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Types of Halloween Houses

Updated on February 13, 2015

It is no longer socially acceptable for me to go trick-or-treating, at least not until I have kids of my own. That doesn't mean I can't observe those around me and think fondly back to when I was just a wee lass going door to door in search of sugar heaven.

I'm taking a trip down memory lane. These are the Halloween types of houses I remember visiting when I lived in the suburbs.

Run of the Mill

In all likelihood, you yourself grew up in or now live in this type of house. There might be a paper skeleton hanging on the door and there will most likely be a a jack-o-lantern or two around the door or in the window. The candy will be anywhere from fine to good, either snack sized or fun sized. Skittles, Baby Ruth, Kit Kat, Snickers, etc.

The person giving out the candy might be a tyke in costume or an adult in a wig. The kids say their line, the adult says how cute everyone looks and puts a piece of candy in everyone's candy receptacles. Easy peasy.

Run of the Mill Candy House

Do you get your candy early so there is no last minute dash, or do you do it at the last minute so you don't accidentally eat all the candy and have to go out at the last minute anyway?

House of the Wishful Thinkers

The house is shut up tight as a drum. There is a card table set out on the porch with a large bowl and a sign that says, "Please take only one." That bowl had candy in it until the first kid without a parent came by. The only way this could possibly work is if the candy used is sub-par. It's good enough to take, because it's expected, but no one really wants it. Think Root Beer Barrels.

C- for effort.

Living in the Past

This portal will be manned by a sweet old lady who was born between 1908 and 1934. She never got the memo about the razor blades in the apples and still gives out home made treats that are often unwrapped.

Be nice to her. While it's true that your parents will make you throw out anything she gives you, there's a good chance you may end up with a nickel as well. The nickel is supposed to go to UNICEF, but since you didn't sign any sort of contract, you can go ahead and keep it.

The Creepy House

Lights go on and off but it seems like no one ever goes in or out. A shut in? A recluse? A witch? Rumors abound, but no one knows for sure. There is probably at least one house in your neighborhood that is surrounded by a sense of foreboding so strong that no one dares to even knock on the door.

They don't give out candy. Actually, they may. No one knows because everyone is too scared to ask.

The Dark House

I wanted to call this the Spoil Sport House, but everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. This house either won't or shouldn't have lights on. Whether they object to Halloween because of it's pagan origins, because it promotes tooth decay, or for some other reason. They don't play the game. Don't ring the doorbell; it's just a waste of time.

The Bait and Switch House

The less said about these people the better. Apparently, they don't understand that the point of Halloween is for the extreme sugar rush. It looks like a run of the mill house, but after you ring the bell, say your spiel and hold out your bad, you are in for a disappointment. Here are some of the things that you might receive at this house:

  • raisins

  • plastic crap

  • toothbrushes

I understand that they are trying to do the right thing by honoring the tradition of Halloween while not compromising their values, but they may as well put up a sign that says "Don't Bother."

Non Candy Options

Fine, I made fun of you above, but looking for things to list here, I found things I would have been kind of psyched to get as a kid (not the raisins).

  • Stamps are awesome. Boys love them. Girls love them. I love them. If you don't like these, search for "party favors" and there is a good chance you will find something you will feel okay about giving out.
  • Mini-Snack Raisins
  • Mini Dinosaurs (they come in a big tube, but you only have to give one per person)

Candy Jackpot House

It isn't a myth. I've seen it with my own two eyes. Though they are few and far between, some houses give out full sized candy bars.

Surely they know it's perfectly acceptable to toss in a fun sized pack of M&Ms, but they don't. Compulsive over achievers? A desperate need to be liked? Who cares! You've hit the Candy Jackpot!

Fairy Godmother of Halloweens

3 MUSKETEERS Chocolate Sharing Size Candy Bars 3.28-Ounce Bar 24-Count Box
3 MUSKETEERS Chocolate Sharing Size Candy Bars 3.28-Ounce Bar 24-Count Box

You can make the myth a legend. Become the candy czar.


Where Do You Fit In

Now that you've heard the description, which Halloween House do you have?

Which Halloween House Are You?

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