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Funny Night Before Christmas Poems

Updated on January 5, 2014

Funny versions of The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas

when all through the land

all the writers were busy trying their hand

at penning a poem that would certainly make

everyone laugh 'til their funny bones ached...

With apologies to Clement C. Moore, here are some funny "Night Before Christmas" parodies to get you laughing. If you don't laugh until your funny bone aches, you'll at least get a good smile from some of these alternate versions of the poem that have been shared across the web for others to enjoy.

(Image: Christmas hedgehog card available on Zazzle)

'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house

Children sat slack-jawed, bored on the couch.

Wrappings and toys littered the floor,

An incredible mess that I did abhor.

With Mom in her robe and I in my jeans,

We waded in to get the place clean.

When suddenly the doorbell: it started to clatter,

I sprang to the Security-View to check out the matter.

The new-fallen snow, now blackened with soot,

Was trampled and icy and treacherous to foot.

But suddenly in view, did I gasp and pant:

An unhappy bill collector and eight tiny accountants.

The door flew open and in they came,

Stern-looking men with bills in my name.

On Discover, on Visa, on American Express,

On Mastercard too, I sadly confess,

Right to my limits, then beyond my net worth,

Over the top I had charged, in a frenzy of mirth.

The black-suited men, so somber, so strict,

I wondered why me that they had first picked.

They stared at me with a look I couldn't miss,

That said "Buddy, when are you for paying for this?"

I shrugged my shoulders, but then I grew bolder,

Went to the cabinet and pulled out a folder.

"As you can see," I said with a smile,

"It's bankruptcy that I'll have to file!"

And with a swoop of my arm, my middle digit extended

I threw the bills in the fire: the matter had ended.

The scent of burnt ash came to my nose,

As up the chimney my credit-worthiness rose.

Without another word they turned and walked out,

Got into their limos, but one gave a shout:

"You may think that's the answer to all of your fears,

But it's nothing you'll charge for at least seven years!

- David Frank

(Images from Zazzle. Click an image to get product details.)

The REAL Night Before Christmas - Illustrated by Mary Engelbreit

The Night Before Christmas
The Night Before Christmas

Amazon: Engelbreit's visions of sugarplums translate to a busy-bright patchwork of checks, plaids, paisleys and chintzes in this oversize (11" x 11") volume. Her interpretation of Moore's poem features a cast of rambunctious elves who accompany an exceptionally jolly St. Nick as he leaves assorted old-fashioned candies and toys inside a home decorated in a spectrum of Engelbreit's trademark patterns and prints. Kids-and adult fans of the artist-will enjoy poring over the copious details.

 

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house

I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,

In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,

While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:

A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!

And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....

Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;

If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,

But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,

So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,

All over the carpet they were scattered about.

"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!

Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."

"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact

That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact

To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night

With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,

Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin

Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,

We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,

"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,

And not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set

For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,

Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...

I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!

(Images from Zazzle. Click an image to get product details.)

Twas the night before Catmas

When all through the house

Not an animal was stirring,

Not even the mouse.

The kitties were snuggled

And tucked in their beds,

While visions of cat goodies

Danced in their heads.

Their stockings were hung

By the cat bowls with care,

In hope that Father Catmas

Soon would be there.

Out on the rooftop

There arose such a hissing,

I knew Father Catmas

Was having trouble parking.

I jumped on the couch,

Stuck my nose to the curtain.

"Here he is!", I purred

"It is him, I'm certain."

What to my deep blue eyes

Should appear,

But Father Catmas himself

In his Cat-sled gear.

He purred and he purred,

But through the kitty door he went,

Then stopped and smelled the air

As he picked up a scent.

The cat cookies we left him

Were by the back door.

The kitties had baked them

Not an hour before.

He went about his work

With never a sigh,

Filling the stockings

With toys piled high.

He waved at me

With his mighty paw.

Although I was hiding,

'Twas my little nose he saw.

Out the kitty door he went

In oh such a rush,

Jumped on his cat-sled

And yelled out, "MUSH!"

The eight Maine Coon cat team

Were raring to go.

They hated 'stand stay',

Especially in the snow.

I could hear him hissing

As he disappeared that night,

"Merry Catmas to all!

OK team, turn rrrrright!"

(Images from Zazzle. Click an image to get product details.)


Christmas hedgehogs cards available on Zazzle

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town

No noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down,

No children in flannels were tucked into bed,

They all wore shorty pajamas instead.

To find wreaths of holly was not very hard

For holly wreaths grew in every yard.

In front of the houses were Daddies and Moms

Adorning the crotons and coconut palms.

The slumbering kiddies were dreaming with glee

That they would find waterskis under the tree.

They all knew that Santa was well on his way

In a red Thunderbird instead of a sleigh.

He whizzed up the highway and zoomed up the roads

In a snappy convertible peddling his loads.

As he jumped from the car he gave a deep chuckle

He was dressed in Bermudas with an ivy league buckle.

There weren't any chimneys, but that caused no gloom

For Santa came in through the Florida room.

He stopped at each house, stayed only a minute

As he emptied his bag of the toys that were in it.

Before he departed he treated himself

To a glass of Papaya juice left on the shelf;

Leaped into the car and put it in gear

And drove over bridges, singing with cheer.

But we heard him exclaim as he went on his way

"Merry Christmas, sunny Florida, Wish I could stay !"

(Images from Zazzle. Click an image to get product details.)

Twas the Night Before a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday - A politically correct version of "The Night Before Christmas"

Larry the Cable Guy reads this funny Night Before Christmas story that has been altered to be "politically correct."

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What's your favorite funny Night Before Christmas variation? - Share your opinion or just say hi

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    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Here is a great Twas the Night Before Christmas Parody about raising little kids lol...its hilarious! toddlerapocalypse.com/twas-the-night-before-christmas-parody/

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      hi

    • profile image

      candy47 4 years ago

      I was laughing all the way! Great lens.

    • John Dyhouse profile image

      John Dyhouse 4 years ago from UK

      I recognise one or two of these scenarios, lots of laughs, thanks

    • writerkath profile image

      writerkath 4 years ago

      I'm howling over Larry the Cable Guy's "non-demonational winter holiday" video! This is a WONDERFUL lens! Blessed for making me smile!

    • caketech profile image

      caketech 5 years ago

      The Night Before Christmas was one of my favorite books when I was two. It was read to me so many times I had it memorized. These variations are so funny! I needed a good laugh!

    • BuckHawkcenter profile image

      BuckHawkcenter 5 years ago

      Oh, too funny! Belly-laughed my way through the whole thing! Thanks for sharing this great gift of laughter. Merry Christmas to you!

    • pumpnut lm profile image

      pumpnut lm 6 years ago

      Very Funny! Made a couple myself about places I worked in.