Yes, I’m THE Gay That Doesn’t Care About Halloween!
If there’s only one gay out there in the world that doesn’t care about Halloween, it’s me. I can’t remember the last time I dressed up for Halloween but I know it was a long time ago. I remember the costumes from my childhood that were flammable jumpsuit affairs that you tied in the back by your neck and had a hard plastic mask that gave you no chance of seeing anything peripherally or breathing. Ah yes, those were the good old days. But as I watch my Facebook piling up with pics of friends (gay and straight) who think they’re imaginative and fabulous looking in theirhappy Halloween finery I have to say I’m happy it makes them happy but it’s not for me. Yes, I’m THE gay that doesn’t care about Halloween! – Don’t Get Me Started!
Maybe it’s the fact that next month I will have spent forty-seven years trying to be comfortable in my own skin that I have no desire to dress up or be someone else even for a day. I also think it may have something to do with the fact that I was in theatre for years so it was years of costumes and make-up, in other words, “been there, done that…a lot!” But for whatever the reason it just never really appealed to me once I could no longer get free candy or eat said candy because it would give me what I call, “bad fattitude.” Although there is many a photo of me in my mother’s clothes at an early age (see the MikWright card featuring me in said get up) dressing up did not continue to fascinate me much past the age of eight. Wait, I just remembered the last time I wore a costume for Halloween. I was in high school and a friend had a party. I carried around the paper jacket to the 45 record of Corey Hart’s “I wear my sunglasses at night” spiked my hair and wore my sunglasses at night. (If the Corey Hart reference didn’t age me, the 45 record reference definitely will!)
So while I try to be kind when my friends send me photos of themselves dressed up (or worse, their young children dressed up) I myself do not care to partake in the holiday. Although if the holiday really is about scaring people I can’t think of anything scarier than small children dressed like little whores trying to score candy like crack on the streets. Seriously, I don’t know why people think shows like Toddlers and Tiaras are so bad when you consider they allow their kids to dress up like sluts and assholes for Halloween. Oh stop, don’t try and defend it as “cute” that you dressed your 4 year old 2.5 children as Snooki and Pauly from Jersey Shore complete with the spray tan and wigs that were made with lead in China.
Still, it’s one of the most popular holidays of the year and if it lets people “fly their freak flag” (as we used to say) then they should go ahead and enjoy themselves. I’ll have the candy here should any kids arrive at our door. And while I appreciate that some kids don’t have the money for the store bought costumes (which aren’t all that great) the ones that I’ve seen in recent years lack shall we say, “imagination?” Oh I give them the candy all right but they also get my frank constructive criticism. “You call that a costume? Scrubs and crocs? You’re no nurse, you just look like your mother dressed up for a night on the town with that father of yours who has more motorcycle parts cluttering the garage than teeth in his head.” “Oooh, you really scared me! You’re a character from the Twilight movies, right? It scary to me too that these no talent kids in these movies are making millions for just looking sullen, which probably has to be created by the special effects people too.” “Oh stop, you are NOT a princess, you’re a small child who all ready knows you want to be Chaz Bono when you grow up but your mother thought this getup would help you get out of the phase of wearing your brother’s clothes. Go ahead and give your tiara to your brother dear, who is dressed up like a construction worker but your parents are too young to remember The Village People so what they don’t know is he’s really dressed like a gay iconic group member and he’s dying to wear your tiara!” Okay, so maybe this year I should just give the kids the gift of “dressing up” as the people who aren’t home, lights out and window treatments drawn. Happy Halloween!
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- Some Like It Scott!
An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.