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Humorous Birthday Quotes

Updated on June 19, 2014
Humorous birthday quotes to give you a laugh, and some ideas for your next card
Humorous birthday quotes to give you a laugh, and some ideas for your next card

You have a friend or a loved one with a birthday coming up but you don’t want to go with a boring card from target, right? Well then you will need to find some humorous birthday quotes for a card or message that truly comes from the heart. These humorous birthday quotes are among the best you will find. If you can’t find a quote here that works for your birthday message, then you may have to buy that off-the-shelf card after all.

Here they are; 50 great (and humorous) birthday quotes…

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
- Chili Davis

2. You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
- John P. Grier

3. Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.

- Anonymous

4. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

- Father Larry Lorenzoni

5. Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

- Robert Frost

6. There is still no cure for the common birthday.

- John Glenn

7. Age is a number and mine is unlisted.'
- Anonymous

8. Inside every older person is a younger person, wondering what the hell happened.'
- Anonymous

9. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
- Satchel Paige

10. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Anonymous

11. I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.
- Steven Wright

12. You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
- Jerry Seinfeld

13. There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

14. I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- Mitch Hedberg

15. To me - old age is always ten years older than I am.
- John Burroughs

16. It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson

17. Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
- Mary Schmich

18. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- Steven Wright

19. To the nation's best kept secret; Your true age.

- Anonymous

20. Birthdays are like buggers, the more you have the harder it is to breath

- Anonymous

21. Your birthdays are so much fun, you should have one every year

- Anonymous

22. So many candles so little cake

- Anonymous

23. You know you are getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of it.

- Anonymous

24. You’re not getting older, you just one year closer to death

- Anonymous

25. Scientists have proven that birthdays are good for you, the more you have the longer you live.

- Anonymous

26. This is a part of the SIR group including SIRs 6621-6627. They are foundational SIRs and as a result, there is no direct NPV or IRR at this point.

- Anonymous

27. If I had remember to buy you a gift, you would have loved it!

- Anonymous

28. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

- Anonymous

29. Very Few women admit their age. Very few men act theirs

- Anonymous

30. I am just here for the cake and ice cream

- Anonymous

31. Just imagine the things you’d want to hear on your birthday and assume I said them. Happy B-Day

- Anonymous

32. Up to this point, this is the oldest I have ever been

- Anonymous

33. An old fart is just as good as a new one

- Anonymous

34. When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college

- Anonymous

This humorous birthday quote works for men too…

34(b). When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my wife to be so upset that she has to drop out of college

- Anonymous

35. "A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."

- Muhammad Ali

36. Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life
- Kitty Collins

37. "As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."

- Norman Wisdom

38. "Old age is not for sissies."

- Malcolm Forbes

39. "The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything."

- Oscar Wilde

40. "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

- Mark Twain

41. My golden words for your birthday
Smile while you still have teeth!

- Anonymous

42. May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.

- Anonymous

43. Being one year older is far superior to the alternative

- Anonymous

44. The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

- Anonymous

45. Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself

-Tom Wilson

46. Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

- Herbert Asquith

47. First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly

- Branch Rickey

48. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed

- Charles Schulz

49. If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

- Anonymous

50. Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

- Anonymous

Hopefully this list gives you some great ideas for humorous birthday quotes that you can add as a personal an funny touch to you next card. If you find that perfect quote for your friend or loved one, you can be sure they will get a great laugh.


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    • TolovajWordsmith profile image

      Tolovaj Publishing House 3 years ago from Ljubljana

      Good stuff and some surprisingly deep birthday quotes. I like several of them, but my favorite is the idea of un-birthday presents. I know I could live with that!

    • T. R. Brown profile image

      T. R. Brown 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Anytime! Thanks very much for reading.

    • flashmakeit profile image

      flashmakeit 5 years ago from usa

      Hahaha age is a number and that should be unlisted. Thanks for the laugh!