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5 Jobs That I Cannot Do
Behind the idea
I was driving home late one night and could not stop laughing at some of the jobs I noticed on my drive. Yes, I did pay attention to the road as I was making my way home but at the same time I turned off the radio and started going over some scenarios that I could not believe.
I am not talking about dirty jobs and things I would not want to do. I am talking about the jobs that come to mind that just make you laugh.
Here is that list of jobs I came up with.
Night-time Construction Worker
I guess this would fall under 'Construction' but this is the main item that started me on this rant.
Have you seen the large lights they use for nighttime construction? These things are on the verge of being able to light a sports stadium/arena. I just kept thinking to myself, "self...you could make some awesome hand shadow puppets with one of those lighting units!"
And then the lawsuits from local motorists begin as they describe a really big dog shadow almost eating their car.
I am talking about a door-to-door house window salesman.
I have been in some sort of sales for about 9 years and in all different types of arenas. This one just kind of makes me laugh. I know people do it and I know they are good at what they do. This came up because we had one come to our door today and it was really weird. How does the conversation go?
"Hey, you look like you need new windows," says the salesperson.
"Really, how can you tell?"
"Walked up to them as you were in the house without you knowing and inspected them. Yes, sir. Looks like you need new ones!"
Although it is a secret dream of mine to be on the radio, specifically sports talk, I don't know if the FCC would like it much.
I like to think I have a working knowledge of most sports and current events and I am really good at voicing my opinion. The issue is I don't have a filter. I speak my mind (check out some of my writing) and don't think the 5 second delay will be enough.
I can just see someone calling into my show and mentioning how when they clean out their garage, they need to find a place to put their balls. After I laugh for the next 30 seconds, my usual come back would probably deal with checking in your wife/girlfriend's purse.
Random Sign-Holding Person you see on the side of the road
I don't know if I really have to get into this one. I know it is an inexpensive way to get advertising for your business to the immediate clientele. I mean really immediate as these 'sign showers' are literally within 100 feet of the stores they are advertising for.
Some of them are very entertaining to watch as they dance, do the shimmy and I think I saw one guy do 'the Dougie'.
Most just stand there, Shaking the sign in boredom while listening to their favorite tunes on their phone or cd-player (yes, I saw someone actually using a cd-player near my house).
I try to picture myself in this role and, again, cannot stop laughing. The biggest thought I have is seeing friends or family. Obviously I would want to 'dance like no one is watching...when they are watching.' I can see it now, jumping into a little break-dance routine followed up by some free-style hip-hop and then "the Carlton" dance.
I laugh because I cannot dance and I can only think I would look like someone trying to fight off a swarm of bees. I would have fun doing it and the motorists would at least have a big smile on their face.
On Location News Reporter
The big reason behind this is the work hours. These individuals work very hard and are up at random times of the night traveling all over their specific region. The hard work part I could be fine with. The types of stories they report on is what would get me going.
You see them. In the middle of a hurricane....and still reporting. How does this conversation go on in their head?
In Studio Anchor: "Hi John, how does the hurricane look and are people ok?
Field reporter: "Hi, Angela. Why don't you get your lazy @$$ out here and find out? How is the coffee in the studio? Mine is water-logged and I spilled it getting out of the truck because the winds are over 100 MPH!!! Back to you Angela!"
You know that is what some of them want to say.
Other situations make me laugh just watching especially during sporting events. This usually consists of a reporter going over what happened and the final score of the game. Then here come the drunk people jumping in the shot, saying ridiculous (and censor-worth phrases) things and just acting, well...drunk.
I don't know how I would react but my guess is I probably would not handle it as 'professionally' as this reporter did below.
Some people may say I should stop writing but that is not going to happen. I like what I do in my day job and this is a hobby for me at this time.
If you have other jobs that you think fit this article, please leave a comment below. I may do a 2nd edition if I get enough responses.
Thank you for reading and please leave feedback when you get the opportunity. Gives me an idea of what direction to go in with my writing.