Yep,there's no doubt about it, I was the man back in 1973.
I was the homecoming king, the star pitcher on the baseball team, and every dude in high school wanted to be like ME.
As I strolled around campus all eyes were on me, naturally, because I was so FINE.
I was every girl's dream, boy oh boy, did I have them standing in LINE.
You're probaly thinking, this guy sure can EXAGGERATE.
Everything I'm saying is true because in 1973, I was just that GREAT.
Time sure does fly and it's no longer 1973.
So what, if I'm 30 pounds heavier I'm still sexy as can be. Don't you AGREE?
Yep, I've still got it. I dance at night down at the local BAR.
Sure, there's other dancers here, but the ladies flock to see me because I'M the SUPERSTAR!
They love my moves, when I perform, it gives them so many THRILLS.
I love to see them excited as they stuff my sexy hairy belly with dollar BILLS.
Oh boy. You can't beat Father Time, that is the RULE.
It's no longer 1973 or 2003 and now I'm an old big fat bald FOOL.
All those years when I was paid to shake my butt, I drank, gambled, and ate all my money AWAY!
Now these rotten pig headed juvenile delinquents make fun of me with chants of Kojak, Butterbean, Mr. Clean and Uncle Fester all DAY!
After three divorces and alimony payments, the rest of my check doesn't go too FAR.
I'm a substitute teacher during the day and at night I'm the head janitor down at that same damn crummy BAR!
Oh well, I won't complain too much, because there's plenty of guys who'd love to be ME.
Through it all, I'm still a bad man ya'll and I have the memories of being the greatest thing since sliced bread in 1973.