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10 Things That American Icon, Mark Twain Did Not Say

Updated on March 29, 2015

I need help

I face an impossible task. The task, sad to admit, is that "I" cannot write anything here that has not already been written by someone who has a Ph.D in sociology and a Masters in journalism and literature.

I wish things were different, and since magic doesn't exist, I am "up against it," to coin a fabled phrase of American folklore. Writing about icons, American or otherwise, is tough. How tough? If you could move the Empire State Building by the manual effort of the offensive line of the Michigan Wolverines, this would be easier than writing something new, explosive and something never read about an icon such as Twain.

Hi, Mark. Please help me

But I digress. I suppose if Twain were hovering over my right shoulder, he might chuckle at my desperation in finding "that" piece about him that would not only define him, but capture his life in a few choice paragraphs and quotes.

Eureka! I have, I think, "the" idea I was searching for. Mark Twin (Samuel Clemens) was just as famous for his gift of spewing quotes, both funny and profound, out of his mouth as he was those delightful books about "Tom Sawyer," "Huck Finn," and the very colorful "Muff Potter."

A break-through

Twain said a ton of things that people are still using in their news stories, books and theater scripts in 2015. But guess what? I have this list, (I can hardly hold a straight face), that you might enjoy called

10 Things That American Icon, Mark Twain Did Not Say

I guess you noticed

that there were NO captions under any of the photos of Mark Twain on this hub.

There is a reason.

I used common sense. Hardly anyone in America or elsewhere, has to be told who the guy is in these photos.


" . . .Sometimes in life, a storm has to clear your pathway of monotany to get you to your dreams."

" . . .A man's life is not measured by his wealth, but mostly how good his hair looks."

" . . .Show me a pup who doesn't bark and I'll show you a peaceful home owner."

" . . ."Poets are like mice. They say nothing of sense, but when dinner is served, they clam-up."

" . . .Sweating on a man's face tell me two things--he is either a wanted felon or a farmer."

" . . .I have had lots of stories that were rejected. Where I put it is beyond me."

" . . .I like river-living. I never have to concern myself with sweeping my front yard."

" . . .Beware of sweet-smelling people. It's how they smell once the toilet water has worn off that counts."

" . . .Politicians are like bears. They sleep all day and in four years they keep you from sleeping."

" . . .I'd rather be bitten by a rattlesnake than confide in a hypocrite. At least the rattler is what he is."

Now for my quote . . ."If I had a Kenworth full of gold nuggets, I would keep one and give you the rest."

And you have my permission to quote me on that.


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