- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
49,857 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY
EVERYTHING WENT WRONG TODAY...JUST CALL ME
OFFICER JOB (THE MAN IN THE BIBLE WHO HAD ALL OF
THE PROBLEMS). INSTEAD OF WALLOWING IN MY RUM, I
THOUGHT I WOULD DO A PARODY OF A REALLY BAD
DAY LIKE TODAY...
BAD DAY SONG
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
- You discover that your 12-year-old's idea of humor is putting crazy glue in your Preparation H.
- You are in a car accident on the way to work.
- You get to work and find a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
- Your boss chews you out for an hour and a half.
- Your boss chews you out for an hour and a half during lunch and you haven't had a bathroom break in four hours.
- You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
- You realize that you have memorized the back of your cereal box.
- You realize after a few bites of cereal that your six year old didn't properly close that cereal box the last time he ate from it and now there are boll weevils in it.
- The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
- Thirty minutes before you are suppose to have an important meeting with your boss or be in court to testify against an offender your spouse calls and tells you your healthy dog suddenly died.
- It's the second dog in a month to die, and the last one was your birthday gift.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You put your bra on your husband and it fits better on him.
Your husband secretly wears your bra and enjoys it.
You just found out that one of your parents is terminally ill.
When you show up at your family reunion, your mom says,"you aren't wearing that to your dad's funeral are you?"
You try to drown your sorrows with rum but the cheapest place in town, and also the most conveniently located, only has Coconut Rum left.
You go to the salon and the lady who usually does a fantastic job accidently dyed your hair purple or green.
Your husband who is still wearing your bra doesn't notice your hair is purple or green.
You can't cook when you get home from work because the gas has been turned off because there is a gas leak under your front yard.
The pretty grass has been dug up and replaced with a huge crater to fix that gas leak.
Your autistic son who is talking to the boll weevils he rescued from the cereal box is carefully plotting about what to do with the crater in the front yard.
The next day, the crator is filled with mud and water and your blankets, prized heirlooms, are being used as teepee or fort roofs over the mud pit.
Your spouse has mowed the backyard garden under so he/she can make that area of the yard int a pet cemetery.
You develop shingles from the stress and everyone at the office has spread vicious rumors that you have scabies.
Your office has been turned into a Hazmat area and you have been sent home because the boss believes the scabies rumors.
- Today, you find out that your wife gave you head lice on purpose so you would have to cut off the ponytail that you've been growing since '85.
- You go to your secret condom stash and discover most of your condoms re gone with a note reading "thanks hon,I really needed these...love mom."
- You find out that the guy our repeatedly turned down at the bar last night is your new boss.
- Your kid turns into a comedic genius as he gives a minute-by-minute commentary about everything you are doing in the bathroom stall at a public bathroom.
- you drop your cell phone in that public bathroom toilet and the full toilet isn't your doing.
BAD DAY SONG
- Music and Lyrics to the song Bad Day by R.E.M. - Rhapsody Online
Listen to the full-length version of Bad Day by R.E.M. and read the lyrics on Rhapsody Online. Plus, thousands of albums, music videos, playlists, radio stations, photos, and more.