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Over 100 Funny Clean Jokes

Updated on August 27, 2014
Veggies tell a clean joke.
Veggies tell a clean joke.

Introduction: Clean Jokes for All Audiences

Looking for a good icebreaker for your church fundraising potluck? Does your son need to bring a funny joke to his next scout meeting? Tired of hearing the same old boring tales that aren't really funny? Or, getting embarrassed by humor that is better shared on the golf course, or at a bar (i.e. not among mixed company)?

What you need is a one-stop "shopping list," so to speak, of funny, clean jokes -- hilarious tales that are suitable to tell around the children, but that will actually make you (and other adults) laugh, as well.

I've grouped some classics (and new funnies) in familiar categories for easy selection, and put together a large group of 100 side-splitting funny clean jokes. In this Hub, you can look forward to having access to:

  • "Chicken crossing the road" jokes
  • Animal jokes
  • PG-rated religion jokes
  • Knock knock jokes
  • Computer jokes
  • Husband and wife jokes
  • Blonde jokes
  • Ponderings
  • Riddles
  • Funny puns and one-liners
  • Doctor jokes
  • Lawyer jokes
  • Miscellaneous jokes

Make sure you bookmark this page so you've got a good diversion during the day. Try telling a few of them out loud to your eight-year-old. When you overhear him relating one of these to his own friends, I guarantee you'll be laughing even harder.

Enjoy!

"Chicken Crossing the Road" Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line

* * *

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls

* * *

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide

* * *

Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
To invent the other side

* * *

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull

Animal Jokes

How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a cow-culator

* * *

What's a cow's favorite moo-sical note?
Beef-flat

* * *

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs

* * *

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies

* * *

Three birders walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. (Ha!)

  • Birder 1: What kind of bird is that?
  • Birder 2: A gulp.
  • Birder 1: A gulp? Never heard of it.
  • Birder 2: It's like a swallow, only it's bigger

* * *

What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
A Golden Receiver!

* * *

What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper?
Rough! Rough!

* * *

MERGER ANNOUNCEMENT: Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.

* * *

The Duck and the Bartender:
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, I am sorry, we have cherries and olives but no grapes." "Oh," says the duck and leaves.

Ten minutes later the duck returns and asks the same bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" "Like I said before, we have cherries and olives, but we don't have grapes!" says the bartender. "Oh," says the duck and leaves.

Ten minutes later the duck returns and again, asks, "Do you have any grapes?" "Look, beak lips," screams the bartender. "We have no grapes! We will never have grapes! And if you ask me again, I am going to nail your web-by little feet to the floor!" "Oh," says the duck and leaves.

Ten minutes later, the door swings open and the duck returns. The bartender is furious. He slams a bottle of beer down on the bar, stares menacingly at the duck and screams, "What?" "Uh . . . uh . . . do you have any . . . nails?" the duck asks. "Nails? Nails? No, we don't have nails," answers the bartender. "Mmmm," says the duck. "So, do you have any grapes?"

* * *

A Man and His Penguins:
A man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and that he should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day, the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I thought I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies, "I did. Today, I'm taking them to the movies."

Even religious organizations use clean jokes.
Even religious organizations use clean jokes.

PG-Rated Religion Jokes

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards

  • Clerk: What denomination?
  • Woman: Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this? Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.

* * *

Good King Wenceslas went out to the pizza parlour and ordered a pizza. The assistant asked, "Do you want your usual? Deep, pan, crisp, and even?"

* * *

They have Dial-a-Prayer for Atheists now . . .
You can call, and it rings and rings but nobody answers.

* * *

Rumor has it, Billy Graham Ministries is starting up an Emotional Support Group for middle-aged men experiencing hair loss. Apparently, they close every meeting with the benediction: "Go, and thin no more!"

* * *

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
10. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they like the old one

A vicar was talking to one of his parishioners.

  • Vicar: When you get to my age, you'll spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter.
  • Parishioner: Why do you say that?
  • Vicar: Well, I often find myself going into a room and thinking, what did I come in here after?

* * *

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it, and a priest to hear him confess and to give the old bulb last rites

* * *

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what . . . 30?

* * *

Once, there was a guy named Joe. One day, he died and found himself standing in front of the pearly gates . . .

  • St. Peter: Joe, if you can answer one question, I'll let you into heaven.
  • Joe: Sounds easy enough.
  • St. Peter: Who is with you always?
  • Joe: Oh, that's easy, Andy!
  • St. Peter: Andy?
  • Joe: Yeah, haven't you heard that hymn, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me?"

* * *

The Top 10 Things People Think About While Singing a Hymn:

  1. The pot roast.
  2. What does the pastor wear under his robes?
  3. Will the person behind me ever hit the right note?
  4. Ninety minutes till kickoff.
  5. Did I turn off the curling iron?
  6. The likelihood of the ceiling fan falling and hitting me on the head.
  7. How many people have lost more hair than I have?
  8. How would the hymn sound if Metallica played it?
  9. Are there doughnuts at fellowship?
  10. How many more verses?

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference to you, just let me in!

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Yachts
Yachts who?
Yachts up, doc?

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Ya
Ya who?
What are you getting so excited about?

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Vera
Vera who?
Vera few people think these jokes are funny!

Knock Knock (Practical Joke)

Computer Jokes

Why was the computer so tired when it got home?
Because it had a hard drive!

* * *

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.

* * *

Signs that you need to get away from the computer

  • You try to enter your password on the microwave.
  • You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, "What's for dinner, Dad?"
  • Your daughter sets up a website to sell Girl Scout Cookies.
  • You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

Husband and Wife Jokes

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

* * *

The Smelly Couple:
Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and Kathy's in the bathroom. As Jimmy's getting undressed he says to himself, "How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?" Then, he throws his socks under the bed.

Kathy walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimmy runs past her and he goes into the bathroom. Kathy sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, "How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him."

Just then, Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, "Honey, I've got to tell you something." Jimmy says, "Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks."

* * *

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her husband!"

* * *

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

* * *

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!

* * *

A wife complains, "A wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." Her husband mumbled, "Clock always was slow."

Answer on a Blonde's Geometry Test:

Blonde Jokes

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly. All the planes were currently in use, so the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it, gave her the basics, and then sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

* * *

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine," the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing," the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere, a tree pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was yet another tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was . . . "

"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "there isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

* * *

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

* * *

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde, wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she would owe him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. Then, the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back down the hill with four legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00.

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

* * *

Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says, "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "Keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down."

* * *

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds," he instructed.

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

Ponderisms

  • What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  • If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • What's another word for synonym?
  • If the cop arrests a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Riddles

What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.

* * *

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it. What is it?
A secret.

* * *

What stays in bed most of the day and sometimes go to the bank?
A stream.

* * *

Imagine you are in a sinking rowboat surrounded by sharks. How would you survive?
Quit imagining!

* * *

What has to be broken before it can be used?
An egg.

Funny Puns and One-Liners

  • Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
  • Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
  • Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
  • When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
  • What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
  • A backwards poet writes inverse.
  • He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
  • If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?
  • The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done.
  • Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
  • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  • If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • Without geometry, life is pointless.

Doctor Jokes

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."

"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"

"Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor."

* * *

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

* * *

Doctor: I've got very bad news -- you've got cancer and Alzheimer's.

Patient: Well, at least I don't have cancer.

* * *

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an earache."

  • 2000 B.C. -- "Here, eat this root."
  • 1000 B.C. -- "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
  • 1850 A.D. -- "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
  • 1940 A.D. -- "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
  • 1985 A.D. -- "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
  • 2000 A.D. -- "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Lawyer Jokes

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.

"Of course," the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"

"Well, that's a bit steep, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," said the lawyer. "And, what's your third question?"

* * *

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

* * *

What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes

* * *

You Might Be a Lawyer if . . .

  • You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
  • You believe that a forty-word sentence is a short one.
  • You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
  • You can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it's verbal or written.
  • Your other car is a BMW.
  • When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
  • When your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.

Go ahead and laugh at these funny, clean jokes!
Go ahead and laugh at these funny, clean jokes!

Miscellaneous Jokes

An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you get this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student starts. "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this gorgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

* * *

"Dad, can you write in the dark?"

"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"

"Your name on this report card."

* * *

Teacher: Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?
Sam: I don't know.
Teacher: Bark, Sam, bark.
Sam: Bow, wow, wow!

* * *

One day, the zookeeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

* * *

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a panda! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

* * *

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this -- it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working -- let's ship it!"

* * *

What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money.

* * *

Musician: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.

* * *

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

* * *

Heaven and Hell

In Heaven:

  • The cooks are French,
  • The policemen are English,
  • The mechanics are German,
  • The lovers are Italian,
  • The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

  • The cooks are English,
  • The policemen are German,
  • The mechanics are French,
  • The lovers are Swiss,
  • The bankers are Italian.

© 2008 Stephanie Hicks

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    • BeccaHubbardWoods profile image

      Mizzery Chick 14 months ago from Outside your window...

      I told a lot of these to my 12 year old. His favorite was the duck in the bar. Thanks for sharing!

    • profile image

      jonas 18 months ago

    • profile image

      davida 21 months ago

      assy

    • Eric Calderwood profile image

      Eric Calderwood 3 years ago from USA

      These are great. I wish I would have seen these at the beginning of the summer before I went off to work for a Boy Scout camp. many of them would have come in handy over the summer.

    • jefboyardee profile image

      jefboyardee 3 years ago

      Every time I see a parade of jokes online, I have to add the only only joke I ever made up:

      How many nymphomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

      Just two, but they have to be really small.

    • belleart profile image

      belleart 3 years ago from Ireland

      Soo funny, love the lawyer and blonde jokes.....Great idea for a hub.

    • MichelleLynnB profile image

      Michelle 3 years ago from Iowa

      Ha! these are great! I love these corny type jokes! great hub!

    • profile image

      Airalynn McKellip 3 years ago

      my brother and I are laughing soo hard I can hardly type thank you

    • Elizabeth Bowers profile image

      Elizabeth Bowers 3 years ago from Tennessee

      Thanks so much for this! I'm going to have so much fun sharing these at work... :)

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 3 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thank y0u!! Same to you!

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Great Hub !!! :) Voted funny and useful because more people need to have a sense of humor :) My favorite was the penguin joke ! I also like the blonde joke about the flight class/plane. Great clean material. Laughter is wonderful. Have a great week

    • luvtoowrite profile image

      Luvtoo Write 3 years ago from Chicago, IL

      Funny, made my day and my spouse laugh. Keep up the good work!

    • profile image

      alanah 3 years ago

      i for one am a comedian and after

    • UndercoverAgent19 profile image

      Jen Corrigan 3 years ago

      Loved this hub! I can't get enough of jokes that are funny but are also very, very dumb. I read several aloud to my grandma. She particularly liked the one about the blonde going on a diet.

    • profile image

      lia nia wia 3 years ago

      Fantastic jokes, I loved them, I was really bored but they cheered me up. I really like the blonde jokes, here's a funny one: 3 girls, a redhead brunette and a blonde decide to jump off a magical cliff. The redhead jumps off and yells "Money!" and she lands,in money. The brunette jumps off and yells "pink fluffy unicorn stuffies!" and she lands in pink fluffy unicorn stuffies. Just as the blonde jumps off she trips and yells "Crap!" and lands in, well, u know... LOL I love this clean funny joke I hope u do to! I am so sorry if this joke or any of the other blonde jokes affend u, blondes. It could be any hair color that trips and yells crap, so....ya! Once again, I love your hub stephhicks68! Great funny clean jokes!

    • profile image

      dragonflycolor 3 years ago

      oh my goodness, the cheetahs joke made me laugh out loud for sure! i love those types of jokes, they are the best. thank you!

    • profile image

      your face 3 years ago

      haha.....

    • profile image

      lolster 33479 3 years ago

      Here's a joke for you.

      How can you tell an old person from a young person?

      An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same time!!!

    • profile image

      poop 3 years ago

      those jokes are old little one boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you stink give me something better about sports please you'll be the best ever girl so do it

    • profile image

      jude 4 years ago

      this is totally so thrilling.........my favorite part is about THE SCHOOL BOYS BRAGGING OVER WHOSE FATHER WAS THE FASTEST. Thumbs up.

    • SamitaJassi profile image

      Samita Sharma 4 years ago from Chandigarh

      All the jokes are very funny, specially teacher and sam.. "Bark, Sam, bark." hahahahahaha

    • profile image

      MayorofStoryville 4 years ago

      Every week I post 5 new jokes on my Facebook page, check out Mayor of Storyville podcasts too:

      What do you call a Vampire who filps pancakes?

      Count Spatula

      One snowman says to the other, "Do you smell carrots?"

      How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

      Juan.

      Why do Gorrillas have big nostrils?

      They have big fingers.

      One snake says to another “Are we poisonous”

      The other snake says “Why?”

      He says, “Because I just bit my lip.”

      Check out the Mayor of Storyville

      All my best always,

      Kenny Haas #25

      Mayor of Storyville

    • profile image

      aisha 4 years ago

      thanks . its awesome and incredible.i m getting great help from these making my fiancée laugh as he is a bit down these days.its a relief to get this clean and clear humour in these days of catastrophic obscenity.keep going .all the best .GOD bless you

    • Nitin Pillai profile image

      Nitin Pillai 4 years ago from Mumbai, Maharastra, India

      Nice jokes! Voted up!

    • profile image

      lora 4 years ago

      these are the worst jocks EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      chhavi 4 years ago

      asal mein ye joks very funny they

    • profile image

      Person 4 years ago

      I didn't even laugh

    • profile image

      Billy 4 years ago

      Wow u guys have no lifes and need to get out more theses jokes suck Why and the heck would a scientist chicken cross the stupid road to invent the other side?!? GETTA LIFE!

    • profile image

      Kim 4 years ago

      Really I didn't really write a joke down.

    • profile image

      mgan 4 years ago

      LADY: Is this my train

      station master: no it belongs to the railway company

      LADY: dont try to be funny. i mean to ask can i take this train to new delhi

      station master: no madam i am afraid it is too heave

      haha it is soo funny hope you liked it lol =)

    • profile image

      sahithi dyuthi josyam 4 years ago

      i like your jokes most of all i LOVE the computer it is so funny they are also very clean i hope i can tell it to my family

      BYE EEVERYBODY

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 4 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thanks Carozy! My four kids love these jokes too - and they can tell them to their grandparents. ;-) Have a super day, Steph

    • carozy profile image

      carozy 4 years ago from San Francisco

      What a thorough and funny hub. I have four nephews so I am always on the look out for good material to keep things light and fun. This article is wonderful for that! Thanks for sharing. Voted up.

    • profile image

      Ramaiani 4 years ago

      Hahah. Gonna go on to the one about the penguins to my grandchildren - if I ever get to have any lol

    • profile image

      cailyen 4 years ago

      haha

    • profile image

      Mayor of Storyville 4 years ago

      Nice Job... Here are some fun ones:

      Why did the Little Orange think the Lemon was flirting with her? Because he called her a Cutie.

      What do you call a boom-a-rang that doesn't come back?

      A stick.

      A termite walks into a bar and asks,

      "Is the bartender here"

      Check out the Mayor of Storyville fan page on facebook — inspiring children to use their creativity.

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      Boy 4 years ago

      This is soooo stupid

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      Lucygoosey 4 years ago

      Lol! Roflmho! Thanks. I was sad and these cheered me up :-))

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      lina 4 years ago

      these are funny i like more { you've got male } husbands and wives , doctors jokes .... god i think i like them all !!

      :D

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      get lost 4 years ago

      grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

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      nice guy 4 years ago

      knock knock hos there bell bell who bell is not what i said melll

    • Anjo Bacarisas II profile image

      Anjo Bacarisas II 5 years ago from Cagayan de Oro, Philippines

      HAHA.. that was funny! until now im still laughing, remembering those very funny jokes.. thanks for sharing this hub, i enjoyed it :)

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      dario 5 years ago

      it was so funny =))

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      Emma 5 years ago

      Soooooo cooool

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      TYPER 5 years ago

      I MEANT KRISPY KREME

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      typer 5 years ago

      why did the rice krispy treats not get back in the oven

      because they were krisper than krisper kreme hahaha

      IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MYY JOKE THEN PLEASE DONT BE MEAN IM ONLY THE AGES BETWEEN 10 AND 12.

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      emily 5 years ago

      the past is history, the futre is a mystery today is a gift and thats why we call it present

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      abby 5 years ago

      i have a friend who is always making up jokes. one is,

      two sticks were playing cards. what did one stick say to the other?

      Snap!

      because snap the card game. because sticks snap all the time. ha ha ha ha.

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      Alice 5 years ago

      Ocwardddddd

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      tori doolittle 5 years ago

      i have a joke to tell

      ON MY STREET I HAVE THE ONLY WHITEHOUSE ON MY STREET.

      GET THE JOKE POST AND TELL ME YOUR REPLY?

    • gamesnepal profile image

      gamesnepal 5 years ago from Kathmandu, Nepal

      I really enjoyed all of those mini pictures/comments.

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      candylove 5 years ago

      i like it

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      gavin 5 years ago

      my girl friend loved them!!!!!!!!!!!

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      habib 5 years ago

      very good

    • joebhoy profile image

      joebhoy 5 years ago from Manila

      nice one! keep posting..

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      peyton 5 years ago

      these jokes are stupid

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      jade 5 years ago

      love them make some more or even make a joke book

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      Preety Rajbanshi 5 years ago

      Really nice jokes, I really luved them reading....

    • mariahbernt864 profile image

      mariahbernt864 5 years ago from Minneapolis, Minnesota

      Wow hahah these are too funny! Better than dirty jokes for sure!

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      Zach 6 years ago

      Hahahaha

      Thanks for the laughs

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      mati101 6 years ago

      oh zis tng is so funny...am jst laughin out loud in z starbuks in z middle of a whole bunch of peoples.................omg lol

    • Arlynne profile image

      Arlynne 6 years ago from Florida, USA

      haha! I love story of the blonde and the lawyer in the plane..I hope I can find a stupid lawyer like him..i'll be rich if I'm with him always..LOL! @lambservant I love your joke..do you have more? hahahaha!!!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 6 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Awesome Leslie!! Its always fun to share great jokes. :) Steph

    • LeslieAdrienne profile image

      Leslie A. Shields 6 years ago from Georgia

      :D enjoyed my time with you... bookmarked this page and have been telling everyone the jokes that I especially liked.

      Thanks for sharing...

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      Kirmina 6 years ago

      funny!FUNNY!

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      rose 6 years ago

      thanks for the jokes i will share them with the children at my child care

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      Sandipan 6 years ago

      These are really funny. Thanks for the share

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      James Ortega 6 years ago

      Thats how come I love hubpage, I often discover brilliant hubs just as this one. The creators of this hub seriously took the time to fix it up nicely! Get's my vote without a doubt!

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      ann 6 years ago

      such stupid WTF!! DUDE!!

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      luke 6 years ago

      there is a guy in a room with no way out there is a piano a saw a table and a baseball bat, how does he get out......................he could take a key out of the piano and unlock the door...........he could use the bat gey three strike then he'd be out or he could saw the table in half then put it back then he'd have a hole!

    • PaperNotes profile image

      PaperNotes 6 years ago

      Reading this hub is a perfect way to start the day. Thanks.

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      genevieve 6 years ago

      i got a joke it is so funny how do you wake up lady gaga in the morning you poke her face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • ScottMadiJack profile image

      ScottMadiJack 6 years ago from Philadelphia, now living in Delaware.

      Just the pit bull!! HAHAHAHA

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      Alisha 6 years ago

      Wow

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      Gaea bard 6 years ago

      Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha hilarious i loved the video i would totally do that to one of my friends

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      karen sholer 6 years ago

      Ha ha love the blonde ones

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      Indian jokes 6 years ago

      Wow this amazing list of jokes and decent too.

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      Maddie  6 years ago

      Love them!!!!!!

    • Carolyn2008 profile image

      Carolyn Gibson 7 years ago from Boston

      This is a great hub!!

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      Usman 7 years ago

      Nice hub

      I really enjoy

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 7 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Great great fun. Made my day.

      A former pastor of mine loves jokes and he tells the same ones over and over. My favorite is the one where a guy is desperate to find work. He's looked all over, but just can't seem to get a job. So one day someone tells him there might be an opening at the zoo. He goes to the zoo and they say, well, we do have one job left.

      oh great, the man says, what is it. How would you like to be a gorilla? "A gorilla," he asks, "Don't you have any real gorillia's." Well our last on just died and people are really complaining because we don't have a gorilla anymore. So the guy accepts the job and every day he dresses up in a gorilla suit and runs all over posturing, swinging from limb to limb, just overall, having a great time entertaining the masses. He became the star of the zoo. One day, the man/gorilla is especially energetic and begins swing wildly through his exhibit. He loses control and ends up next door in the lions den. The gorilla begins to scream and yell. He is trying frantically to get away from the lion. The gorilla is so out of control that lion starts walking up to him with a mad look on his face. "On no, oh no, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die." When the lion finally gets up to the gorilla face to face, he says to the gorilla, "Shut up stupid, or you'll get us both fired."

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      prettybil 7 years ago

      thanx...my loneliness s gone...!!!

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      hubpageswriter 7 years ago

      These are really funny, especially the one liner ones.:) And blonde jokes too.

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      Steve joke 7 years ago

      ya good jokes

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 7 years ago from home

      nOTHING LIKE gOOD- "bBaaAD jOKES"- SAID THE LAMB

      But I liked them all-

    • lilly_dens profile image

      lilly_dens 7 years ago

      hahaha i like it! :)

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      santa bant jokes english 7 years ago

      You are making killing with this hub.

    • brandyBachmann profile image

      brandyBachmann 7 years ago

      it was fun! keep smiling everyone :D

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      anonymous 7 years ago

      these jokes are good and funny... hope more comes because im looking forward to seeing and laughing to more!

    • Michael Shane profile image

      Michael Shane 7 years ago from Gadsden, Alabama

      You got some funny stuff here! Great job!

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      KELLY 7 years ago

      LOL THE JOKES ARE SO FUNNY ALL MY FRIENDS LIKE THEM HAHAHA SO FUNNY

    • Mr Nice profile image

      Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

      Thanks stephhicks68,

      Wow, very funny jokes......hahahaha.

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      geekiest 7 years ago

      loved it...!!!

      very gud.. :)keep it up

    • lovelife999 profile image

      lovelife999 7 years ago

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      dumm blonde 7 years ago

      i 4got wat 2 say

    • dilipchandra12 profile image

      Dilip Chandra 7 years ago from India

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      teetee girl 7 years ago

      those were some great jokes.they were halarious.i loved them

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      zack 7 years ago

      nice and funny jokes

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      Gabzi 8 years ago

      WHAT DOES A GHOST TELL A BEE??

      BOO-BEE!!!

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      skinman 8 years ago

      I have a joke for you all....

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Dr. Leroy...

      the head psychiatrist at the local

      mental hospital...

      is examining patients to see if they're

      cured and ready to re-enter society.

      "So...

      Mr. Clark"...

      the doctor says to one of his patients....

      "I see by your chart that you've been

      recommended for dismissal.

      Do you have any idea what you might

      do once you're released?".

      The patient thinks for a moment...

      then replies...

      "Well...

      I went to school for mechanical engineering.

      That's still a good field...

      good money there.

      But on the other hand....

      I thought I might write a book about my

      experience here in the hospital...

      what it's like to be a patient here.

      People might be interested in reading a

      book like that. In addition...

      I thought I might go back to college and

      study art history...

      which I've grown interested in lately".

      Dr. Leroy nods and says...

      "Yes...

      those all sound like intriguing possibilities".

      The patient replies...

      "And the best part is...

      in my spare time...

      I can go on being a teapot".