themselves dressed up (or worse, their young children dressed up) I myself do not care to partake in the holiday. Although if the holiday really is about scaring people I can’t think of anything scarier than small children dressed like little whores trying to score candy like crack on the streets. Seriously, I don’t know why people think shows like Toddlers and Tiaras are so bad when you consider they allow their kids to dress up like sluts and assholes for Halloween. Oh stop, don’t try and defend it as “cute” that you dressed your 4 year old 2.5 children as Snooki and Pauly from Jersey Shore complete with the spray tan and wigs that were made with lead in China.

Still, it’s one of the most popular holidays of the year and if it lets people “fly their freak flag” (as we used to say) then they should go ahead and enjoy themselves. I’ll have the candy here should any kids arrive at our door. And while I appreciate that some kids don’t have the money for the store bought costumes (which aren’t all that great) the ones that I’ve seen in recent years lack shall we say, “imagination?” Oh I give them the candy all right but they also get my frank constructive criticism. “You call that a costume? Scrubs and crocs? You’re no nurse, you just look like your mother dressed up for a night on the town with that father of yours who has more motorcycle parts cluttering the garage than teeth in his head.” “Oooh, you really scared me! You’re a character from the Twilight movies, right? It scary to me too that these no talent kids in these movies are making millions for just looking sullen, which probably has to be created by the special effects people too.” “Oh stop, you are NOT a princess, you’re a small child who all ready knows you want to be Chaz Bono when you grow up but your mother thought this getup would help you get out of the phase of wearing your brother’s clothes. Go ahead and give your tiara to your brother dear, who is dressed up like a construction worker but your parents are too young to remember The Village People so what they don’t know is he’s really dressed like a gay iconic group member and he’s dying to wear your tiara!” Okay, so maybe this year I should just give the kids the gift of “dressing up” as the people who aren’t home, lights out and window treatments drawn. Happy Halloween!


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    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Ha Scott,

      Thanks for the laughs. I've never really been in to Halloween. For whatever reason, it still scares me. Hmmmmm, something must be hidden from my childhood.


    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Ha, ha. Voted up even though I still, occasionally love to get dressed up for Halloween. Last time I was Frida Kahlo but only one person knew who I was. Come to think of it, every time I get dressed up for Halloween, only one person knows who I am supposed to be. Baby Jane, Jerry Garcia, Cher circa 1967, and Andy Warhol. Not all at once, of course. Oh well.

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 6 years ago from Las Vegas

      Thanks everyone for commenting. I'm not opposed to Halloween, just not really for me. Still, I get why people are into it.

      Trust me, was on the phone last night with a few friends that told me my gay membership card is on the line for not being into Halloween!!!

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

      Ah, Scott, I still LOVE Halloween. I'm sorry it creeps you out. However, to each his/her own.

    • TheMoneyGuy profile image

      TheMoneyGuy 6 years ago from Pyote, TX

      Yep that about covers halloween :-) !!


    • cmahan profile image

      Chrystal Mahan 6 years ago from Michigan

      I remember my mom making all of my costumes when I was younger. In my early 20s, in those party college days, I think I may have dressed up. I am 36 now, and 3 years ago I started attending Halloween parties with my fiance and his friends, as well as his band always playing shows on that weekend. I don't really care about dressing up. I do it mostly for the fun of it, and for my soon to be step daughter. I'm still working on being comfortable in my own skin.

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 6 years ago

      Ahhhhhhhhh yes, Ms. Earth Angel is ba'humbug when it comes to the night of darkness as well! Used to love it as a child; I would do anything for chocolate! Almost! I have a dear girlfriend who spends the entire year planning for the special Hallo Event! It's lights out at my place; I send them all to her! Blessings of sweetness! Earth Angel!

    • profile image

      Arlene V. Poma 6 years ago

      My sweetie and I go see a movie and have a quiet dinner somewhere. The last thing we both need is the bags of candy in our home--only to give them away to strangers we don't even know. So it's off with the porch lights. We're ignoring the kiddies and their parents (if, they do decide to escort the children). We don't feel obligated to give candy out in the name of Halloween.

    • bassgodjimmy profile image

      bassgodjimmy 6 years ago from New Jersey

      ... My dad says the EXACT SAME THING!!

      How can you not care about Halloween??? Its awesome!

    • NotPC profile image

      NotPC 6 years ago

      I've never been much into Halloween myself... I think it's interesting how you consider your entire life up to this point to be one big Halloween