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Once You Get it up,You don't keep it up.

Updated on March 14, 2013

This isn’t just another piece of a piece of me writing a piece about some other guys

Who came and walked out of my life,after you'd gone,as quickly as a burglar running away from a break-in..

Or for whom I had to use a birth control pill,pantyhose ,high heels …No…

I’m here to deconstruct you,your notions,your norms,your cells of dirty mind,your adorned package of lies…

Yea hear what I say and I am sure as the sun rises east and sets west you read me correctly

You can’t expect me not to panic and fret and get schizophrenic every single moment when my emotional palette gets mixed and dizzy in a labyrinth of colors:

Reds turn to blacks which meet with yellows and greens in a ballet set to no rhythm.

You can’t expect me not to ascend the gale and unfurl my fingers to reach for your throat in my dreams

I must put my hands togther in prayer

To resist the temptation of the trigger to shoot my head

When my baby,

Our baby


Asks me about you:

Mom,why every night we have a different man from the day before ?

The inconstant only

The rude ones

The heavy muscles

The tattooed

Where is my dad?

The constant?

The permanent ?

The loving figure

The good one ever?

Is he tall?


Skinny tan?


Raven hair?


And many other questions

Each moment

Each hour

Each day

Stream on her tongue


And a challenge

To test my mind

My validation

In her eyes.

Do you remember

When I found you

You were like a chattering worm that roamed aimlessly

Seemingly without direction

Without shelter

Without love

I snatched you from misery

I guided you to the light

I provided you

Rivers until you choked

Until you couldn't take no more of my flow ,you gurgled

Spiting out waves sweeping me to a corner as a rivulet

To an unknown fathomless bowl running down.

But I made it up again

Against the tide

I followed you on my fours ,crawling

Until you dipped into a dense hedge

And your tiny light got swallowed

By the dark

I returned home

Desperately sullen

And broke the mirrors


And everything my hands reached.

My rage was high

Hard to contain

My vision blurry


Hard to ordain

Head with so many sounds filled

But one sound so dominant

Enough to mute all

Cropped up

Dragging a shadow onto the stage

Hindering the sun to kiss any atom of my being

I gave it time and space

And then my soul rested,

I realized

Only after I passed the ragged and sharp stones

The jagged and wooden sticks

Poking out from hidden spaces

Waiting my stumble:

You were just a floating cloud in summer’ s sky

Not a dream in midsummer’ s night

Or a tale in winter’s tales

Just a Shakespearean rug

I was,

On which ungrateful ignoramus men like you

Clean their dirty boots

And blame us for carrying the rotten apple,

Given to us from Eve.


This isn't a letter to judge for a leniency

Nor a ballet of longing

Cause I got nowhere to go

But rather ,a piece of me throwing a curse on you

Without lightening a sacred fire

Or stirring up a magic cauldron

Thank your lucky star

I don't ride broomsticks

Nor attend Hogwarts School .

I am not Harry Potter

Nor Circe

Nor an aborted breath caught in the air

Between the respiration

I am the voyeur to your self-prostitution,

The wrath,

The inciter of the great riotous revolution

Leaning into

Like a bird sticking neck out the cage.


Stretch the lips edges upward sky

They are elastic

So strong to be torn

Be not afraid,

Your mouth won' t be deformed

In a split second,

It will take ages till you lose all the wide whitening teeth like comb

And girls as well till

You shut down your valves

And become a fossil

The way is clear now,

Don't hide no more behind that cold repulsive mask

You can do it

You are born with that talent.

O’ fascinating glimmer of gold hidden in soot!

You already got my licence

A licence from

A silly woman


Besmirched by a fairy tale

Taken aback by a grief

This is what you are thinking of

Right now,

Right here,


Pretentious soul,


Your ,let s call it for awhile,love ,

That brought me to my knees

And made me sit on the brink of insanity

For its sake

I dropped a career just to be with you

A family just to have ours

A hymen just to show how much I loved you,

How much I trusted you,

How much ready to mingle I was

Maybe you are living now in a sassy apartment


With a girl

Bold enough to show all the next steps ,


And directions

Out the labyrinth of the broken rays

To the early long night of skin on skin pleasure ,

Or maybe now you are adorned in a choir robe. Curled into

A window seat and holding Loving Sex , skimming

The pages through your horn-rimed glasses. Looking

Out over a city of ants,in helter-kelter ,searching for true love.


Make a bonfire

Dance like a Zulu

When you get more higher on the cloud nine

Take sticks

And beat the drums

For me playing two roles so many years

Indeed successfully

Without using any gimmicks

Or any tricks


Fair and square

Until I fluffed the lines accidentally

And botched up the whole performance

How much I hate you now,

Not because of a foot in two camps was hard to operate

But because of being just a spark

Volatile, fleeting… Meaningless in your eyes

How much I want to make you drink from the same cup

And pay you pain double!

How much I want you dead to hang you in crystal frames

On the cement wall outside the door,

So whenever I pass by,I would spit on you,

Cast a pebble!

Just for our baby

I went out of myself

Into the north hills to bring bacon

and a piece of light home

Slowly I had to creep

step by step


On a thin ice

With careful thought

Making no sound

No moan

To raise her up good and happy.

Up she is now

If you wonder

If you still remember that I had a swollen belly

As a little lady,

Big apple now, of ten years old

Smart at school

Wild at home

She is


I must admit it

She needs you

Needs a man to pump the brakes

And drive to the safety

A man to bring life and light

To this dark rocky land

On which I am standing

Not for me

But for her

Cause I am done with you.

That day is still fresh in my mind

Its taste still bitter in my tongue

longs to speak and bleed on the dry white space

I remember looking into your eyes when

I announced to you the glad tidings of a great joy:

A life kicking in my embryo .

A look I’ll always remember,

So cold and void

Like a hail-shot rain

Piercing my vitals.

Your smile had faded by just a bit.

By just a bit ,you took half a step back.

Just Half a Step Back.. Suddenly!

Creating a space between us.

To get away from me,

From her

From all that we have shared

It hurt so much,

So much like a hell

Go to hell!

You are all the same

As others

Once you get it up,you don t keep it up.


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    • James-wolve profile imageAUTHOR

      Tijani Achamlal 

      5 years ago from Morocco

      You know the reason now.So keep it dark shhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttt lol joking

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      James i feel like you understand us women.. thankyou

    • James-wolve profile imageAUTHOR

      Tijani Achamlal 

      5 years ago from Morocco

      Of course Debbie.It is all of yours ;)

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Wow.. what thoughts. It is.from a womans point of view.. let me come back and read this again

    • James-wolve profile imageAUTHOR

      Tijani Achamlal 

      5 years ago from Morocco

      @ Lady_E.Thanks so much Elena for the visit and sweet words.I appreciate that so much.

      Peace surround you too.Wa alikom salaam:)

    • Lady_E profile image


      5 years ago from London, UK

      Holy Smoke!! That was interesting and intense to read. I didn't even move when reading it. I just scrolled down, my eyes didn't blink.

      You have a way with words. Your poems are powerful but this was extra - powerful, from the very depth of your heart.

      Peace surround you. Salaam... :-)

    • James-wolve profile imageAUTHOR

      Tijani Achamlal 

      5 years ago from Morocco

      Thanks for stopping by and commented here again.I appreciated your visit and your insight and sorry it took you time to read all that .Thanks for your time and patience.

      Many blessings to you.

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Wow , powerful , passionate , piercing ! No anger now I hope ! Awesome writing !.......Ed


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