- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
10 Reasons Why You Don’t Want To Read This Article
- It has no real agenda.
- Every point following has even less significance than the last.
- This reason is staring you in the face, because it isn’t even a reason.
- If you are still reading this then you should be concerned about yourself.
- Statistically speaking, points 2 and 4 are 30% more likely to apply to those between the ages of 10 and 68. Genders are exempt from statistical likelihoods however.
- If you were to rate this article as either good or bad, either way, it would be a complete waste of your time.
- If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one there to hear it fall. Did it really fall? Or did it very gradually settle itself on the forest floor with the grace of a feather? If this article is here but nobody reads it, then how do we know it exists? Perhaps Google saw it.
- If I were you, then you would be me, so if I was to read this article then so would you have, but then I’m not you, so I’ll let you decide for yourself.
- I’m going to try sell you some highly inappropriate products and convince you that they’re the best thing since sliced bread.
- Little or no effort has been involved in the making of this. If you would like to complain, please follow these simple steps
- Vote this article up.
- Leave a positive comment of appraisal.
- Follow my profile.
- Forget about this article.
If you are still here then you are truly a persistent one. Congratulations! You have now surpassed faze one of this incredible journey and are entering into the extremely shallow depths of faze two.
You have received
- 100 XP
- A golden amulet - of unknown origins, usability and function
- A medal for fearless bravery and indescribable patience
Faze two is now upon us and the walls are closing in. You are being chased through a cave by a medieval talking dragon and your only possessions are your ultimately useless pick-ups gained during faze one.
You see something shiny staring at you from a fair distance through the cave. It looks like a mighty sword. You scramble past the dragon as you managed to blind it by throwing your golden amulet at its face. With only seconds to spare you reach for the blunt shiny object, to find that it is a shiny Original LP Vinyl single for Pink Floyd’s “Shine On You Crazy Diamond”.
Your inside knowledge of the records astronomical retail value judging by its pristine condition and original packaging allow you to bargain with the talking dragon. But seeing as you were cruel enough to throw something at it, the talking dragon refuses to talk. You flee to safety via a conveniently situated golf cart with the ignition still running.
The cave explodes behind you for unexplained reasons. As you drive on you notice something outstanding. So incredible that you just don’t know what to think! The thing you see before you is…
This next sentence, which introduces you to faze three –
“The Dawn of The Beginning of The End of a Tale which Begun Without Any Proper Explanation”.
- A free hat
- An expired coupon for a free desert at Wal-Mart
- A confused look for taking the time to read this next bit
In faze three you will undergo an unusual trance like state, similar to the effects caused by reading anything other than something worth reading. Phase three has no point other than to state this as a fact. FACT!
Other Facts for a Need To Know Basis
- You have gone too far by reading this. FACT!
- This one isn’t a fact. FACT!
- I’ve run out of ideas. FACT!
By now you must be wondering. What is the meaning? Where am I? Why does this article keep putting words in my mouth? The explanation lies neatly hidden within these highly relevant items for sale.
Highly Significant And Unrelated Items For Sale
Noodles taste best when they come from a packet and cook in under 5 minutes. Legend has it, ancient people used to make noodles. Then came modern people, who also ate noodles. Noodles are a traditional American favourite. Stock up for Y2K. It's never too late.
A book about a dog where the dog doesn't die at the end. It's all you've ever dreamed of! Treat yourself now to this remarkable tale which is guaranteed not to disappoint like all those other books about dogs that actually died at the end. Oh the humanity!
Writing fiction is one of my many skills. I hope this article has given you the inspiration to buy this product, so that one day, you can write stories just as good as this one.