Once You Get it up,You don't keep it up.
This isn’t just another piece of a piece of me writing a piece about some other guys
Who came and walked out of my life,after you'd gone,as quickly as a burglar running away from a break-in..
Or for whom I had to use a birth control pill,pantyhose ,high heels …No…
I’m here to deconstruct you,your notions,your norms,your cells of dirty mind,your adorned package of lies…
Yea ..you hear what I say and I am sure as the sun rises east and sets west you read me correctly
You can’t expect me not to panic and fret and get schizophrenic every single moment when my emotional palette gets mixed and dizzy in a labyrinth of colors:
Reds turn to blacks which meet with yellows and greens in a ballet set to no rhythm.
You can’t expect me not to ascend the gale and unfurl my fingers to reach for your throat in my dreams
I must put my hands togther in prayer
To resist the temptation of the trigger to shoot my head
When my baby,
Asks me about you:
Mom,why every night we have a different man from the day before ?
The inconstant only
The rude ones
The heavy muscles
Where is my dad?
The permanent ?
The loving figure
The good one ever?
Is he tall?
And many other questions
Stream on her tongue
And a challenge
To test my mind
In her eyes.
Do you remember
When I found you
You were like a chattering worm that roamed aimlessly
Seemingly without direction
I snatched you from misery
I guided you to the light
I provided you
Rivers until you choked
Until you couldn't take no more of my flow ,you gurgled
Spiting out waves sweeping me to a corner as a rivulet
To an unknown fathomless bowl running down.
But I made it up again
Against the tide
I followed you on my fours ,crawling
Until you dipped into a dense hedge
And your tiny light got swallowed
By the dark
I returned home
And broke the mirrors
And everything my hands reached.
My rage was high
Hard to contain
My vision blurry
Hard to ordain
Head with so many sounds filled
But one sound so dominant
Enough to mute all
Dragging a shadow onto the stage
Hindering the sun to kiss any atom of my being
I gave it time and space
And then my soul rested,
Only after I passed the ragged and sharp stones
The jagged and wooden sticks
Poking out from hidden spaces
Waiting my stumble:
You were just a floating cloud in summer’ s sky
Not a dream in midsummer’ s night
Or a tale in winter’s tales
Just a Shakespearean rug
On which ungrateful ignoramus men like you
Clean their dirty boots
And blame us for carrying the rotten apple,
Given to us from Eve.
This isn't a letter to judge for a leniency
Nor a ballet of longing
Cause I got nowhere to go
But rather ,a piece of me throwing a curse on you
Without lightening a sacred fire
Or stirring up a magic cauldron
Thank your lucky star
I don't ride broomsticks
Nor attend Hogwarts School .
I am not Harry Potter
Nor an aborted breath caught in the air
Between the respiration
I am the voyeur to your self-prostitution,
The inciter of the great riotous revolution
Like a bird sticking neck out the cage.
Stretch the lips edges upward sky
They are elastic
So strong to be torn
Be not afraid,
Your mouth won' t be deformed
In a split second,
It will take ages till you lose all the wide whitening teeth like comb
And girls as well till
You shut down your valves
And become a fossil
The way is clear now,
Don't hide no more behind that cold repulsive mask
You can do it
You are born with that talent.
O’ fascinating glimmer of gold hidden in soot!
You already got my licence
A licence from
A silly woman
Besmirched by a fairy tale
Taken aback by a grief
This is what you are thinking of
Your ,let s call it for awhile,love ,
That brought me to my knees
And made me sit on the brink of insanity
For its sake
I dropped a career just to be with you
A family just to have ours
A hymen just to show how much I loved you,
How much I trusted you,
How much ready to mingle I was
Maybe you are living now in a sassy apartment
With a girl
Bold enough to show all the next steps ,
Out the labyrinth of the broken rays
To the early long night of skin on skin pleasure ,
Or maybe now you are adorned in a choir robe. Curled into
A window seat and holding Loving Sex , skimming
The pages through your horn-rimed glasses. Looking
Out over a city of ants,in helter-kelter ,searching for true love.
Make a bonfire
Dance like a Zulu
When you get more higher on the cloud nine
And beat the drums
For me playing two roles so many years
Without using any gimmicks
Or any tricks
Fair and square
Until I fluffed the lines accidentally
And botched up the whole performance
How much I hate you now,
Not because of a foot in two camps was hard to operate
But because of being just a spark
Volatile, fleeting… Meaningless in your eyes
How much I want to make you drink from the same cup
And pay you pain double!
How much I want you dead to hang you in crystal frames
On the cement wall outside the door,
So whenever I pass by,I would spit on you,
Cast a pebble!
Just for our baby
I went out of myself
Into the north hills to bring bacon
and a piece of light home
Slowly I had to creep
step by step
On a thin ice
With careful thought
Making no sound
To raise her up good and happy.
Up she is now
If you wonder
If you still remember that I had a swollen belly
As a little lady,
Big apple now, of ten years old
Smart at school
Wild at home
I must admit it
She needs you
Needs a man to pump the brakes
And drive to the safety
A man to bring life and light
To this dark rocky land
On which I am standing
Not for me
But for her
Cause I am done with you.
That day is still fresh in my mind
Its taste still bitter in my tongue
longs to speak and bleed on the dry white space
I remember looking into your eyes when
I announced to you the glad tidings of a great joy:
A life kicking in my embryo .
A look I’ll always remember,
So cold and void
Like a hail-shot rain
Piercing my vitals.
Your smile had faded by just a bit.
By just a bit ,you took half a step back.
Just Half a Step Back.. Suddenly!
Creating a space between us.
To get away from me,
From all that we have shared
It hurt so much,
So much like a hell
Go to hell!
You are all the same
Once you get it up,you don t keep it up.