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Over 100 Funny Clean Jokes

Updated on August 27, 2014
Veggies tell a clean joke.
Veggies tell a clean joke.

Introduction: Clean Jokes for All Audiences

Looking for a good icebreaker for your church fundraising potluck? Does your son need to bring a funny joke to his next scout meeting? Tired of hearing the same old boring tales that aren't really funny? Or, getting embarrassed by humor that is better shared on the golf course, or at a bar (i.e. not among mixed company)?

What you need is a one-stop "shopping list," so to speak, of funny, clean jokes -- hilarious tales that are suitable to tell around the children, but that will actually make you (and other adults) laugh, as well.

I've grouped some classics (and new funnies) in familiar categories for easy selection, and put together a large group of 100 side-splitting funny clean jokes. In this Hub, you can look forward to having access to:

  • "Chicken crossing the road" jokes
  • Animal jokes
  • PG-rated religion jokes
  • Knock knock jokes
  • Computer jokes
  • Husband and wife jokes
  • Blonde jokes
  • Ponderings
  • Riddles
  • Funny puns and one-liners
  • Doctor jokes
  • Lawyer jokes
  • Miscellaneous jokes

Make sure you bookmark this page so you've got a good diversion during the day. Try telling a few of them out loud to your eight-year-old. When you overhear him relating one of these to his own friends, I guarantee you'll be laughing even harder.

Enjoy!

"Chicken Crossing the Road" Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line

* * *

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls

* * *

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide

* * *

Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
To invent the other side

* * *

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a pit bull?
Just the pit bull

Animal Jokes

How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
With a cow-culator

* * *

What's a cow's favorite moo-sical note?
Beef-flat

* * *

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs

* * *

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies

* * *

Three birders walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. (Ha!)

  • Birder 1: What kind of bird is that?
  • Birder 2: A gulp.
  • Birder 1: A gulp? Never heard of it.
  • Birder 2: It's like a swallow, only it's bigger

* * *

What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
A Golden Receiver!

* * *

What did the dog say when he sat on the sandpaper?
Rough! Rough!

* * *

MERGER ANNOUNCEMENT: Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.

* * *

The Duck and the Bartender:
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, I am sorry, we have cherries and olives but no grapes." "Oh," says the duck and leaves.

Ten minutes later the duck returns and asks the same bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" "Like I said before, we have cherries and olives, but we don't have grapes!" says the bartender. "Oh," says the duck and leaves.

Ten minutes later the duck returns and again, asks, "Do you have any grapes?" "Look, beak lips," screams the bartender. "We have no grapes! We will never have grapes! And if you ask me again, I am going to nail your web-by little feet to the floor!" "Oh," says the duck and leaves.

Ten minutes later, the door swings open and the duck returns. The bartender is furious. He slams a bottle of beer down on the bar, stares menacingly at the duck and screams, "What?" "Uh . . . uh . . . do you have any . . . nails?" the duck asks. "Nails? Nails? No, we don't have nails," answers the bartender. "Mmmm," says the duck. "So, do you have any grapes?"

* * *

A Man and His Penguins:
A man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and that he should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day, the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I thought I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies, "I did. Today, I'm taking them to the movies."

Even religious organizations use clean jokes.
Even religious organizations use clean jokes.

PG-Rated Religion Jokes

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards

  • Clerk: What denomination?
  • Woman: Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this? Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.

* * *

Good King Wenceslas went out to the pizza parlour and ordered a pizza. The assistant asked, "Do you want your usual? Deep, pan, crisp, and even?"

* * *

They have Dial-a-Prayer for Atheists now . . .
You can call, and it rings and rings but nobody answers.

* * *

Rumor has it, Billy Graham Ministries is starting up an Emotional Support Group for middle-aged men experiencing hair loss. Apparently, they close every meeting with the benediction: "Go, and thin no more!"

* * *

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
10. One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they like the old one

A vicar was talking to one of his parishioners.

  • Vicar: When you get to my age, you'll spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter.
  • Parishioner: Why do you say that?
  • Vicar: Well, I often find myself going into a room and thinking, what did I come in here after?

* * *

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it, and a priest to hear him confess and to give the old bulb last rites

* * *

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what . . . 30?

* * *

Once, there was a guy named Joe. One day, he died and found himself standing in front of the pearly gates . . .

  • St. Peter: Joe, if you can answer one question, I'll let you into heaven.
  • Joe: Sounds easy enough.
  • St. Peter: Who is with you always?
  • Joe: Oh, that's easy, Andy!
  • St. Peter: Andy?
  • Joe: Yeah, haven't you heard that hymn, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me?"

* * *

The Top 10 Things People Think About While Singing a Hymn:

  1. The pot roast.
  2. What does the pastor wear under his robes?
  3. Will the person behind me ever hit the right note?
  4. Ninety minutes till kickoff.
  5. Did I turn off the curling iron?
  6. The likelihood of the ceiling fan falling and hitting me on the head.
  7. How many people have lost more hair than I have?
  8. How would the hymn sound if Metallica played it?
  9. Are there doughnuts at fellowship?
  10. How many more verses?

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning!

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference to you, just let me in!

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Yachts
Yachts who?
Yachts up, doc?

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Ya
Ya who?
What are you getting so excited about?

* * *

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Vera
Vera who?
Vera few people think these jokes are funny!

Knock Knock (Practical Joke)

Computer Jokes

Why was the computer so tired when it got home?
Because it had a hard drive!

* * *

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.

* * *

Signs that you need to get away from the computer

  • You try to enter your password on the microwave.
  • You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, "What's for dinner, Dad?"
  • Your daughter sets up a website to sell Girl Scout Cookies.
  • You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

Husband and Wife Jokes

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

* * *

The Smelly Couple:
Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and Kathy's in the bathroom. As Jimmy's getting undressed he says to himself, "How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?" Then, he throws his socks under the bed.

Kathy walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimmy runs past her and he goes into the bathroom. Kathy sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, "How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him."

Just then, Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, "Honey, I've got to tell you something." Jimmy says, "Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks."

* * *

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her husband!"

* * *

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

* * *

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!

* * *

A wife complains, "A wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." Her husband mumbled, "Clock always was slow."

Answer on a Blonde's Geometry Test:

Blonde Jokes

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly. All the planes were currently in use, so the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it, gave her the basics, and then sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.

He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

* * *

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine," the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing," the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere, a tree pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was yet another tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was . . . "

"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "there isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

* * *

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

* * *

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde, wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she would owe him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. Then, the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back down the hill with four legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00.

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

* * *

Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says, "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "Keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down."

* * *

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds," he instructed.

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

Ponderisms

  • What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
  • If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • What's another word for synonym?
  • If the cop arrests a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Riddles

What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.

* * *

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it. What is it?
A secret.

* * *

What stays in bed most of the day and sometimes go to the bank?
A stream.

* * *

Imagine you are in a sinking rowboat surrounded by sharks. How would you survive?
Quit imagining!

* * *

What has to be broken before it can be used?
An egg.

Funny Puns and One-Liners

  • Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
  • Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
  • Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
  • When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
  • What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
  • A backwards poet writes inverse.
  • He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
  • If a clock is hungry does it go back four seconds?
  • The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done.
  • Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
  • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  • If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • Without geometry, life is pointless.

Doctor Jokes

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade."

"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"

"Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor."

* * *

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

* * *

Doctor: I've got very bad news -- you've got cancer and Alzheimer's.

Patient: Well, at least I don't have cancer.

* * *

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an earache."

  • 2000 B.C. -- "Here, eat this root."
  • 1000 B.C. -- "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
  • 1850 A.D. -- "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
  • 1940 A.D. -- "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
  • 1985 A.D. -- "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
  • 2000 A.D. -- "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Lawyer Jokes

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.

"Of course," the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"

"Well, that's a bit steep, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," said the lawyer. "And, what's your third question?"

* * *

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

* * *

What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes

* * *

You Might Be a Lawyer if . . .

  • You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
  • You believe that a forty-word sentence is a short one.
  • You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
  • You can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it's verbal or written.
  • Your other car is a BMW.
  • When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
  • When your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.

Go ahead and laugh at these funny, clean jokes!
Go ahead and laugh at these funny, clean jokes!

Miscellaneous Jokes

An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you get this beautiful bicycle?"

"Well," the second engineering student starts. "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this gorgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

The other engineering student nods and says, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

* * *

"Dad, can you write in the dark?"

"I think so. What is it you want me to write?"

"Your name on this report card."

* * *

Teacher: Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?
Sam: I don't know.
Teacher: Bark, Sam, bark.
Sam: Bow, wow, wow!

* * *

One day, the zookeeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"

"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

* * *

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I'm a panda! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

* * *

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this -- it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working -- let's ship it!"

* * *

What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money.

* * *

Musician: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.

* * *

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about how great their fathers are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet."

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!"

* * *

Heaven and Hell

In Heaven:

  • The cooks are French,
  • The policemen are English,
  • The mechanics are German,
  • The lovers are Italian,
  • The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

  • The cooks are English,
  • The policemen are German,
  • The mechanics are French,
  • The lovers are Swiss,
  • The bankers are Italian.

© 2008 Stephanie Hicks

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    • Bob Ewing profile image

      Bob Ewing 8 years ago from New Brunswick

      :) Thanks for the laughs.

    • MrMarmalade profile image

      MrMarmalade 8 years ago from Sydney

      Some great ones. Some magic ones

      Some poor ones Some I would not cross the road for.

      It hurts my knuckles to knock.

      Thanks for some really good laughs.

      I will endeavour to remember all the good ones.

      At least until tomorrow.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL - thank you for making ME laugh, Mr. M! :-)

    • Eric Graudins profile image

      Eric Graudins 8 years ago from Australia

      Great Hub Steph - haven't heard some of those before.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thanks Eric - I discovered quite a few new ones myself!

    • CherylTheWriter profile image

      CherylTheWriter 8 years ago from Humble, Texas (the ultimate oxymoron)

      G R O A N ! ! !

      P.S. Do it again! Do it again!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Right! I know!! LOL.... (my kids were the inspiration for this one). Again? You mean another 100 silly clean jokes?? That could be tempting. :-)

    • jacobworld profile image

      Jakub Wawrzyniak 8 years ago from Ireland

      i foundf few new ones

    • marisuewrites profile image

      marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

      Steph you always include so much wonderful information in your hubs...you could number these and just tell us the number and then we could laugh...unless we hadn't heard it before. LOL

      this was a lot of work.....wow! I'm so impresssed....

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Great, Jacobworld!

      Marisue.... I don't know about numbering them! After about 5 hours of editing, I started counting some of the cartoons as "jokes" too... hey, those are funny and humorous too! It was a lot of work, but I had soooooo much fun!! :-)

    • Zsuzsy Bee profile image

      Zsuzsy Bee 8 years ago from Ontario/Canada

      Steph! funnnnnny hub. The fun ones are always my favorite.Thanks for sharing. I have to try to remember some of these because they were just too hilarious.

      regards Zsuzsy

    • SweetiePie profile image

      SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

      Very cute Steph! By the way, my favorite joke is why did the chicken cross the road half way because now I have something new to share when I hear the old chicken corossed the road joke. Thanks for the excellent hub.

    • Tater2tot profile image

      Tater2tot 8 years ago from ~~~

      haha! Funny. I love that video. Kids are so cute. I like when that little boy is practicly stalking that girl and when that boy is trying to see what is inside the drawer. Haha. Loved it.

      Tayler!

    • Lifebydesign profile image

      Lifebydesign 8 years ago from Australia

      Wonderful Steph, some really great ones here. And my son will be thrilled!

    • funride profile image

      Ricardo Nunes 8 years ago from Portugal

      LOL, first hub I read this week and I have been laughing like crazy, thanks. But now I´ll have to change one of the stories on my still unfinished "funny stories about computers" :D

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      This was fun.  "Will the guy behind me EVER hit the right note?"  Hilarious!

      I laughed. I cried. I may have pooped a little...

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thanks everybody! My 8 and 10 year old sons had a big part in this one (BTW, the duck asking for the grapes at the bar is my 8-year old's favorite!) Taylor, I agree - that video is so funny. Love the little boy that keeps trying to sit down by the girl. Too precious! CW - I am laughing so hard at your comment.... well..... HA! (can't wait for your next joke hub, funride!)

    • lewgard profile image

      Kathleen Lewis 8 years ago from Southern Michigan

      Funny! I am such a bad joke teller - always blow the punchline. My 4 year old nephew is now "getting" jokes. I picked-up a few appropriate ones or him. Thanks!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      That's good lewgard -maybe you can learn from him! LOL!

    • profile image

      Anja Atkinson 8 years ago

      What a really great idea for a hub. Thanks for the chuckles in my day. Have been enjoying your other hubs very much too.

      Anja

    • lady luck profile image

      lady luck 8 years ago from Boston

      Fab hub, I am going to pass this on...and its about time!! I try to look up jokes once in a while and I will come across the raunchiest stuff ever, jokes can be clean and funny WITHOUT degrading women!! thanks Steph excellent job!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thanks Anja and lady luck!

    • hopefully profile image

      hopefully 8 years ago

      Awesome hub! Good clean fun - what an excellent laugh! My kids will enjoy some of these and the videos were a great touch. Well done.

    • Gregorythompson profile image

      Gregorythompson 8 years ago from Illinois

      A nice collection!

    • tranndee profile image

      tranndee 8 years ago

      HILARIOUS hub! It's funny you say your kids helped, because I started showing my 9-year the chicken jokes and he is howling. Actually, now I regret showing him because now he will be repeating this to everyone ad naseum. :>) Thanks for a great hub and making my afternoon.

    • amy jane profile image

      amy jane 8 years ago from Connecticut

      LOL! I put off reading this hub until the kids were well occupied and I could fully enjoy it. Thanks for all the laughs! :)

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Tranndee and Amy - mine are standing over my shoulder reading this as I write it! LOL! Glad you enjoyed it

    • funnebone profile image

      funnebone 8 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      clap clap very nice!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Oh good - funnebone likes my Jokes Hub! LOL!!

    • funnebone profile image

      funnebone 8 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

      I just copied them and added profanities to every one so I could tell them to my peeps without getting gang beat.

    • compu-smart profile image

      compu-smart 8 years ago from London UK

      lol@ funnybone!

      Stephchick, thanks for this funhub of some good bad and lovely jokes and too much laughs to take in one day so bookmarked!!

      ;)

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      I know, compu-smart! Funnebone always makes me laugh, even at my own HUB! Thanks for the bookmark. I hope you find some good jokes to bring a smile to your face. Through in a few dirty lines if you like, a-la Funnebone. :-) Steph

    • Sophie Esperana profile image

      Sophie Esperana 8 years ago from Los Angeles

      LOL LOL! Omg Steph, can't believe I've never came across this hub! thanks for entertaining me. by the way, I've signed up on qassia, so I guess I'll see you there too :D

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL - I feel like I am laughing along with you Sophie! :-) See you at Qassia.

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      I really needed these this morning! Since I don't have any person at home to share them with right now, I read the blonde jokes out loud to my red-headed golden retriever. She howled! Thanks, Steph.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Sally's Trove! Now that is funny! LOL!!

    • terenceyap07 profile image

      terenceyap07 8 years ago from Singapore

      Really enjoyed these jokes! Great hub!

      P/S That video clip with Simon Cowl has been disabled by Youtube.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      thanks Terence! And I will replace the Simon Cowell video. I appreciate the tip. Steph

    • profile image

      RUTHIE17 8 years ago

      Steph--love the Hub!  Nothing like a funny joke and a good laugh to make my day!  Here's another one you might like--

      A brunett says, "Look at that dead bird!"

      The blond looks up into the sky and says, "Where?"

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Ruthie! You joker you! That one is officially number 102! I love it! :-)

    • misterpm profile image

      misterpm 8 years ago from Netherlands

      Haha..hilarious..great!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thanks misterpm!

    • Stay at Home Dad profile image

      Stay at Home Dad 8 years ago from Georgia

      I spent five years in Minnesota. Here is one of my favorites (slightly paraphrased) from the great white north...

      Two guys go ice fishing. They decide to fish opposite sides of the lake to see where the fish are biting best. After about an hour of fishing with no success, they notice a young boy walking to the center of the lake. Within five minutes, the boy pulls a 5 pound walleye out of the icy water. Two minutes later, another 5 pounder. This continues for about 30 minutes.

      Finally, one of the men walks to the boy and asks, "How are catching all these fish?"

      The boy replies, cheeks bulging, "Eweygoddakeethermswarm."

      "What?" the man asks, a little frustrated.

      Again the boy says, with a little more emphasis,

      "EWEYGODDAKEETHEORMSWARM!"

      "I don't understand. What are you trying to say?" the frustrated fisherman retorts.

      The boy, clearly irritated at this point, sets down his fishing pole, spits into his gloved hands and says matter-of-factly, "YOU GOTTA KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

      This is more funny to hear than read, but still one of my favorites.

      I look forward to sharing some of these with my 4 year old.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Ha, ha, ha!!! That is such a great one, SAHD! I've actually seen cub scouts perform that one as a skit. Its even better done "live." Thanks for sharing. I'm still chuckling. :-) Steph

    • 02SmithA profile image

      02SmithA 8 years ago from Ohio

      Very nice post Stephhicks. I love the Chick-fil-a Cows. Great advertising move by them.

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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thanks 02smitha! I agree, combine humor with getting your name out. That's some smooth advertising. :-)

    • profile image

      chi 8 years ago

      good ones enjoyed them all

    • betherickson profile image

      betherickson 8 years ago from Minnesota

      A gold Mine of laughs thanks

      The Top 10 Things People Think About While Singing a Hymn - defenitley number 1! :))

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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL - I know Beth! I was laughing very hard at that top 10 list. Thank you for stopping by with a comment. :-) Steph

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      Dusty Spirit 8 years ago

      In a house with teenage boys, the jokes are seldom clean. My son's and I actually enjoyed our time reading these together. Their favorites were the blonde jokes. Thanks for the family fun.

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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi Dusty Spirit - I have boys too (not quite teens, but getting closer - my almost 11 year old acts as if he's a teen). LOL. Glad that you and your boys enjoyed the jokes. Mine did too when they helped me "put this together." :-) Steph

    • rarestone1 profile image

      rarestone1 8 years ago

      hilarious and funny pics too! Animals are so cute. That dog is in its own world for real.

      this hub should keep me laughing for a while.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Rarestone1 - I know, these jokes are great! Its kind of funny, but I visit the collection from time to time just to get a good laugh. LOL!!

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      earnestshub 8 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      I loved the jokes.

      There is a blondes joke site somewhere on the net, I cannot remember where. It has clean non sexist blonde jokes too, so the boys get a serve.

      I will try to locate it to encourage you to do that again!

      I really needed a good chuckle, and find no humor in sexist or other bad taste jokes that I will admit to. Great work as are all your hubs. Thanks for that.

      I think jokes about hair color are ok, cos you can always dye your hair.

    • softtalk profile image

      softtalk 8 years ago from India

      Great hub especially for the time people like me are moaning and searching for a fresh air of life. Great job! Thank you a lot for this hub!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi earnesthub and softalk - thank you for the compliments! Nothing like a nice clean joke to lift your spirits - and you can pass it along too! Best, Steph

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Here's a recycled one my 5 year old granddaughter brought home from school I swear I heard it when I was at school (xxx years ago)

      Knock knock "whose there?" boo. "boo who?"

      "There There didn't mean to make you cry"

      sorry.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi agvulpes! That one is classic. Thank you for adding it here. Kids love that joke. I'm going to go try it out with my children right now.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      If the kids liked that joke try this one from my granddaughter.

      Knock knock "whose there?" Isabel. "Isabel who?"

      "Is a bell necessary on a bicycle?"

      (groan)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Straight from our tv weather man:-

      What do you get when you saw a comedian in half?

      Two half-wits.

      No!!! try this one then:-

      What did one ear say to the other ear?

      Hey,there's something that smells between us.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Oh yer here's one for the foxes among us?

      Why did the FOX cross the road??

      To get the chicken of course...LOL

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi agvulpes - thanks! Those are also "groaner" jokes! LOL. My almost 11-year old laughed and proclaimed them "lame!" (sorry). But good for a chuckle, of course!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      LAME LAME she says!!!!!!. (splutter) I'll......I'll......I'll show her????.

      11 years old Eh?. gbtu

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL - remember, in an 11-year old's vocabulary, "lame" is one of the top 10.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      I thought that was "sick" we must be behind the times in OZ.

      Please tell her that she's the "lamest"? nearly 11 year old I have the pleasure of knowing and if she ever joins HubPages can I be her first fan?.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      OK I'm really gonna raise the bar with this one,

      Why do sharks only swim in salt water?

      give up?

      Because pepper makes them sneeze!!!!

      Well at least I'm trying.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      OK - that is right. She's the lamest! LOL. Oh, and the salt water joke - that is definitely a good one. My 8-year old son approves.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      "thank you" (bow) "thank you" (bow) "thank you" (bow)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Just can't resist one more weather man joke now my wife even thought this was funny:-

      What do Private Investigators and Potatos have in common?

      No

      They have to keep their eyes peeled.

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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      I love puns agvulpes! My kids will love this one (as will my father!) Thanks for another funny joke! LOL

    • Bryan Robertson profile image

      Bryan Robertson 8 years ago from Tennessee, United States

      Hi, Steph - Enjoyed the hub. As I read the hub, I felt like I was reading the script for "Airplane" (my favorite movie). My favorite was the short fortuneteller! I laughed out loud several times reading this...

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi Bryan - Airplane! is such a great movie (what's our vector, victor?) with very funny lines... ha, ha, ha... it makes me laugh out loud just thinking about it. Thanks for sharing your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the jokes. :)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      I'd forgotten how funny that movie was (was that the first mention of "shirley", shirley not! Would you agree that Lloyd Bridges underplayed his part a little!

      vector , victor ha ha ha and what about the auto pilot!

      You just never know when DAD'S will show up. Hi Dad, hope you haven't got a Shotgun! (Gulp)

      We foxes get a bit touchy you know! I'll go find him a Dad joke to throw him off the scent.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Well, Dad did you hear the one about..........

      Excuse me, yes....

      Not here, oh, ok.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Or there was the one about P........

      no not that one either. Hmmm ok then.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      They tell me when you tell a joke the timing is

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      everything?

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      You are quite entertaining, agvulpes. I have to chuckle. Maybe I don't want to, but I have to. LOL!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Well thank you mam! I'm flattered that you think my humour is even worth a smile, let alone a chuckle. (tickle tickle) Oh go on please just one more, you do look so cute when you chuckle?

      btw I still haven't found a worthy Dad joke!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Ha, ha, ha! Actually, you should hear my laugh. Its pretty distinct. You've got to find a good dad-daughter joke. Look up wedding jokes... :) I'm waiting.....

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Ok widen the parameters, is good! Don't go away!

      I've actually just been watching a show on TV that looked a bit like a Dad-daughter joke. (if it wasn't so darn serious) A bit like Saturday Night Live in slow motion!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Anything with Steve Martin is good. SNL is also one of my favorites. I trust that you'll come through with another joke.... :)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Ok hears one for the kids to go on with:

      Q: Why did the sand get wet

      A: Because the sea-weed.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL - never heard that one before agvulpes. How about another blonde joke?

      Brunette to Blonde: Look at that dead bird

      Blonde: (looking up in the sky) Where?

    • Benson Yeung profile image

      Benson Yeung 8 years ago from Hong Kong

      I hate it when silly jokes make me laugh so much and sophisticated ones make me cry.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Isn't that the truth, Benson? We need a little levity these days...

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      An oldie but still a goodie. Just remember YOU opened the door for blonde jokes. How about redheads. Are there no limits! Today Blondes . Tomorrow the World!! !!!LOL!!!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      hi steph, thought this was kinda cute:-

      One day a blonde was walking along the side of a river.

      On the opposite side she spotted another blonde!

      She cupped her hands together and shouted out "How do you get to the other side?"

      The other blonde cupped her hands together and shouted "You are on the other side!"

    • Express profile image

      Express 8 years ago from India

      hehe....really funnny.....i like all ..........great hub,,,,,,,,,,,I became your fan...

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi Express - thank you! Its always great to make someone laugh with a funny joke. :)

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      Bobey 8 years ago from Modesto' CA

      Wow those are some funny jokes you have very good jokes i had fun laughing but thanx for the jokes.

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Hi Steph, just dropped in with another blonde joke :-|

      Blonde: "Excuse me , what time is it right now?".

      Woman: "It's 11.25 pm."

      Blonde: (confused look on face) " You know, it's the weirdest thing, Iv'e asked      that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer!."

       :-|

      Yes, I know Steph I've got to try harder.

       

       

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL!!! I really am laughing out loud, agvulpes! I haven't heard that blonde joke before. :)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Ok another one for the kids :)

      What do you get when you cross an Octopus with a Cow?

      give up........ OK.

      An animal that can milk itself!.

      I still haven't found a Dad joke, not one I'd tell a lady anyways!.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Oh my gosh! That is quite an image from the last joke... LOL!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Steph I hope your dads not Irish, but I thought this one worthy of your Hub!

      An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

      When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

      'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?

      'The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

      'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

      'No, from the flamin' skippin'

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL - Skipping.... I get it. ha, ha, ha!! You know, I heard another joke the other day and thought of you and sharing it here. Darn it, but its after 11:00 p.m. my time and way past bedtime. I'll see if a night of sleep will remind me and post it in the a.m. Skipping - maybe that's how I'll lose some weight. :)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Oh, now come on Steph your'e not trying to tell us you need to lose weight!

      Or have you been telling us some porky pies?

      I'm still waiting for that joke! (fingers tapping on desk)!!!!!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Well, I am just back from camping with a bunch of cub scouts (there has to be a joke in there somewhere, right?) I'm burned out and going through emails, etc. I probably do need to work off all the junk I ate at camp this weekend.... but I suppose the marathon training and running will keep my weight in check. Stay tuned. I'll come back with another joke soon.

    • marketingmergenow profile image

      marketingmergenow 8 years ago from Spokane

      Excellent Hub Steph,

      It is great to see the creativity & the time and efforts that are put into creating such excellent hubs. Thank you.

      marketingmergenow

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi marketingmergenow, thank you! Many of my hubs are labors of love - this 100 clean funny jokes one, among them! :) Steph

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Still waiting (fingers still tapping on desk)

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      moodybrk 8 years ago

      fuckin great...i laughed my ass off really :)

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Well there was this one about the poor turtle that got beat up by three snails,

      when the policeman asked the turtle for details the poor turtle said:-

      " I don't know everything happened just so fast"!!!!!!!!!

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Har, har, har, har!!!!! That was a great one, agvulpes! I realize that I am delinquent in adding more clean jokes for your laughter.... been busy blogging at peachygreen.com. :) But I will try to come up with an early Christmas present or two.

    • compu-smart profile image

      compu-smart 8 years ago from London UK

      Hi stephchick, I Just poped back to finish reading and thanks for some well needed laughing medicine!:)

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Hi Compu-Smart - cool new avatar!! Glad my jokes are still keeping you laughing. :)

    • profile image

      how to increase vertical 8 years ago

      Nice list, I'd definitely agree with.. Thanks for the excellent Hub! Its amazing... Good hub here with plenty of tips on keeping all the fanatics so so entertained.Thanks for the great Hub! Such a cool and nice to glance up this site

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thank you Veritcal

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Hi steph, hopes this finds you in good spirits after the Christmas festivities, didn't eat too much did we? Hmmm I know I did.

      Anyway hot off the Christmas Cracker Press. (I won't take the blame for this).

      "Why did the mechanic sleep under the car????

      No!

      "He wanted to get up "oily" in the morning!!

      Not to bad I thought!

    • ajcor profile image

      ajcor 8 years ago from NSW. Australia

      Thanks for these Steph - particularly the blonde jokes - have bookmarked for future reference....lol

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      LOL Agvulpes - I LOVED the mechanic joke. My kids did too. I am home now after a week away and much, much snow. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours. Best, Steph

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Thanks for the greetings steph, and I hope that you and your family had a great festive season.

      All right are you ready for a more sofistikated joke? Your'e gonna get it anyway!

      What do you call a man with a paper bag over his head?

      no!

      Russell.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
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      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      OMG - Russell!!! I love it (my mother-in-law's maiden name, so I'm going to pass this along to her). Happy New Year!!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      Steph did you hear about the two Kangaroos that got married?

      No !

      Tell me this then:-why does an elephant lie on its back?

      To trip low flying canaries!

       

      They lived hoppily ever after!

    • agvulpes profile image

      Peter 8 years ago from Australia

      It looks like my mords got wuddled!

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      countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

      Great jokes. You really made my day. Thanks for this great hub.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Ha, ha, ha!!! Those are great ones. The hoppily ever after one is hilarious. I love elephants too, so how about this one:

      How can you tell what time it is when an elephant sleeps in your bed?

      Time to get a new bed!

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      cflynn 8 years ago from Ireland

      great job lots of laughs and i only got half way but my supper is ready so i will check back. allways need new jokes for my 4 and 5yr old they love them thanks

    • blondepoet profile image

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      What a great and uplifting hub.Laughing is such great medicine.Thankyou for sharing these jokes with us.My trouble is I always forget the joke when I go to tell it grrrrr, I get so frustrated

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      wala llang 8 years ago

      ang pangit ng joke hindi nakakatawa sana mamatayna ang gumawa iwwwwwww!!!!

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      3cardmonte 8 years ago

      ha! Calling fowls! love it!

    • profile image

      vertical jump training 8 years ago

      Hi..These look great! I have not heard of them before. Laughing is a great one..That is a fabulous idea..Great Hub.

    • milkeywayman profile image

      milkeywayman 8 years ago

      Nice work. Thanks.

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      Beth100 7 years ago

      Really love these...telling them to friends, and still laughing!

      Beth100

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      ... 7 years ago

      hAhAhAhAhAhAhahAhAHaHahAhA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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      elizabethbyrne 7 years ago

      Brilliant! I've had a wonderful laughing time! :)

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      skinman 7 years ago

      I have a joke for you all....

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Dr. Leroy...

      the head psychiatrist at the local

      mental hospital...

      is examining patients to see if they're

      cured and ready to re-enter society.

      "So...

      Mr. Clark"...

      the doctor says to one of his patients....

      "I see by your chart that you've been

      recommended for dismissal.

      Do you have any idea what you might

      do once you're released?".

      The patient thinks for a moment...

      then replies...

      "Well...

      I went to school for mechanical engineering.

      That's still a good field...

      good money there.

      But on the other hand....

      I thought I might write a book about my

      experience here in the hospital...

      what it's like to be a patient here.

      People might be interested in reading a

      book like that. In addition...

      I thought I might go back to college and

      study art history...

      which I've grown interested in lately".

      Dr. Leroy nods and says...

      "Yes...

      those all sound like intriguing possibilities".

      The patient replies...

      "And the best part is...

      in my spare time...

      I can go on being a teapot".

    • profile image

      Gabzi 7 years ago

      WHAT DOES A GHOST TELL A BEE??

      BOO-BEE!!!

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      zack 7 years ago

      nice and funny jokes

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      teetee girl 7 years ago

      those were some great jokes.they were halarious.i loved them

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      Dilip Chandra 7 years ago from India

    • profile image

      dumm blonde 7 years ago

      i 4got wat 2 say

    • lovelife999 profile image

      lovelife999 7 years ago

    • profile image

      geekiest 7 years ago

      loved it...!!!

      very gud.. :)keep it up

    • Mr Nice profile image

      Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

      Thanks stephhicks68,

      Wow, very funny jokes......hahahaha.

    • profile image

      KELLY 7 years ago

      LOL THE JOKES ARE SO FUNNY ALL MY FRIENDS LIKE THEM HAHAHA SO FUNNY

    • Michael Shane profile image

      Michael Shane 7 years ago from Gadsden, Alabama

      You got some funny stuff here! Great job!

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      these jokes are good and funny... hope more comes because im looking forward to seeing and laughing to more!

    • brandyBachmann profile image

      brandyBachmann 7 years ago

      it was fun! keep smiling everyone :D

    • profile image

      santa bant jokes english 6 years ago

      You are making killing with this hub.

    • lilly_dens profile image

      lilly_dens 6 years ago

      hahaha i like it! :)

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 6 years ago from home

      nOTHING LIKE gOOD- "bBaaAD jOKES"- SAID THE LAMB

      But I liked them all-

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      Steve joke 6 years ago

      ya good jokes

    • profile image

      hubpageswriter 6 years ago

      These are really funny, especially the one liner ones.:) And blonde jokes too.

    • profile image

      prettybil 6 years ago

      thanx...my loneliness s gone...!!!

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 6 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Great great fun. Made my day.

      A former pastor of mine loves jokes and he tells the same ones over and over. My favorite is the one where a guy is desperate to find work. He's looked all over, but just can't seem to get a job. So one day someone tells him there might be an opening at the zoo. He goes to the zoo and they say, well, we do have one job left.

      oh great, the man says, what is it. How would you like to be a gorilla? "A gorilla," he asks, "Don't you have any real gorillia's." Well our last on just died and people are really complaining because we don't have a gorilla anymore. So the guy accepts the job and every day he dresses up in a gorilla suit and runs all over posturing, swinging from limb to limb, just overall, having a great time entertaining the masses. He became the star of the zoo. One day, the man/gorilla is especially energetic and begins swing wildly through his exhibit. He loses control and ends up next door in the lions den. The gorilla begins to scream and yell. He is trying frantically to get away from the lion. The gorilla is so out of control that lion starts walking up to him with a mad look on his face. "On no, oh no, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die." When the lion finally gets up to the gorilla face to face, he says to the gorilla, "Shut up stupid, or you'll get us both fired."

    • profile image

      Usman 6 years ago

      Nice hub

      I really enjoy

    • Carolyn2008 profile image

      Carolyn Gibson 6 years ago from Boston

      This is a great hub!!

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      Maddie  6 years ago

      Love them!!!!!!

    • profile image

      Indian jokes 6 years ago

      Wow this amazing list of jokes and decent too.

    • profile image

      karen sholer 6 years ago

      Ha ha love the blonde ones

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      Gaea bard 6 years ago

      Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha hilarious i loved the video i would totally do that to one of my friends

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      Alisha 6 years ago

      Wow

    • ScottMadiJack profile image

      ScottMadiJack 6 years ago from Philadelphia, now living in Delaware.

      Just the pit bull!! HAHAHAHA

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      genevieve 6 years ago

      i got a joke it is so funny how do you wake up lady gaga in the morning you poke her face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • PaperNotes profile image

      PaperNotes 6 years ago

      Reading this hub is a perfect way to start the day. Thanks.

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      luke 6 years ago

      there is a guy in a room with no way out there is a piano a saw a table and a baseball bat, how does he get out......................he could take a key out of the piano and unlock the door...........he could use the bat gey three strike then he'd be out or he could saw the table in half then put it back then he'd have a hole!

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      ann 5 years ago

      such stupid WTF!! DUDE!!

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      James Ortega 5 years ago

      Thats how come I love hubpage, I often discover brilliant hubs just as this one. The creators of this hub seriously took the time to fix it up nicely! Get's my vote without a doubt!

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      Sandipan 5 years ago

      These are really funny. Thanks for the share

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      rose 5 years ago

      thanks for the jokes i will share them with the children at my child care

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      Kirmina 5 years ago

      funny!FUNNY!

    • LeslieAdrienne profile image

      Leslie A. Shields 5 years ago from Georgia

      :D enjoyed my time with you... bookmarked this page and have been telling everyone the jokes that I especially liked.

      Thanks for sharing...

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 5 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Awesome Leslie!! Its always fun to share great jokes. :) Steph

    • Arlynne profile image

      Arlynne 5 years ago from Florida, USA

      haha! I love story of the blonde and the lawyer in the plane..I hope I can find a stupid lawyer like him..i'll be rich if I'm with him always..LOL! @lambservant I love your joke..do you have more? hahahaha!!!

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      mati101 5 years ago

      oh zis tng is so funny...am jst laughin out loud in z starbuks in z middle of a whole bunch of peoples.................omg lol

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      Zach 5 years ago

      Hahahaha

      Thanks for the laughs

    • mariahbernt864 profile image

      mariahbernt864 5 years ago from Minneapolis, Minnesota

      Wow hahah these are too funny! Better than dirty jokes for sure!

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      Preety Rajbanshi 5 years ago

      Really nice jokes, I really luved them reading....

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      jade 5 years ago

      love them make some more or even make a joke book

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      peyton 5 years ago

      these jokes are stupid

    • joebhoy profile image

      joebhoy 5 years ago from Manila

      nice one! keep posting..

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      habib 5 years ago

      very good

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      gavin 5 years ago

      my girl friend loved them!!!!!!!!!!!

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      candylove 5 years ago

      i like it

    • gamesnepal profile image

      gamesnepal 5 years ago from Kathmandu, Nepal

      I really enjoyed all of those mini pictures/comments.

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      tori doolittle 5 years ago

      i have a joke to tell

      ON MY STREET I HAVE THE ONLY WHITEHOUSE ON MY STREET.

      GET THE JOKE POST AND TELL ME YOUR REPLY?

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      Alice 5 years ago

      Ocwardddddd

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      abby 4 years ago

      i have a friend who is always making up jokes. one is,

      two sticks were playing cards. what did one stick say to the other?

      Snap!

      because snap the card game. because sticks snap all the time. ha ha ha ha.

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      emily 4 years ago

      the past is history, the futre is a mystery today is a gift and thats why we call it present

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      typer 4 years ago

      why did the rice krispy treats not get back in the oven

      because they were krisper than krisper kreme hahaha

      IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MYY JOKE THEN PLEASE DONT BE MEAN IM ONLY THE AGES BETWEEN 10 AND 12.

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      TYPER 4 years ago

      I MEANT KRISPY KREME

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      Emma 4 years ago

      Soooooo cooool

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      dario 4 years ago

      it was so funny =))

    • Anjo Bacarisas II profile image

      Anjo Bacarisas II 4 years ago from Cagayan de Oro, Philippines

      HAHA.. that was funny! until now im still laughing, remembering those very funny jokes.. thanks for sharing this hub, i enjoyed it :)

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      nice guy 4 years ago

      knock knock hos there bell bell who bell is not what i said melll

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      get lost 4 years ago

      grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

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      lina 4 years ago

      these are funny i like more { you've got male } husbands and wives , doctors jokes .... god i think i like them all !!

      :D

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      Lucygoosey 4 years ago

      Lol! Roflmho! Thanks. I was sad and these cheered me up :-))

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      Boy 4 years ago

      This is soooo stupid

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      Mayor of Storyville 4 years ago

      Nice Job... Here are some fun ones:

      Why did the Little Orange think the Lemon was flirting with her? Because he called her a Cutie.

      What do you call a boom-a-rang that doesn't come back?

      A stick.

      A termite walks into a bar and asks,

      "Is the bartender here"

      Check out the Mayor of Storyville fan page on facebook — inspiring children to use their creativity.

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      cailyen 4 years ago

      haha

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      Ramaiani 4 years ago

      Hahah. Gonna go on to the one about the penguins to my grandchildren - if I ever get to have any lol

    • carozy profile image

      carozy 4 years ago from San Francisco

      What a thorough and funny hub. I have four nephews so I am always on the look out for good material to keep things light and fun. This article is wonderful for that! Thanks for sharing. Voted up.

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 4 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thanks Carozy! My four kids love these jokes too - and they can tell them to their grandparents. ;-) Have a super day, Steph

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      sahithi dyuthi josyam 4 years ago

      i like your jokes most of all i LOVE the computer it is so funny they are also very clean i hope i can tell it to my family

      BYE EEVERYBODY

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      mgan 4 years ago

      LADY: Is this my train

      station master: no it belongs to the railway company

      LADY: dont try to be funny. i mean to ask can i take this train to new delhi

      station master: no madam i am afraid it is too heave

      haha it is soo funny hope you liked it lol =)

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      Kim 4 years ago

      Really I didn't really write a joke down.

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      Billy 4 years ago

      Wow u guys have no lifes and need to get out more theses jokes suck Why and the heck would a scientist chicken cross the stupid road to invent the other side?!? GETTA LIFE!

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      Person 4 years ago

      I didn't even laugh

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      chhavi 4 years ago

      asal mein ye joks very funny they

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      lora 3 years ago

      these are the worst jocks EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Nitin Pillai profile image

      Nitin Pillai 3 years ago from Mumbai, Maharastra, India

      Nice jokes! Voted up!

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      aisha 3 years ago

      thanks . its awesome and incredible.i m getting great help from these making my fiancée laugh as he is a bit down these days.its a relief to get this clean and clear humour in these days of catastrophic obscenity.keep going .all the best .GOD bless you

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      MayorofStoryville 3 years ago

      Every week I post 5 new jokes on my Facebook page, check out Mayor of Storyville podcasts too:

      What do you call a Vampire who filps pancakes?

      Count Spatula

      One snowman says to the other, "Do you smell carrots?"

      How many Spaniards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

      Juan.

      Why do Gorrillas have big nostrils?

      They have big fingers.

      One snake says to another “Are we poisonous”

      The other snake says “Why?”

      He says, “Because I just bit my lip.”

      Check out the Mayor of Storyville

      All my best always,

      Kenny Haas #25

      Mayor of Storyville

    • SamitaJassi profile image

      Samita Sharma 3 years ago from Chandigarh

      All the jokes are very funny, specially teacher and sam.. "Bark, Sam, bark." hahahahahaha

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      jude 3 years ago

      this is totally so thrilling.........my favorite part is about THE SCHOOL BOYS BRAGGING OVER WHOSE FATHER WAS THE FASTEST. Thumbs up.

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      poop 3 years ago

      those jokes are old little one boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo you stink give me something better about sports please you'll be the best ever girl so do it

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      lolster 33479 3 years ago

      Here's a joke for you.

      How can you tell an old person from a young person?

      An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same time!!!

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      your face 3 years ago

      haha.....

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      dragonflycolor 3 years ago

      oh my goodness, the cheetahs joke made me laugh out loud for sure! i love those types of jokes, they are the best. thank you!

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      lia nia wia 3 years ago

      Fantastic jokes, I loved them, I was really bored but they cheered me up. I really like the blonde jokes, here's a funny one: 3 girls, a redhead brunette and a blonde decide to jump off a magical cliff. The redhead jumps off and yells "Money!" and she lands,in money. The brunette jumps off and yells "pink fluffy unicorn stuffies!" and she lands in pink fluffy unicorn stuffies. Just as the blonde jumps off she trips and yells "Crap!" and lands in, well, u know... LOL I love this clean funny joke I hope u do to! I am so sorry if this joke or any of the other blonde jokes affend u, blondes. It could be any hair color that trips and yells crap, so....ya! Once again, I love your hub stephhicks68! Great funny clean jokes!

    • UndercoverAgent19 profile image

      Jen Corrigan 3 years ago

      Loved this hub! I can't get enough of jokes that are funny but are also very, very dumb. I read several aloud to my grandma. She particularly liked the one about the blonde going on a diet.

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      alanah 3 years ago

      i for one am a comedian and after

    • luvtoowrite profile image

      Luvtoo Write 3 years ago from Chicago, IL

      Funny, made my day and my spouse laugh. Keep up the good work!

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Great Hub !!! :) Voted funny and useful because more people need to have a sense of humor :) My favorite was the penguin joke ! I also like the blonde joke about the flight class/plane. Great clean material. Laughter is wonderful. Have a great week

    • stephhicks68 profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Hicks 3 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      Thank y0u!! Same to you!

    • Elizabeth Bowers profile image

      Elizabeth Bowers 3 years ago from Tennessee

      Thanks so much for this! I'm going to have so much fun sharing these at work... :)

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      Airalynn McKellip 2 years ago

      my brother and I are laughing soo hard I can hardly type thank you

    • MichelleLynnB profile image

      Michelle 2 years ago from Iowa

      Ha! these are great! I love these corny type jokes! great hub!

    • belleart profile image

      belleart 2 years ago from Ireland

      Soo funny, love the lawyer and blonde jokes.....Great idea for a hub.

    • jefboyardee profile image

      jefboyardee 2 years ago

      Every time I see a parade of jokes online, I have to add the only only joke I ever made up:

      How many nymphomaniacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

      Just two, but they have to be really small.

    • Eric Calderwood profile image

      Eric Calderwood 2 years ago from USA

      These are great. I wish I would have seen these at the beginning of the summer before I went off to work for a Boy Scout camp. many of them would have come in handy over the summer.

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      davida 16 months ago

      assy

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      jonas 13 months ago

    • BeccaHubbardWoods profile image

      Mizzery Chick 9 months ago from Outside your window...

      I told a lot of these to my 12 year old. His favorite was the duck in the bar. Thanks for sharing!

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