ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

1,000 Miles

Updated on December 9, 2016

First Fragment

Today was no different than any other day. I woke up, ate breakfast, took my depression medication, and was once again late for job I don't even want. I live my life in a rut. It's the routine I have adjusted to since my falling apart. I was in one relationship through most of high school. She was my life and the reason I tried to do well in life. We dated for five whole years straight out of high school. With every intention to get married and to have a family, my life was set in stone and I couldn't have been happier. It quickly unraveled right before me and there was nothing I could've done to prevent it.

I didn't know what was happening to me to be honest. Over the course of our relationship, we both had closed off family and friends. We only had each other. I was overwhelmed with helplessness and a sense of darkness loomed over my head. I tried to handle it alone, but all I could hear was my dad echo in the back of my head.

" Man up", he would always say, " You don't have time to be depressed."

As the days continued, I figured the pain would ease and I would start to let go. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I started to have suicidal thoughts and as the suffering continued, I started to devise a plan. I waited until she went to work and went to the medicine cabinet. I grabbed everything I could. I gave each pill a reason why I wasn't worth anything. One pill turned into five and that turned into ten. I kept going until there was no way possible for me to continue. Over the course of six hours, I consumed over thirty painkillers. Now, it was a waiting game.

The hours passed by like a turtle crossing the freeway. I laid there just thinking of what death was like. I knew, however, that the pain was going to get much worse before it went away. I didn't care though. At least I could see the end with death. If I stayed alive, who knows how long I would have to live with that pain. The hours slipped by and I only felt dizzy and sleepy. I didn't feel the pain like most people warn you about. But then, out of the silence that filled the apartment, the door opened. She was home.

"Jesse," she called out.

I stayed silent. She found me lying on the floor with the empty bottles covering the ground around me.

" Oh my God," she shrieked. I knew she was scared but I didn't care. I begged her not to take me to the hospital. i just wanted to die. She wanted to help but I refused every offer and demand. After that everything went black.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)