Senior Citizens: How To Get The Gifts You Want
The Clever Senior Citizen Knows The Gifts They Want And How To Get Them!
Everyone knows that getting old is not for sissies, but with the right skill sets, you can make it work for you! Knowing what are the best gift ideas for the elderly, is important, yes! But, how the Clever Senior can manipulate the unwary young to do the their bidding, to get those gifts, is an ART.
Unfortunately, understanding how to use those skills is sadly lacking for too many seniors. UNTIL NOW! By the time you finish reading this you will WISH you were old like me! To be sure, Mother Nature strikes cruel blows to the older persons body and mind, every minute of every day.
Photo Courtesy Morguefile by Chilombiano.cgsociety.org
But this old woman laughs, LAUGHS at it! Because she has THE CLEVER SENIORS TOOLBOX! (And you, yes YOU non-senior, this is for you too! Not just because I want you to keep reading, but because if you are fortunate to grow old in life, you too will need to arm yourself with the Tools of Senior Happiness, and that day will come sooner than you think!) DON'T DELAY! READ BELOW QUICKLY BEFORE YOU FORGET WHAT YOU ARE DOING!The Art of Forgetfulness-It's A Gift!
One of the wondrous, and least appreciated, gifts old people have been given is what I call the Art Of Forgetfulness. This can take many forms, but the minute you recognize it's appearance in your life, look for ways to take advantage of it!
For example, I love to read and have many large over-flowing book cases and boxes of books around the house. Now, it used to be a problem feeding my insatiable need for new reading material. BUT NO MORE! I can read a book now that I just read a few months ago, and it's only vaguely familiar! Once I realized this, and the slight tremor of fear in my hands subsided, I found that if I line up my favorite books properly, I have a good years worth of "new" reading material!
Ca Ching!!
Now, if you want to stem the tide of forgetfulness, there are ways, and reading is one. Crossword and jigsaw puzzles are great tools as well. Puzzles seem to be hot for oldies. I know, I do them almost daily, and I don't know why.
There is also a great site called Luminosity that I can recommend, that gives you daily puzzle type exercises that are supposed to help your brain. I don't have the link for it, but you can copy-paste it into your browser. Copy-paste? Simply hold down your right finger...no, I think it's your left finger on your mouse and then...and then..oh, crap, just type it in your search box.
Movies, TV series? See above, works like a charm. Now, a caution here...some of you might find that the time span between viewing a movie or TV show, and your remembering it, has been reduced to a day or less. DO NOT BE ALARMED! It's just the way television and movies are made these days. They want people to easily forget them so they can get more residuals for the re-runs!
There are many more examples that I can't wait to share with you! (And I will, as soon as I can remember them)
The Clever Senior Style
You Know Them When You See Them
The Clever Senior citizen has that certain style that separates them from the pack.
Photo courtesy The Morguefile by ohsusana
The way they walk, even when assisted, or that twinkle in their eye that tells the world who they are, and that they have no fiber issues. They speak with authority, but never brag. Confident from experience, and that they are wearing super absorbent pads to deal with any unexpected accidents, they live life with a touch of flair. Kind, yet firm to those around them, the they can deal with all that life sends their way, because they use the Tool Box to guide them!
Clever Seniors In A Romance Novel!
Give Them A Gift They Will Remember!
Can you imagine starring in your own novel? Imagine the delight and fun the Oldsters in your life; parents, grandparents and friends will have getting a romance novel, and finding they are the main characters! You can customize the novel (choose from many) adding their names, and special things about them that will fit right into the story! What a hoot! The Clever Seniors really want this, let me tell you!
Check out the stories and type of books that you can personalize for them:
Peer Pressure: Dealing With Other Clever Senior Citizens
What was that again?
Clever Seniors know they have to deal with having asked the same question more than once in say, less than an hour, to the same person. This can be a sticky situation when that person is also a Clever Senior. How to get around it? Let's look at an imaginary conversation:
CS-1: Is American Idol on tonight?
CS-2: No, it's on tomorrow night. You just asked me that this morning, don't you remember?
CS-1: Yes, but when you told me, my phone started vibrating in my pocket and I didn't hear you.
CS-2: Oh, who called you?
CS-1: It was just a telemarketer, so I hung up...hey, is that rain outside?
See how easy that was? Ca Ching!
Senior Moments: Myth and Reality
You have often heard someone laugh about having a "Senior Moment". They will be with some friends, and say something like: "After I came home from the store, I put the jug of milk on the table by the door and my car key's in the refrigerator!" while laughing hysterically.
Actually, this is a Clever Senior practicing the Art of Muddle Head Humor. Your audience is WITH you, not feeling uncomfortable and hoping they don't have to ride in your car with you in the future! Now, if you don't want to do the favor of driving said person somewhere, just let your eyes slowly look up into the sky, like you can't remember what day it is, and mumble something about getting lost on your way home from the post office the other day.
Ca Ching!
Eating Right Put Into Perspective
A lot of attention has been made about Senior Citizens not eating right.
Now, the Clever Senior knows that this is just a ploy to get them to eat food they do not want to. It might even cause them to have to prepare a meal that takes longer than 15 minutes, which is a no-no.
There are 5 requirements in the Clever Seniors diet plan:
Cheap.
Quick.
Easy clean up.
Their pets will eat the leftovers.
You can get it fully prepared at a drive up window.
However, dining out on another persons tab is clearly the most favored way to get nutrition by the Clever Senior. When asked what they want for their birthday, holiday, etc., they always say something like: "Well, I'd love to get out of the house once in a while to eat, but I'm saving what little I have left each month towards a trip to the Vet for my little Muffin".
Nearly in tears at your sad situation, the gullible, good-hearted person will surely fork over at least one good gift card, maybe two.
Ca Ching!
Bonus Tool Box Tip:
For you Seniors who like to visit Indian Casino's to pass your time, don't forget to use the points they give you as a reward for losing your Social Security money. The points can buy meals in their Cafe!
Save Money and Reduce Household Chores!
The CS Tool Box Level 6
As one ages, cleaning the home can become a dread. Even simple chores like putting away clothes that you have jammed into the bathroom towel rack so tight you can't even get to a towel to dry your hands and you start calculating how much longer you can go before you have to put them in the clothes hamper...oh, wait, that was just me a few minutes ago.
The Clever Senior has tricks and tips in their Tool Box to deal with everyday situations like this, and household chores are no exception.
1. Floor cleaning. Perhaps the most important chore to do to keep family and friends from looking for a good assisted living situation for you! Do not ignore this! Get throw rugs that hide debris! It's a well known trick that certain decorative patterns fool the eye into not seeing leaves, bits of old food, etc among the patterns! (Don't forget to pick them up afterwards so you don't trip on them!) Vacuum when necessary, but make sure you have one that is lightweight and easy to whip around the rooms.
2. Window cleaning. Here is a tip to save on energy bills, and reduce the frequency of window washing. Get decorated window covers! Easy to put up and will awe your friends and family at your renewed sense of beauty and home decor!
3. Doing the Dishes. Everyone hates this, but the Clever Senior throws convention to the winds and eats off paper plates as often as they can. All other dishes and utensils go into the dishwasher, period. Potential bonus here! If you invite others over and serve them on paper plates, they might take you out to eat next time!
4. Company coming and no time or energy to vacuum? Whip out the handy hand vac and suck up those flies on the window sills and bits of this and that on the floors in the rooms they will walk in. Close all doors to rooms you don't want them to look into!
You Need To Get Out More!
So, you want to go to a ballgame, but won't or can't afford to pay for the tickets or want to sit shivering on a cold bench? No problemo for the Clever Senior! Getting what you want is a snap when you know how to do it, and have the long term plan in place. Here's how:
Months before the season of your favorite sport begins, make sure that whenever family or friends are with you, that you have the sports section of the paper in your lap, and ESPN on the television. Regardless of the conversation subject of your visitors, hold your hand up, and turn your head to the television. Reach for the remote to turn up the sound if they are talking about the sport you wish to attend. Make a comment like, "Dang, that So and So is a great player...I can't wait to see (your team) play him this year"! Be very excited about it, then quickly apologize for the interruption and turn the sound off.
Tactics like this will plant the seed of what to buy for you. If you already have tickets, say something like, "Dang! It's going to be tough on these old bones, watching the game on those cold hard seats, when we play them!". Out of the corner of your eye, watch the unwary mentally make a note about what gifts to buy for you. If you are blessed, and have utilized all the tools in your box, you might get a windfall!
Ca Ching!
Clive Cussler is a Very Clever Senior! - Juan Cabrillo, my Hero!
Many a Clever Senior yearns for adventure and the chance to Save The World from maniacal eco-terrorists, but we do have to face the facts: We don't have the funds for that kind of operation! But, we can read about them and enjoy it vicariously, and no author does it better than Clive Cussler. My favorite of his many books are in the Oregon Series. The action is fast and furious, and to add icing on the cake, the paragraphs are really short, which we Oldsters prefer!
These make great gifts for the Clever Seniors in your life, male or female. There is no sex and the violence against the bad guys is always deserved! I promise they will fall in love with Juan Cabrillo, his grand crew of men and women, and the great ship Oregon! I am reading the Clive Cussler Oregon series for the 2 time this year, and it's only March!
