- Holidays and Celebrations»
- Birthdays & Celebrations
Humorous Birthday Quotes
You have a friend or a loved one with a birthday coming up but you don’t want to go with a boring card from target, right? Well then you will need to find some humorous birthday quotes for a card or message that truly comes from the heart. These humorous birthday quotes are among the best you will find. If you can’t find a quote here that works for your birthday message, then you may have to buy that off-the-shelf card after all.
Here they are; 50 great (and humorous) birthday quotes…
1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
- Chili Davis
2. You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
- John P. Grier
3. Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake.
4. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
- Father Larry Lorenzoni
5. Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
- Robert Frost
6. There is still no cure for the common birthday.
- John Glenn
7. Age is a number and mine is unlisted.'
8. Inside every older person is a younger person, wondering what the hell happened.'
9. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
- Satchel Paige
10. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
11. I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.
- Steven Wright
12. You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'
- Jerry Seinfeld
13. There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
14. I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- Mitch Hedberg
15. To me - old age is always ten years older than I am.
- John Burroughs
16. It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson
17. Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
- Mary Schmich
18. For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- Steven Wright
19. To the nation's best kept secret; Your true age.
20. Birthdays are like buggers, the more you have the harder it is to breath
21. Your birthdays are so much fun, you should have one every year
22. So many candles so little cake
23. You know you are getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of it.
24. You’re not getting older, you just one year closer to death
25. Scientists have proven that birthdays are good for you, the more you have the longer you live.
26. This is a part of the SIR group including SIRs 6621-6627. They are foundational SIRs and as a result, there is no direct NPV or IRR at this point.
27. If I had remember to buy you a gift, you would have loved it!
28. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
29. Very Few women admit their age. Very few men act theirs
30. I am just here for the cake and ice cream
31. Just imagine the things you’d want to hear on your birthday and assume I said them. Happy B-Day
32. Up to this point, this is the oldest I have ever been
33. An old fart is just as good as a new one
34. When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college
This humorous birthday quote works for men too…
34(b). When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui and I want my wife to be so upset that she has to drop out of college
35. "A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."
- Muhammad Ali
36. Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life
- Kitty Collins
37. "As you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two."
- Norman Wisdom
38. "Old age is not for sissies."
- Malcolm Forbes
39. "The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything."
- Oscar Wilde
40. "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
- Mark Twain
41. My golden words for your birthday
Smile while you still have teeth!
42. May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.
43. Being one year older is far superior to the alternative
44. The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
45. Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself
46. Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
- Herbert Asquith
47. First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly
- Branch Rickey
48. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed
- Charles Schulz
49. If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
50. Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
Hopefully this list gives you some great ideas for humorous birthday quotes that you can add as a personal an funny touch to you next card. If you find that perfect quote for your friend or loved one, you can be sure they will get a great laugh.