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20 Phrases You Never Say To Your Girlfriend

Updated on October 15, 2012
This is how we look just as the words have left our mouth and we realize what we have done...
This is how we look just as the words have left our mouth and we realize what we have done... | Source

We Have All Been There...

I don't care who you are, where you are from, or what you do. I know every guy reading this has said something to his girlfriend or wife, that as soon as it leaves your lips, you regret it. As a man I do not know why we come up with some of these phrases in our head and think they are the smoothest thing to grace our tongue until we say it. I have said many things in my life that I regret, but some things are just so dumb that I can't believe they came from me. So I decided to make a tribute to all the things I have heard males from all walks of life say to their girls. Enjoy.

20 Phrases You Never Should Use...

  1. My little pound cake.
  2. My salty piece of fatback
  3. My sweet chunky monkey
  4. My little crunchy chicken thigh
  5. Your my Poopoo ears
  6. Your my chicken licken
  7. Your my silly muffy muff
  8. My little moo-moo cow
  9. My little McMuffin
  10. My little Lamb Chop
  11. Your My little petite potato chip
  12. My dutiful dumpling
  13. My tasty turkey giblet
  14. Your my only sweet and sour chicken!
  15. Your a big bowl of yesness!
  16. My Twinkling twinky
  17. You will always be my little chubby toes
  18. You are just a silly puffy marshmallow
  19. Your a big beautiful beef patty
  20. Who’s my little meatball?

We are Stumped When we get This... we Mean Well.

For the Ladies...

When we say these absurd sounding things 90% of the time we mean them in good will, we just are not as good at pet names and cute little phrases like the ladies. So the next time your guy says something so lame, dumb, and seemingly insensitive. Please just take a deep breath count backwards from 10 (or 100 depending on what came out of out pie hole), and try and remember we men stop learning after potty training and we consider the days we don't hit the seat an astounding success. We thank you for you patience.

This is how we Think we Sound...

but This is how we Really Sound.

So Gentlemen...

Please try to think before you speak. Also, when you do speak at least to her face preferably her eyes, not her mouth, nose, or forehead. If you can at least make it above your girls neck I am sure she will give you a good grade for effort. Please gents I know that we are men and we forget to flush, put our socks away, and drink from the carton; but we love our girls don't we? Lets try a little more, I know it is tough, but we can prevail!!!

How many of you fellas have said something really dumb to your girl?

See results

Ladies, how many of your men have said something very dumb to you?

See results


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    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Denise I am glad you found it so great. Thank you for the great feedback. Thank you for letting us live another day haha.

      Dana, glad you enjoyed it. I will make sure my girl never reads your post who knows what name she would think for my belly button or knee caps. lol.

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 

      6 years ago from Ohio

      Oh this is funny! I have been called cutsie things and love it. I think i could even tolerate a few of these! Though number 15 might be returned with a slap!

      I have said some fantastic things to my boyfriend. He just groans or tolerates it cuz he knows it makes me happy. Just ask "Billy Belly Button"! Oh. yes. I named his belly button. :)

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      6 years ago from North Carolina

      Thank goodness for abbreviations because I am LMAO ! This was so funny and I can certainly relate to the amount of trouble a guy can get himself in just from, well...being himself! Ah, gotta love 'em (or kill 'em and then we'd have to spend our time in jail with a bunch of other beaches. :) ) Great job here...rated up/U/I/and H for hilarious. The videos were a great addition to drive those points home!

      PS-the comments were almost as funny as your hub, including the one about YOU being your g.f's best form of entertainment. I can understand why. My philosophy: make sure your man has a good sense of humor!

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Thanks lovedoctor. A friend of mine actually used that, I quickly decided I had better start writing his eulogy.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      My little poundcake. Voted up too funny!

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Thank you very much. I am glad you loved it.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 

      6 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      excellent, Jordan! :) Loved it and shared!

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Thanks for sharing michelle I really appreciate it. Lindalou I am glad you enjoyed it. rcrumple you should make an epic list! Thank you. Thanks for the feed back KDuBarry. Thank you Garifalia are you a Clooney fan as well? Thank you livingsta for the vote up, I am happy you enjoyed it.

    • livingsta profile image


      6 years ago from United Kingdom

      That was funny , voted up and funny!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Yuck! I'm lucky never to have heard such comments. But your article is so entertaining. Well Done. By the way, "I'm dating George Clooney....he's perfect!"

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I know some people who could use this...haha great list!!

    • Conservative Lady profile image


      6 years ago from Surprise Arizona - formerly resided in Washington State

      Very funny - I loved it - my husband calls me "sugar" which is fabulous but he once called our daughter his little "poopy pants" and she went to kindergarten the next day and got in trouble for calling her little friends poopy pants all day.....

    • rcrumple profile image


      6 years ago from Kentucky

      I'd add "You're my little pass around pack", "You're the Bud to my Wiser", and "You're the lint in my belly button." Those can get you hospitalized. Great Job! Funny Hub!

    • lindalou1963 profile image


      6 years ago from Texas

      Very funny!!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 

      6 years ago from Singapore

      You're right on the button there, Jordan. Will not want to be called a meatball! (Prefer them on spaghetti). This is cool! Thanks for the write, which I share.

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Thanks for the great feedback Sharkye11. I am glad you enjoyed it.

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Haha! This is great! I was doing a very good job at not laughing out loud until I got to "Who's my little meatball?". I think that would be a bad one for either sex to use on their partner! Good rule...never use any pet name for a woman that can be interpre

      ted as "fat", and ladies, never use any pet name for a man that has the term "little" in it. (wee, teeny, cute, wittle, etc.) because they take that rather personally.

      Great hub! Still laughing!

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Why yes I do! I am her main source of amusement!

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Why yes I do! I am her main source of amusement!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      6 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Telling a guy to think before he speaks is like...well, too funny!! You must keep your girlfriend very amused! :)

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Jools looks like you have your man trained well. keep up the good work. brblog sometimes I think girls secretly like our crazy sayings... Thanks for the comment.

    • brblog profile image


      6 years ago from Chicago, Illinois


      I can relate, I'm sure I have said something dumb myself, but the one that caught my eye was the "dumpling" comment. I have a friend who said that on more than one occasion (probably still does) and yet she still married him.

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools Hogg 

      6 years ago from North-East UK

      Yup, some guys certainly spend a lot of time saying the wrong thing. My hubby knows he walks a fine line with some things and now he just keeps the two parts shut! And remember always answer "Do I look fat in this?" with a smile and a "No, you look gorgeous".

    • Jordanwalker39 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from NC

      Thanks bill, I was actually inspired to write this after seeing my buddy almost meet his doom when he used number one. So I figured I would ask my pals to tell me what they have said and poof there is my list.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I was laughing after pound cake and never stopped. Fantastically funny, probably because we have all said something really stupid while dating. It's amazing we lived to laugh about it.


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