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Funny Birthday Quotes and Gift Ideas

Updated on August 19, 2014

Birthday Fun at Your Fingertips ...

Do you need a funny birthday quote to make someone smile? Maybe a witty remark to include in a card? Or are you working on a scrapbook page and wishing for a bit of humorous inspiration? Whatever the case, you have came to the right place. We all love to laugh. and there is no better time than a celebration. Enjoy these birthday jokes and quotes, and add a dash of fun to growing a year older!

Funny Signs of Aging ...

"I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it's all a little bit lower." - Gypsy Rose Lee

"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left." - Jerry M. Wright

"Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it,

but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get." - Robbert Oustin

" When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not." - Mark Twain

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that

every new person you meet reminds you of someone else". ~ Ogden Nash

"Middle Age: When you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms."

~ Georges Clemenceau

Wise and Witty Birthday Sentiments ...

If things get better with age, then you are approaching magnificent!

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

I wouldn't say that you're old...

...you've just been young longer than most of us.

Birthdays are good for you.

Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

You're not old...

You're chronologically gifted.

Asked of a lady on her 104th birthday, "What is the best thing about turning 104?" Her reply: "No peer pressure!"

A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. "I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it's because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried." -Dorothea Kent

"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." - Bob Hope

How to Personalize Someone Else's Words ...

We can't all put our feelings into words like Mark Twain or Robert Frost. I think reading quotes give us those "ah ha" moments of "Yes, that's just what I want to say." When a quote captures your message, use it and add a personal touch. I love to do this by making my own cards. If you're limited by time or crafting ability, buy a pretty box of blank cards and print a quote typed on your computer, cut it out and insert it inside the card with double-sided tape. Going to that little bit of extra effort means so much and I think you'll find it saves you time and money, as opposed to making a trip to the store each time you need a birthday card.

Why Laugh?

"Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us." - Orison Swett Marden

Funny Birthday Between Men and Women ...

" The Best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once."

- H. V. Prochnow

I never forget my wife's birthday.It's usually the day after she reminds me about it.

"When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off."

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."

- Robert Frost

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

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Corny ( but still funny ) Birthday Jokes ...

"Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one?"

"No, they both burn shorter!"

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."

"Next time, take off the candles."

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

"Oh, I don't know", she said. "Just give me something with diamonds".

That's why I'm giving her a deck of playing cards.

"Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?

He wanted to have a birthday potty!"

Some Retro Birthday Fun ...

Birthday Books that Bring a Smile ...

Proverbs 17:22

A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.

Funny Birthday Lines Perfect for Scrapbooking and Card Making ...

You're not old, You're ripe! ( cute with fruit shapes and stickers )

You're not fifty yet. You're $49.95.

I'm not over the hill, I'm just reaching my peak!

Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

So many candles,

So little cake!

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

Make Me Smile and Say Hello ...

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    • profile image

      birthdaywishesquotes 4 years ago

      I like the idea I'm chronologically gifted. Great site!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      What's up? That's right, I forgot, the sky !!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I love these funny birthday quotes. Those "corn" cupcakes are funny!

    • CSBSEWS profile image

      Carolyn Bennett 5 years ago from Longview, Washington

      Brought a real smile to my face today. Thanks for the Fun!!

    • bharat01 profile image

      bharat01 5 years ago

      Hey you have made great collection of birthday quotes, love to read your lens, and thanks for making me laugh, Merry Christmas........:)

    • DIY Mary profile image

      DIY Mary 5 years ago

      Cute collection! I especially like the one about being "chronologically gifted."

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      those corn on a cupcake ... they look amazing! Saw some cool things on your lens, glad I browsed into ya! If you like to browse lens as I do, mine has a great educational topic with poll questions for my readers to enjoy.

    • OhMe profile image

      Nancy Tate Hellams 6 years ago from Pendleton, SC

      I was working on a card for my daughter in law and when I googled Birthday Quotes, this Squidoo showed up and I am glad it did. Thanks.

    • aliciamaggie54 profile image

      aliciamaggie54 6 years ago

      Thanks for the laugh. I like the one about never forgetting the wife's birthday.

    • BeaGabrielle1 profile image

      BeaGabrielle1 6 years ago

      I truly enjoyed reading your quotes!

    • profile image

      maikreynolds 6 years ago

      Really funny, can I add these quotes to my site http://FreeBirthdayMessages.com ?

    • RhondaAlbom profile image

      Rhonda Albom 6 years ago from New Zealand

      What a fun collection of quotes. Blessed by the humor angels. Please visit my humor angel lens and add it to which ever plexo list you think is most appropriate.

    • TreasuresBrenda profile image

      Treasures By Brenda 6 years ago from Canada

      Fun quotes; well done.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      You cracked me up... I have to come back. I love to laugh and love to share a good laugh with my friends, I have found several things I will be putting in some birthday cards for people who's birthdays are coming up soon!! Thank you so much.

    • Kiwisoutback profile image

      Kiwisoutback 6 years ago from Massachusetts

      You have to go with funny for birthdays. You probably won't remember as much of the serious stuff, buty the funny things, cards, gifts, etc? Those I remember. Great work, lensrolled to my funny birthday cards lens!

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Awesome lens! Laughter IS the best medicine!

    • MargoPArrowsmith profile image

      MargoPArrowsmith 6 years ago

      The corn on the cob cupcakes are too much, love them!

    • ZablonMukuba profile image

      ZablonMukuba 6 years ago

      this is a funny lens

    • jctatum profile image

      jctatum 6 years ago

      What a FUN page! Well done. Thanks for the lensrolling my Funny Songs. I've lensrolled you right back!

    • Mihaela Vrban profile image

      Mihaela Vrban 7 years ago from Croatia

      Excellent lens to make your day better! :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      ha ha lol whoever came up with all of these is dead funny

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      :)

    • SusanDeppner profile image

      Susan Deppner 7 years ago from Arkansas USA

      I love these funny birthday quotes! Thank you so much for featuring my Old As You Feel lens. I will definitely return the honor by featuring this lens on mine. Love it!

    • GonnaFly profile image

      Jeanette 7 years ago from Australia

      How delightful. I smiled all the way through this lens. Lensrolled to my birthday coloring pages.